this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2024
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[–] atro_city@fedia.io 51 points 5 months ago (5 children)

Online dating is so shit for the majority of hetero dudes. You're lucky if you match with somebody, luckier if you get to have some kind of discussion that doesn't end after a few messages, even luckier if it ends in a date, amazingly lucky if anything physical happens, and incredibly lucky if it turns into a relationship.

Men are expected to initiate, keep the discussion alive, ask out, keep the woman entertained, and be grateful they were chosen. It only gets worse online.

[–] sneezycat@sopuli.xyz 17 points 5 months ago

Online dating is shit for everyone

-a trans lesbian

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

this power imbalance is bad for everyone as well, if you meet up with someone via these (if are not male presenting), there is a concerningly high chance that you get sexually assaulted, I am terrified how common this seems to be among the women I've talked to

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 5 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Male presenting? What does that mean?

[–] The_Terrible_Humbaba@slrpnk.net 10 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I think they mean if you're a woman (trans or cis), it can be terrifying to meet with people. At least that's how I interpreted it.

Edit: Perhaps they are also talking about non-binary people, which is why they chose the words "not male presenting".

[–] AbeilleVegane 4 points 5 months ago

People think they are male when they see them.

[–] match@pawb.social 4 points 5 months ago

In addition to what the other posters said, even merely being a skinny twink (insufficiently male-presenting) is dangerous in some places

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[–] humbletightband@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 5 months ago

Thanks to Tinder I had the best and the worst first dates in my life.

But both long term girlfriends and soon-to-be-my-wife I met through friends

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 6 points 5 months ago

This is partly because the apps suck (because of capitalism/profit motive) and partly because we all suck.

Many people of all genders won't do better than "hey". And then complain that they're not having good experiences. Sometimes it's garbage in, garbage out, my dudes.

I also get a lot of weird dead ends. Their profile will be like "I love elden ring". You'll be like "elden ring is a masterpiece! Did you play the new expansion yet?" They'll be like "no". End of messages. My dude. That's not how this works. In real life, fine, maybe you can give a short answer and see what they do, read some body language. But in an asynchronous text only communication? That's not pulling your weight. And if you're not actually interested, just unmatch. If you don't have time , don't reply at all. It's async. Come back later.

Maybe some of these people match with each other and are very happy with "what's up?" "nm u?" "Im good" forever.

[–] DickFiasco@lemm.ee 2 points 5 months ago

To be fair, real-life dating is also shit.

[–] BlueLineBae@midwest.social 20 points 5 months ago (4 children)

What is the definition of "online" for this chart? The first website wasn't even up until 1991, so how can the line start at 1980?

[–] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 30 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Grandpa was trolling DARPAnet for skanks.

[–] I_am_10_squirrels 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Soon to be a custard fist comic

[–] CustardFist@feddit.nl 2 points 5 months ago

Hmmm…. 🤔

[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 14 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

BBS'es and Fidonet through modem were there before the web.

Don't think many found each other on BBS's but at least they could download low res porn.

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.de 6 points 5 months ago

In the early 1980s, ASCII porn :) NSFW: GIRL82.TXT, ripped by Usagi Electric

[–] thomas@lemmy.ca 8 points 5 months ago

It's a survey, so it relies on the surveyed to tell accurately the date they meet and how, so I won't be surprised that the line here is incorrect.

Or maybe they refer to using classified ads in the newspaper or over of those "romantic meeting agency" (I don't know the name in English, in French it is agence de rencontre) that existed back in the day

[–] dethedrus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 5 months ago

University hosted BBS in 1989 here.

[–] OrkneyKomodo@lemmy.sdf.org 19 points 5 months ago

This belongs in boringdystopia.

[–] mjhelto@lemm.ee 17 points 5 months ago

Looks like a bisected whale!

[–] benjhm@sopuli.xyz 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That's interesting. I wonder whether those 6519 surveyed are representative of whole population, or of people who anyway online a lot. It’s seems there was an inflection around 2012 - what happened then ? The curve ends during covid lockdowns, wonder whether deflected since ?

[–] Bldck 11 points 5 months ago

Tinder launched in 2012. eHarmony and Match.com were pretty fringe sites but Tinder commodified and gamified the mechanics. That made online dating “fun”. Also we saw a huge growth in smart phones in 2010 to 2012

[–] match@pawb.social 7 points 5 months ago

Reopen The Fuckhouses Goddamnit

[–] pseudo@jlai.lu 5 points 5 months ago

Online through dating app is pretty much the same as through matchmaker. If it is through discussing on a forum, on meeting on social media, it would be something else ok or closer to go the bar. Anyway, we need the matchmaker figure to properly compare things.

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 3 points 5 months ago

I don’t see hetero in the graph

Source?

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

when does attraction start? it feels weird that couples would exist in grade school (sorry if this is a dumb question, I am aromantic)

[–] Nelots@lemm.ee 9 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I believe this means how they met in general, not when they started dating.

[–] synae@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 5 months ago

Based on the only "next" school category being college, I'd assume that "grade school" includes high school, even if that is not a common usage

[–] Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

What about at the dog park?

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 5 months ago

Is there a non-catbox link? It never loads for me and I can't read the captions in the thumbnail image.