Asklemmy

As much as I hate to say it… sleep, exercise, avoiding drugs and alcohol, and sticking to a strict routine.

When I was in my teens and 20s, I thought everyone was full of shit, and that everyone who claimed that any of those worked had just never experienced actual depression before because there was no way something that sounded so simple could actually make an impact.

As it turns out, my brain needs a heavy dose of mood stabilizers every night and 8-9 hours of sleep (but no more than that, sleeping too much is also bad). If I’m checking those two boxes, I’m a pretty functional and happy person.

If I’m not, it snowballs pretty quickly: first, my attitude will shift from things being opportunities to things being obligations. Then I find myself not being able to keep up with my regular tasks. These dishes suck, work sucks, my stupid dog is barking again – she sucks too. Everything feels boring and tiring and meaningless. I resent everybody and argue with people in my head. My internal monologue is brutal. Everything is a stupid piece of shit, myself included. Exercise is stupid. Making food is stupid; it takes forever and just makes more dishes. Now you’re eating stale crackers for dinner? Who does that? (You get the picture.)

I’ve been on medication for eight years and sober for five – all of what I described above is what happens to me just after being sleep deprived for a day or two.

So it’s frustrating because all the stuff that well-meaning, non-depressed people suggest does have a huge impact. But it’s way harder for a depressed brain to accomplish any of it, and hearing “oh, well just do this easy thing that works for me!” can be incredibly discouraging.

Like your mom’s advice: “think happy thoughts”? 10 years ago I would have heard that as “just think about sunshine and rainbows and all your problems will be solved” – and yeah, that’s pretty dumb advice. But if you replace that with “use positive self-talk and be mindful of small things that make you happy,” that can be a powerful tool.

So be patient with your brain and gentle when you talk to yourself – depression is tough, but with the right medication and the proper emotional tools to work through it, it can be managed.

Also: if you’re not already seeing one, I highly recommend therapy if you have the option. The techniques may seem dumb at first, but they really do work.

Long term, therapy and medication and taking care of yourself. It's tough, but with a lot of work you can start to figure out the pieces of it - which parts are physical/environmental, which parts are mental thoughts patterns and changeable with therapy, which parts are chemical and need the right medication. They all feed into each other, of course, but after a lot of years and work I've gotten a pretty good sense of which part is my "chemical" depression which changes with medication and which parts are modifiable by me.

Of course, that all takes time. In the short term, first, do a health check: make sure every day fhat you've eaten, you've drunk water, you've slept, and you've gotten some sunlight and a bit of a walk at least. These are not cures but they are compounding factors. If you're depressed and hungry and exhausted the depression is going to be magnified a lot more than if you are well fed and rested. Then, do your best to stop thought spirals. If you don't want to be alone with your thoughts, find a podcast or YouTube channel or show that you like and always have it on. Listen to that instead. If you have a hobby you can do that doesn't rely on making "good" results or being inspired, do that (for me, I learned that I can't write or draw while in depressive spirals because I'll start thinking everything I make is trash and that makes it worse, but I can play the piano and practice songs I already know - figure out what works for you). Again, this isn't a fix, but the goal is to stop any spiraling thoughts from getting worse. Do whatever it takes to distract yourself - "ignoring it" is better than "dwelling on it" until you get to a point where you can actually start fixing it.

In the medium term, start getting on therapy and medication and work on getting to a stable place - friends you like, job and living situation that you like well enough, etc. If you can have pets, pets are great - they will remind you that it's time to eat or sleep or go out, and they're great companions. My cat will try to physically herd me into bed if she thinks I'm up too late, and she's usually right.

Hope this helps and that everything starts looking better for you.

Get advice from a mental health professional not the internet.

I’m on antidepressants, I exercise daily, I engage with my friends, I lean into my passions, I try to eat healthily.

Are any of these a magic bullet? No, but they all help in different ways.

For me; a big one is maintaining a healthy routine. But that’s me. Everyone is different, you’ll have to find what works for you