this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2023
116 points (100.0% liked)

RPGMemes

250 readers
8 users here now

Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 40 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] nxdefiant@startrek.website 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Lawful Good:

Foresight to convince the smart, powerful people that they're making bad decisions, influence them to make better decisions for the world, only use it for enough personal gain to sustain a decent living.

Neutral Good:

Mass Suggestion Convince the dumb powerful people I'm a divine being and they better do as I say, use this power to force positive change amongst the easiest to control masses. Collection plates at churches now go to me.

Chaotic Good:

Gate, Use teleportation to extort billionaires by witnessing their depravity and threatening them with exposure, also portal tech. become Rick Sanchez. Rob swiss banks for fun and profit.

Lawful Evil:

Meteor Swarm: Hold cities hostage for ransom.

Chaotic Evil:

True Polymorph: I'm going to start turning politicians into lizards. For cash I'll turn random shit into itself but but made out of a different material and auction if off, passing myself off as a great artist of incredible talent.

Edit because I forgot about the money half way through.

[–] Attaxalotl@ttrpg.network 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You mixed up ‘chaotic evil’ and ‘chaotic good’

[–] nxdefiant@startrek.website 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm torn between targeting just the worst world leaders or targeting them at random. The end goal would be making every politician understand that a mysterious force WILL turn you into a lizard if you displease it. There will be no indication of what displeases the mysterious force.

[–] peto@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago

If you do it randomly they will all understand that the problem is 'world leaders' if you do it based on a ranking system you will have ones who think they are one of the 'good ones' and so safe.

[–] Mossheart@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 year ago

But the politicians are already lizard people. You can't turn them into lizards if they're already lizards!

[–] Cipher 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Welcome to GoodBerry, Home of the GoodBerry. can I take your order?

[–] sammytheman666@ttrpg.network 5 points 1 year ago

Bring your raspy-sandpappered voice

[–] peto@lemm.ee 29 points 1 year ago

To maximise staying under the radar, probably fabricate. You'd not be amazingly rich, but you could establish a decent living with a lot of free time. If you want to be amazingly rich and you squint hard enough at fabricate and what tool proficiency count mean in the modern world you can probably make some bank with a bit of study of chemistry or engineering. Being able to magically create complex drugs or something is going to draw attention though.

[–] HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The answer is always fireball.

[–] HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone 13 points 1 year ago

Something my buddy always says is "Fireball isn't the answer. It's the question. And the answer is always 'Yes'." Wise words, i'd figure.

[–] mrbubblesort@kbin.social 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Step 1. Cast foresight
Step 2. Go to Vegas
Step 3. Profit

[–] bam13302@ttrpg.network 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
  1. Get booted from every casino after making a mild amount of money

FTFY

[–] Poggervania@kbin.social 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Mage hand and offer ghost handjobs for $1000 per person per handjob

[–] lol3droflxp@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Doesn’t really sound like it wouldn’t draw attention

[–] TechieDamien@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Who would want to admit that they used their services?

[–] Daxter101@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Me. I would. Sounds dope.

(Hi, yes, it's been 5 months and I felt compelled to write this.)

[–] sammytheman666@ttrpg.network 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Suggestion. And then go to Wall Street :)

[–] nxdefiant@startrek.website 5 points 1 year ago

oh I like you.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 year ago

Prestidigitation, and a residency in Las Vegas. David Copperfield was able to buy a private island, imagine what I could do with real magic!

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 year ago

Eldritch blast + spell sniper for no particular reason

[–] Khrux@ttrpg.network 9 points 1 year ago

You could get some great use out of fabricate and proficiency in something related to computer architecture.

Legend Lore could equally grant you valuable knowledge to sell, and similarly half the divination spells could make you a very successful gambler.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Fireba- Oh wait, without drawing attention? Invisibility and Dimension Door to steal riches.

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 5 points 11 months ago

Look, I didn't ask about the size of the room. I said fireball.

[–] Silfeed@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

At a high enough level, I’d use creation on either gold or diamond. Might be hard to sell a 5x5 block if either but you’d make good money if you could. Or just become a human 3D printer and sell off the things you make.

[–] Attaxalotl@ttrpg.network 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Mending, open a phone repair business. People would just think I’m really good at my job!

Also: Borrowed Knowledge + Fabricate

[–] TheOctonaut@mander.xyz 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

So does nobody read the spell description for Mending, or...

This spell repairs a single break or tear in an object you touch, such as broken chain link, two halves of a broken key

How many people are neatly snapping their phone into two halves?

[–] Mossheart@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

A single broken solder joint on a board sounds like it qualifies.

[–] bam13302@ttrpg.network 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Wish is an easy one, since it can be used to cast most of the other spells talked about here

Clone, immortality without any of the normal downsides (I can choose to die still and don't need souls or any bs like that)

Identify and go pawn shop hunting and the like

Really most divination spells would be solid for stock market manipulation

Enchantment spells for manipulating the corporate ladder, or getting into politics or something (mass suggestion in the really any political nexus, geus for more targeted things, modify memory, etc).

Healing and revivification spells and sell my services to the elite, bring back the dead, speak to loved ones, etc. Clone works well here too, especially since it has age manipulation.

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 6 points 1 year ago

Astral Projection head to America set up an evangelic church

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If there is a spell capable of breaking down things into its basic raw elements, that would be it.

Garbage is abundant, as well as junk.

Imagine deconstructing anything back to its basic elements and then sell it. A gigantic pile of mixed junk instantly deconstructed and turned into ingots of pure metals, carbon, and other elements.

[–] Glytch@ttrpg.network 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not only profitable but helpful to the environment. Convert that floating mass of garbage in the Pacific and you're set for life.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago

Instantly buy the largest swat of land I can amass and have it turned into the planets largest wild life preserve.

Source of income: observation tours and nature escapes in full eco villages. Max occupation: 50. Max number of villages: one per 100 square kilometer.

Free access to scientists and wildlife reseaechers.

Security: enforced by snipers.

[–] PoolloverNathan@programming.dev 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Not very experienced, but I'd probably True Polymorph dirt/Steve Huffman into some gold and sell it.

[–] taaz@biglemmowski.win 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Charm, Modify Memory, Illusions, Disguise Self, ...

Always make yourself look way richer and important than you are, smaller millionaires and celebs will flock to you and the bigger fishes will try to use you but they can't because... repeat from the start.

[–] gerusz@ttrpg.network 5 points 1 year ago

Plan 1: Raulothim's Psychic Lance. By the time I get to take that spell, I must have had at least one ASI so I'll just take metamagic adept for subtle spell. I just have to know the name of the target and be within 120 feet of them (240 if the second metamagic option I take is distant spell), and it's pretty close to a guaranteed kill vs. a commoner, no murder weapon, and nothing showing that I was there.

Plan 2: Clone. Claim that it's some revolutionary stem cell rejuvenation therapy and sell it to the super-rich. (Though I might make it fail accidentally if it's someone like Murdoch or Kissinger. Payment in advance, no guarantees, and I'll do it on international waters.)

[–] sirblastalot@ttrpg.network 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Use Augury to slightly improve my odds in online poker. My winnings are legal and legitimate, I don't have to leave the house so no one can tell I'm doing magic, and there's nothing to notice other than I'm unusually good at the game.

EDIT: On second thought, online sports betting is a thing now. I'm changing my answer to that.

[–] sammytheman666@ttrpg.network 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Dont augury take a while to cast ? You gonna need to find games that are slower

[–] sirblastalot@ttrpg.network 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

1 minute. Might be a lil slow for online poker, I wouldn't know, but it's not like I have to use it every hand either.

[–] sammytheman666@ttrpg.network 1 points 11 months ago

Fun fact, its kinda of the gimick in the movie Next, if the hand takes too long he cant see how it goes