this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2024
108 points (100.0% liked)

Asklemmy

1452 readers
65 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Melobol@lemmy.ml 67 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The thing that comes only with age is: to not give a fuck.

When we learn that it doesn't matter we can all be little old people who are purple mohawk headed, wearing clashing neon adidas jumpsuit with zebra primted boas.

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 14 points 1 week ago

There’s always someone who will look at your life telling you you’re doing everything wrong. And you know what? That’s fine. It really doesn’t matter.

[–] gasgiant@lemmy.ml 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The sunk cost fallacy is a very easy way to get stuck being miserable.

Sometimes a drastic change might be painful at the time but will be much better for you overall.

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 week ago

Definitely agree with this one

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 37 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I'm a perfectionist and I realized I've been making life too hard for myself. Choosing a low bar for success but keeping the ceiling high has felt like a much healthier approach.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The consultant's proverb: done is better than perfect

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 week ago

Between a pragmatist and a perfectionist, one of them sleeps soundly and knows what he's doing tomorrow.

[–] Inflo@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly" I try to remind myself, with a history of postponing things, and not wanting to imperfectly do things. Rarely I've regretted doing to my current ability, but countless times leaving things undone.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 31 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Fake it till you make it" doesn't mean pretend to be happy until you are happy. I committed to a relationship I wasn't happy in, a career I wasn't happy in, and hobbies I wasn't happy doing, all because I wanted the approval of others. A divorce, career change, and hobby swap made me much happier.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MicrondeMMMMMMM@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

People just don't care about you that much, if you go into the street wearing nail polish as a a male presenting person no one will care if you don't act weird about it. Same thing for shaving your legs.

Family might care though, what helped me was understanding that I spend a few days per year with my family maximum, but I spend that whole time with myself. So who cares what they think be yourself.

This helped me start transitioning at 19

[–] ReakDuck@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I don't want to transition. I am 100% male and this will not change, but I still wanna dress sometimes like a gothic queen. Will happen for Halloween.

But I still feel like people care. Even small changes on me get attention. I guess it depends if you learned lots of peoplr and friends in University or not.

I think when Learning new people, it might have an influence. But idk. I never tried it because I am afraid.

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 27 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I was never going to "find myself" and so I should have just gone to college with my friends for computer science and made the good money when jobs were easier to get even though I had no interest at all in it. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz. Now I'm a worthless schmuck in a factory living in someone's garage paying their mortgage in rent prices.

All my interests are hobbies, some of them even too expensive for me to do lol they're nothing you can monetize.

[–] digdilem@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 week ago

All my interests are hobbies, some of them even too expensive for me to do lol they’re nothing you can monetize.

Work is for making money, hobbies are for spending money. I think a lot of people mix that up and lose their enjoyment; money changes your perspective on why you're doing something.

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Take heart: had you done comp sci just for the money, you'd be where you are now. Comp sci isn't for people in for the money but for people who find it exciting and have no idea their career is timesheets. :-p

No, really: I saw a LOT of people flame out of the programme, and most of them admitted they were in it for the payday.

[–] JustAnOrdinaryCreep@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That it doesn't matter what other people think of me as long as I'm happy.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 week ago

It doesn't matter what other people think, full stop. The world is full of people who think they know better. ignore them.

[–] fubarx@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 week ago (2 children)
  • Any work or study done during an all-nighter is a waste.

  • If you meet someone and all they do is talk about themselves, they won't be a good friend.

  • Nobody really cares how you look or what you wear. And anyone who does has bigger issues they would rather not deal with.

[–] Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Any work or study done during an all-nighter is a waste.

Depends. I did some of my best work at this time (private project. not for my actual workplace).

[–] howrar@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

Same. That's when everyone else goes to sleep and actually leaves you time to focus on your work.

[–] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 3 points 1 week ago

Depends. When I was in art school, I regularly worked for 36 hours straight, and at least once for 72 hours straight. But it's studio work, where you're actually making a <>; it never would have worked to have been trying to read Marx/Engels or Hegel and expect to have any kind of comprehension.

[–] Alice 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My family is never going to return the favor. Should've gone to school instead of taking care of them.

[–] tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Family first" is such a contemptible load of crap. Primarily this idea only seems to be brought out by the same exact people that then abuse the notion.

[–] blindsight 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Family first" is unidirectional. Parents put their kids first. That's the job. I signed up for it, and I'm going to prioritize then as much as I can.

[–] tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 week ago (3 children)

That's a bit different, and as it should be, but then it's likely clearer to just directly state the intent to protect the future generation.

"Family first" in my experience has always referred to the lateral or upstream bloodline. Deadbeat parents or lazy piece of crap siblings trying to justify grift or outright abuse.

I'm an ideal world, the phrase wouldn't exist and people would just be decent; parents would prioritize their children and siblings etc would just help each other. I wish this were the case, but as with many others I've instead come to trust and rely on found family instead of bloodline.

And I'm forever in debt to my daughter. I will never expect her to put my life or needs before hers. My disgust at my own parents' egotistical failings only magnified after personally experiencing becoming a parent.

Family is a sorting category word though, so while there's truth to kids first, the phrase regarding family first is very very often abused to try forcing the hand of broken ties between the aging parent wanting the child to instead provide regardless of whether it's deserved or not. It's frequently an excuse for abusive siblings who've continually taken advantage of their kin.

Bluntly, relation is pure chance and does not immediately imply a debt with exception from "parents must care for their child" by social and biological need. I don't owe my physically and mentally abusive parents or brother a damned thing except my disgust.

People in general, not just kin, need to earn respect and community with each other. The bond of parent caring for child doesn't immediately imply the child owes the parent for "bringing them into this world", and instead implies a larger scope debt toward that child then being indebted to any children they subsequently bring into this life.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] sunbeam60@lemmy.one 21 points 1 week ago

Your own happiness is more important that somebody else’s happiness.

Not to say you shouldn’t be nice or help people, or invest in other people’s growth.

But don’t do it to the detriment of your own.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You can just ask people out. You can just ask to kiss someone. I was in my mid 20s when someone told me the first one, and late 20s when someone told me the second one. Dating got a lot easier after each revelation.

[–] EddoWagt@feddit.nl 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You can just ask people out.

I know I can, but you think I dare do that?

[–] OADINC@feddit.nl 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You do it like this: Hey wanna go for a Japan trip with me?

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Being a good person is a weakness in capitalist civilizations.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] funtrek@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 1 week ago

Stoicism. The philosophical ideas of how to live a purposeful and good life.

[–] Grayox@lemmy.ml 14 points 1 week ago

Empathy, Hurt people hurt people.

[–] No1@aussie.zone 14 points 1 week ago

That it's never too late!

[–] bruhsoulz@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Basic necessities arent a given and one should b grateful for em

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That I have moderately severe to severely severe ADHD and I'm on the autism spectrum.

Makes functioning as an adult quite difficult.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Boomkop3@reddthat.com 10 points 1 week ago

Take it sleazy. Not for everyone, but for some people the most productive way of getting stuff done is doing it with less effort. Don't go too fast and burn out

[–] BenVimes@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 week ago

That I will never enjoy the taste of wine.

I figured out I would never like coffee in my teens, and had the same realization about beer in my 20s.

But it wasn't until this year, in my mid-thirties, that I finally accepted that I don't like the taste of wine and probably never will. After years of trying the full spectrum of wines, I had to admit that it wasn't the "notes" that were turning me off, nor was it a problem with the quality of the wine. It was the fundamental "wine-ness" that I disliked, the same as I don't like the "beer-ness" of beer or the "coffee-ness" of coffee.

[–] apotheotic 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

That I am a girl

[–] mindaika@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 week ago

Dynamic programming. I should have just chased a check rather than trying to save the world

[–] evlogii@lemm.ee 8 points 1 week ago

Not all rich people are smart, and not all smart people are rich. Seems kind of obvious to me now, but it took me a long time to comprehend this.

[–] accarezzu@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

That you don't put soap in the bootyhole

[–] Fuad@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 week ago

I don’t feel too late to learn anything so far.

Double entry bookkeeping.

[–] kang@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 week ago

No matter how hard you try, how loud you cry, some people will never change.

[–] That_Devil_Girl@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 week ago

That property has more rights and protections than people do.

The value of human life, in reality, is much lower than I thought it would be.

Laws and rights are only as good as the people & mechanisms that enforce them. A piece of paper doesn't protect you, people do.

That people often prefer a comforting delusion over the truth, even if it hurts them in the long run.

[–] lemmylemonade@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I was today years old (20) when I realized to not rely on anyone for anything. You're on your own in this small little world.

[–] Glide@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 week ago

My friend, I hate to tell you, but that's just not true. We are incredibly at the whims of everyone else to even get too and from work or school each day. We only have running water, electricity, food in the fridge, etc., because we all depend on each other.

Don't mistake being independant with being self-sufficent. Don't mistake requiring the support of others for requiring the support of any one, specific person. Every single one of us is dependant on many of us, but none of us should plan on being dependant on any one specific person for our entire life. And that's okay. This is how society functions, and life is a lot better for it.

Though I am sorry for whatever happened today to leave you feeling that jaded. Some individuals really just aren't worth it. It sucks when we think they are, and find out the hard way.

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)

How to make latte art. First success today at the age of forty!

load more comments (2 replies)

That I'm autistic and signs of psychological abuse.

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 week ago
load more comments
view more: next β€Ί