The fact you feel the need to hide significant aspects of yourself from your employer means that these social issues greatly affect you. So much so that I'm not convinced this isn't a troll, "it's fine as long as I don't see it" is literally a homophobe trope.
this post was submitted on 14 Jan 2025
18 points (100.0% liked)
Asklemmy
1462 readers
165 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
Your comment suggests you are affected by it, because you suggest that you can't be open about it.
Furthermore, it doesn't matter if you keep it to yourself, alt-righters love doxxing LGBT people and reporting them to their workplace. I have a trans friend who's roommate was abusive, and he'd report her to her workplace as having lied on her resume. She went through several jobs as a result of trying to keep her identity a secret like you, because her roommate reporting her and getting her fired (she eventually found a job that didn't give a fuck about her being trans, told him to go fuck himself and helped her move away from him).
Quite honestly I'm amazed this post has been left up because it's basically "don't say gay". "Just don't talk about it and it's not an issue". Yeah, it kinda is a problem if Karen gets pissed off because she saw me giving my boyfriend a smooch when he drops me off at my workplace.
They didn't say "don't say gay". They said "Being gay shouldn't be your identity and should make no impact for better or worse in the workplace"
I don't have a choice. Being trans is part of my identity, whether I like it or not. It's not a diagnosis, it's a label describing who I am. The idea of having to "boy-mode" the rest of my life because I have to bend to the will of some dumbass, PoS Karen who's own family doesn't love her, just because she might get offended by who I am is extremely painful. There's a reason why suicide rates are extremely high among trans people. I cannot change who I am. I cannot cover it up forever. There will become a point at which, no matter how hard I try, it will become obvious that I'm trans.
Don't say gay, don't act gay, don't be gay. That's what "don't say gay" is, and that's exactly what OP is advocating for. And no, it shouldn't matter if you're straight or gay, but it does matter because there are more hateful idiots out there than there are loving people.
Ok. Trans for me is a different subject. You are absolutely right. You have a harder time blending in than non-trans. However, I still believe that OP is not meaning "don't say gay". They're saying it's no one's business. Which does apply to you. However that's an uphill battle for you unfortunately. Still don't believe there's anything wrong with you telling someone in the workplace to mind their own business
It is no one's business yet people make it their business. If OP gets fired because they get seen giving their partner a kiss or a neighbour outs them then, suddenly their identity is an issue at work. Just because OP has not been outed involuntarily yet, doesn't mean it won't affect them in the future. And if OP, for fear of getting fired, is keeping their identity a secret, it is actively affecting them. If a gay dude says to their co-worker "my partner made that cake" instead of "my boyfriend made that cake" because mentioning a boyfriend is a risk to their work it is affecting them.
I don't believe OP is afraid of getting fired over their orientation. To me, it just seems like they prefer to keep their personal life and work life separate without sacrificing any morals
I also don't parade my identity at work but I'm obviously still affected by the false accusations and firings I've seen of other queer people. I'm single right now but imagine if the wrong person saw me getting picked up by my partner, my livelihood would be gone and I'd have to go back to my old dead end job where cis men were allowed to scream at me and throw things and management would make excuses.
(I was closeted there too, that place was just like that)
You are affected by anti-LGBT discrimination, you're just not paying attention for some reason.
Uh, I'm not affected. What's there to pay attention to? Not one single instance have I had, in all of 10+ jobs in my resume, where my LGBTQ status was put into question because it was never a matter on the table to begin with. I never brought it up. I never mentioned or talked about who I was with or seeing. I don't drop hints, nothing. I didn't have nosy people, which sounds like what you had and other people.
Anytime I was fired or penalized, it was because of policy violations that amounted to insubordination or just performance in general. Not once, ever, has it been because of my identity. You really must be living in places where you're running into these issues all of the time, because I don't.
Good for you to have that privilege. Note how it's not an issue for you because of your region, not because you manage to keep it secret (which btw is an effect on you)
Because if it's an issue at all, it's a risk for you. It's cool that you don't know anyone nosy now, but if the wrong person finds out you're LGBT, you'll be affected. And you having a risk that cis people don't have is already an effect.
There's no such thing as inherent good or evil. It's just people doing what they think is best. The closest thing to inherent evil is religion