elfpie

I hadn't realized how skeptical I was of even genuine attempts from big organizations until I got repeatedly surprised by how they were integrating everyone instead of the usual segregation. Their recommendation for people to not wear strong fragrances shows me that education is a simple accessibly tool that should be deployed more often.

It's about being nice, but I see your point. You are entitled to your point of view and opinion.

My comment is all context. The word is not the problem, it's the way it's being used.

Try it in terms of double standards. It's an experiment that has been done. People see a man talking aggressively to a woman and some will intervene. People see a woman talking aggressively to a man and the number that intervenes drops significantly, some will cheer.

Or try it in terms of victims of violence. They see people fighting and they react as if they are in immediate danger. They feel safe with their friends, but their friends suddenly decide to start arguments on the street.

Reading what you wrote, I know you can understand the issue. We are not saying you all are wrong, just that it hurts. Can you understand why it hurts? That's the only thing that really matters and that I want to discuss right now.

Hello there. I assume you have good intentions with your comment, but I read it as if you were talking to an idea, not a person. A person has feelings that they want to express and be validated. Treat the wound before discussing how to prevent it.

You offered a solution, disengaging, which is nice. I also believe we have a responsibility to ourselves. The problem that I want to point out is you might not have asked yourself the question: "Why don't they leave the situation? " Can you think of a reason? There must be, we can even ask if necessary. You see, what's non essential in my life might be very important for someone else.

About space and fairness. This is not a childish dispute. You have the right to your space. In practical terms, they will follow you home and take it from you if you let them. I'm not being hyperbolic. They don't want you to exist anywhere and will follow you everywhere. Beehaw is a gated space that so many people disapprove, but that serves a very specific purpose, being a safe space, because hiding and isolating yourself from the world is not good to your mental health either.

Sorry for hijacking the post, but I don't think people get why this usage of weird bothers some people. It's not that we (several kinds of weird we) are not used to be called weird or similar. We grew up and found people who were like us and understood our quirkiness. Weird was the weapon of the bigot and we took that away from them. Until our friends, or community at large, started acting like the people that hurt us in the past. We could deal with the bullies and ignorant using it against us, but this new situation was unexpected.

I don't like comparing struggles, but I'll use examples to, maybe, make things clear. Using queer instead of weird would have bothered them the same, although I don't believe it would have worked the same way, but more people at our side would see the issue. And the next one might be much more personal, but reading "good weird, bad weird" sounds like "good negro, bad negro" to me. You don't get to judge or qualify me.

Also, even in a discussion that completely accepts and is understanding of people using weird as a weapon to the point of trying to find another word to be used in a positive way, there are comments that invalidate the feelings of those who are affected. If you believe words have power, why can't you see the collateral damage?

Honestly, I'm trying to endure it until election season ends there in the USA, but I'm starting to feel the need to talk about all the wonderful things I like using the word weird just to counteract the negativity.

I was talking about how we always have this type of discussion frequently with my therapist earlier today. It’s always nice to pause and remind ourselves and those outside of our philosophy. One thing that I’d like to add is we might not be(e) nice sometimes because of personal circumstances. We are having a bad day and a comment will trigger a reaction that would be uncommon or we might be aggressive without provocation.

In cases we feel the need to hit back, I’d advise postponing the response by at least one hour. Give yourself time to clear your mind and think things over. And if you are the target of users having a bad day, reminding them that they are not be(e)ing nice is the alternative. Asking questions is the best. “Did I offend you?”, “Did I say something wrong?”, “I don’t understand what the issue is.” Even if they keep the aggression, they will point to the specific issue that needs to be worked on, or prove they don’t want to discuss genuinely.

I read it. I was familiar with that form of activism, but I don't agree this is it. I saw all the examples presented as forms of reframing the situations to deflate their original meaning. The author says using weird is non violent, but it's an attack using a word. The advice is use it because it hurts, not because it makes their ideals less appealing.

edit: Anti-Authoritarian Clowns: A Revolutionary History

I sometimes say to my best friend, among other generally inappropriate things, that something she does is gay, and she does the same to me. It is a private reclamation of the use of the word gay as a slur, but outside any context, to an outside observer, it’s just casual homophobia.

Let me go back to that child. I don’t think they will hear horrible people being called weird and see it as being bad weird. It’s just plain weird. If it’s not being different that’s the issue, but the specific bad behavior, why the focus is on weird? We know words help shape our perception, we fight for those changes. What bothers me is hearing the same harmful words I heard so many times towards me and around me being used by those who seemed to understand how they hurt. I guess it’s similar to the discussion of being okay to attack someone’s looks if they are on the other side.

I’m going to present you with resources I think might help. I chose two therapists that speak in a way that resonates with me, but it can be different for you.

The first one is Kati Morton. She has straightforward videos talking about health issues and discussing questions from her listeners.

• How do I Create a Suicide Safety Plan? – it’s actually a playlist. I recommend watching the first video and looking for something you find helpful in the list.

• How do I keep going when I feel like giving up? – It’s a longer video, but the second question is the relevant one.

• How do I know what support I need? – This one might help you put into words what others can do for you.

The second one is Georgia Dow. She now makes video analysis about fictional characters, but I think they help to understand some issues and distance ourselves to give some more perspective.

• What you CAN do if you can't Afford Therapy – This is an interesting one. It’s short and to the point, not an analysis this case, just tips.

• How Family Affects our Psychology: Black Widow – I think this a good example of what she does normally nowadays.

The first video from each therapist is what I really recommend watching. Beside that, based on my personal experiences, I can add a few things. I believe it’s really important for you to have two things: Time to feel and process all your feelings / Time to simply be happy.

Start with something you will be able to manage. Ten minutes for instance. Those ten minutes each are selfishly yours and no one else can interfere.

Set a specific time of the day for processing your feelings and try to keep a routine. Any other time, if you have thoughts and feelings starting to overwhelm you, you can tell yourself that you will deal with them when the time is right. Really tell yourself and make it true. It doesn’t have to be a successful experience, but you can’t lie to yourself and skip you self appointment. I would advise setting a specific time for the happy session too, just so you have something to look forward to.

Processing your feelings can be done by journaling. The secret that helped me with it was hearing that I should just use it as a processing tool. Nothing I write, or the way I write, is that important. Just put it to paper (actual paper is best) and trash it later. Just unload it from your mind so you can see with different eyes. Meditation could work, but I have limited experience with that.

Being happy is making a piece of your day good somehow. It’s the time to leave all the troubles behind, because they will be there later on anyway, but not during the period you decided they shouldn’t matter. It’s a breathing room. Do you like to dance, to listen to music, to cook? Maybe you don’t know what you like or might help. Make a list and start putting items in that list that you can try later. Walk around the block (start small), go to a cat café, read a book chapter, watch a video, take a shower, do a breathing exercise, do silly faces in front of the mirror. I really don’t know, experiment and have fun.

At this point, the focus is building your strength so you can deal with the real hardship your life is putting in front of you. When you don’t have to deal with your mind doubling down on your issues, you can try to find your path to something better. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing and maybe it’s just too much. I hope it’s just enough as to help with a first step though.

Sorry, I didn't want to make a bad faith argument, but I think it's necessary to clarify the issue.

The exemption will allow bigots from those instances to still have access and the benefit of doubt. People who might have valid reasons to not disclose openly their position will have to create a new account.

If pronouns are a safety measure, there's a big flaw in making exemptions. Will the users know the people they are talking are not marked because they can't be.

Just a thought. Maybe make it a required opener or signature.

(he / him / queer)

I decided to give a chance to Super Virus Defense. It was made by the brother in law of my best friend, but it was described as tower defense so it sat ignored for over a year. I play on PC, but it's very mobile like. I'm addicted. There's a grind element to buy upgrades, but it's been so non mindless that it reminded me of how big companies just choose to make you suffer. Specifically, I can grind while completing higher difficulties in previous levels or by playing the endless mode.

Playing it made me want to create a post with all the Brazilian indie games that I really liked over the years.

There's not much I can do, but I'm here. I read what you wrote and it mattered. I'm writing because I care. You have all the right to express your suffering. You had a hard life and you are still dealing with it. You are in a transitional state, and sometimes being in the middle is the worst place to be.

You know, reading your story, what I saw was a woman moving forward. You have a lot of empathy for your parents, understanding their circumstances and actions, but what they did hurt you nonetheless. So you have to process it so you can keep moving without that weight.

You are depressed. Not a diagnosis, just the way you present your world. You talk as if you're worthless. You are not. You talk about killing yourself and worry about inconveniencing others. I know personally how it feels to want to end this horrible existence and to despair when nothing you said prevented a best friend from trying herself. It's so hard and it seems so easy to end all. The thing is, death comes as a solution but it's rarely what we want.

What do you want? Really. What is it you are moving forward to? Where's your happy world? How does it look like?

The only advise I can give right now is to try to challenge the lies we tell ourselves. Start small. Every time you make an absolute statement (I have no value, I always annoy everyone), find one single proof it's not absolutely true. One instance in which you had the smallest of values or that people enjoyed your company. Then find another one. Also, from time to time, look behind and see how far you've come. It won't change how hard you'll still have to fight, but it will give you perspective.

Seek therapy if possible. Look up how to find a good therapist if you decide to go in that direction. Be more selfish. You deserve that.