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What’s the most disruptive/derailing thing you’ve experienced in a relationship? (self.askbeehaw)

submitted 1 week ago by MonkeyTown to c/askbeehaw

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I have some issues. I ignore most of them and cry when I want to. Is it healthy? Fuck no. But it keeps me going!

Today I’m soliciting feelings because I’m ultra disappointed that the person I thought wanted to shape their life to be with me, to match the shaping I’ve done to accomodate them, really only wants compromise when it’s mine! Super fun! We were looking at building a life and now I get to figure out how to do the big life goal things I want on my own! Super!

So, beehaw, what’s the most painful relationship thing you’ve been through? Bonus points if it totally upended your life plans. Extra bonus if they said they were “doing it for you”.

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[–] SweetCitrusBuzz 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Abuse, manipulation (both attempted and successful) and threats all from more than one relationship over the years. Afterwards one of them said we could have something they thought we wanted with them but this just goes to show we were not understood at all by them.

Luckily we have much better relationships with people that actually care about us now.

The pain and trauma is still there though, especially since some happened very recently.

[–] MonkeyTown 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Afterwards one of them said we could have something they thought we wanted with them but this just goes to shown we were not understood at all by them.

I understand that very much. “I’ll let you do x” is not the same thing as “let’s do xyzabcdefg together as equally invested beings”

I’m glad that you and they are in better places; the stones that pile up on your side make you the mountain you are. :)

[–] SweetCitrusBuzz 2 points 1 week ago

Yeah, this is we like our current relationships with people, they want us to be equals.

Oh very much so, though we are more of a forest 😉