Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.
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As for the abuse, this is exactly why you should stay away from people who:
Such people should be kept away from kink at all costs.
I was introduced to the scene by a woman who "figured it out" for herself. She nominally wanted a Dom but was a fucking power bottom. That took years to recover from, and I was inactive and went vanilla before being able to return to exploring.
The surge in interest in BDSM since 50 Shades came out has not been kind to the community. People want to just play without learning anything, and this is a very risky space in terms of the possibility of abuse wrapped under the guise of kink.
I've not been on FetLife in nearly a decade as a result, and I don't even go to the subreddits for my main kinks anymore.
Yeah, exactly. The mainstream seems to be only to be able to depict abuse being kink.
The latest one is Babygirl (film) I've not seen it but based on the trailer it sure looked that way. I hope it isn't but I don't have high hopes of a mainstream film or other media ever depicting actually good consent and kinks beyond the ones most associated with the mainstream understanding of kink.
I think Secretary didn't do a terrible job. But it's been downhill from there.
There are so many kinks within BDSM that trying to lump them all together is pointless. I'm a switch, so it's never clear what role I'll take with a new partner. But going into details has in the past not worked out so well here.
I think Secretary is good bad representation. Two people figuring out how to navigate their kink, but also learning how to deal with their bad behavior. They are flawed and don't know what they are doing. It's a movie, not an inspiration for life.
I'm not saying it's perfect by any stretch, but an accurate depiction of a power-exchange lifestyle would make for terrible cinema. It's not all about whips, chains and leather. Dear god, can you imagine the critical reaction to an actual aftercare scene (no pun intended)?
Yeah, I have heard it brought up as a good example but wasn't sure. I'll check it out.
Not sure what you mean about trying to lump them all together.
This insane notion that "BDSM" is a kink. That's like saying your favourite meal is food.
Seconded - Secretary is lovely for all the right reasons.
There is a kink education and discussion community if you'd like to post it there: !kink@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Thanks for the suggestion. I wanted to bring this to attention to the people outside that won't look up even the superficial stuff, which is consent.
Thinking about it a little more, that quote is great for the people that get convinced to perform a scene because their partner wants to experience being a sub and might end up traumatizing themselves for what they have done.
Wouldn't do it to yourself under any circumstances, don't do it to others.
This is why 'doms' need to go through training what it's like to be a 'sub' ioo and possibly vice verse, to notice and deal with the potential pitfalls.
Dear god, the number of people who reach out to me calling me Daddy. Opening message. No fucking clue that you don't do that.