this post was submitted on 17 Jan 2024
76 points (100.0% liked)
Asklemmy
1462 readers
92 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I’d feel safer with a person who raised their voice at me for being late, than with a person who just let it go.
God why? I wouldn't want to be around someone so angry.
Raising one’s voice isn’t a loss of control. I don’t feel safe around people who let others abuse them, because I know their lack of a visible response doesn’t mean a total lack of response.
Someone who isn’t visibly addressing disrespect against them, is instead building up resentment.
People with boundaries that are too permissive are less safe, in my book, than people who address disrespect immediately and openly.
Do you mean "speaking up" when you say that? Because "raising one's voice" implies yelling to most people, I think. If yes, then I agree. Being comfortable addressing issues like this is very valuable. That said, I disagree that not addressing it means they're just "building up resentment". They could be, but it's not a certainty by any stretch.
Why is that? That opinion confuses me
Repressed rage tends to cause spectacular blowouts.
Emotionally mature adults shouldn't have to shout at anyone in daily life. It's not repressed rage if you have an even temperament.
I do know several volatile people who consider it normal to 'blow off steam' by having a raging argument every now and then. It may be helpful to them but it's childish and unfair to those around them.
This is therapy. Ffs read the context.
Talk about being completely unaware...
The context of the comment I asked the question to was a situation flip where they stated they’d be more comfortable if the therapist raised their voice in response to them being late…
So, yes. I wouldn’t expect a therapist to have anger issues like that.
You dont yell at your therapist either. Anger management seems like a good first target if you cant stop yourself from yelling at people.
No therapist should put up with being yelled at.
I didn’t say “shout”. I said “raised their voice”.
Raising one’s voice means speaking with more force than casual.
You can split hairs, but I certainly don't 'feel safer' around people who raise their voice to me. It's intemperate, threatening and often bullying. But I can see we won't agree.