Maybe, but THIS is one step beyond madness.
Hotrod_Jesus
joined 1 year ago
All of them. I've replaced my skills with the hammer with those of the monkeywrench. There is no vehicle known to man or god I can't trick out.
Side note - I see your check engine light is on. You may need a tune-up. Bring it on by the garage @13thFloor and we'll see about a valve and soul lube job.
My Dad is such a dick.
Family can suck - trust me, I know. We've got your back.
Dude, don't even get me STARTED on the Bible. I'm so goddamn pissed off about what those chucklefucks of disciples wrote about me. That whole bit about homophobia - all Peter (that dude was so far in the closet he was adventuring in Narnia). Dad doesn't give a shit where you stick your dick as long as you're a good person. And I mean, we were just a bunch of goddamn hippies scrounging in the deserts, for chrissake. It was John the Baptist that started all this bullshit when he blew my cover.
Now, I admit, I was pretty much drunk and high the entire time, so my memories are a bit fuzzy, but shit man, you're roadtripping around the country in your 20s, you don't expect motherfuckers to make a goddamn religion out of it two centuries later.
This is why I work on cars now, not people. A car doesn't give a shit what you say to it. People go fucking nuts the moment you tell them who your dad is...
Look man, I'm sorry. I was totally drunk and high when I said most of that shit, and most of it was taken out of context. I mean, I know it's not an excuse, but I was trying to speak metaphorically and it all came out wrong, and I'd just had a fight with my dad, so I was really anti-family at the time.
Fucking bummed the prediction came out right though. Last time I 'shroom in public, that's for sure.
Fuck this propaganda bullshit. Dad is always trying to duck the blame for his shitty behavior. The whole "get crucified and save the world thing" was his idea - you think I wanted to get nails driven through my damn hands?
And another thing - everyone is always misquoting me and thinking I'm him. For the last fucking time, I'M NOT MY DAD. I have nothing to do with anything that asshole spits out, or how reporters spun my quotes after the whole cross situation. I mean, for fuck's sake, platypuses? What kind of sick mind comes up with that? Who looks at a duck and thinks hey, that's not badass enough - lets make it venomous and furry!
ONE SICK MOTHERFUCKER, that's who, and I'm tired of taking responsibility for his weird ass decisions and proclamations.
For the record, since everyone wants to misquote me on these things: no one needs saving they can't provide to themselves. Fuck who you like. Love who you like. Do what you like, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone... or causes changes to duck genetics. Ducks are cool as-is, bro.
Also, I effing love atheists. You guys are fucking hilarious, and I love seeing you piss off the old man. So y'all get an upvote for letting me rant, and if your soul engine ever needs a tune-up, hit me up in the garage.