Trans

Pretty meh so far, at least until tonight before I got off work: shortly before closing, I had an asshole come up, buy some cigarettes (I work at a gas station), and then and only then after having finished his transaction, turns to me and says, "Just so you know, there're only two genders."

I responded with, "Just so you know, I don't care." and then he flipped me the bird without even looking at me as he was walking away.

This is not the first time this has happened to me, and I try to put on a tough face to these dick-waffles, but honestly, it still hurt me and I hate how I'm emotionally vulnerable to it, even if I don't show it to them. :(

Edit: Hooooly SHIT. The dude just came by today and apologized for his behavior.

I accepted it gratefully and gracefully but godDAMN was I not expecting that. I am...so confused. I am happy...but confused.

A cat girl dmed me and offered cuddles :3

Thinking about going back to therapy because my flashbacks/anxiety attacks have been through the roof the past week. The meds I’m on have been great for my anxiety generally, I just haven’t been able to find a reliable way to shut down the prolonged adrenaline surges and the fear sweats (ew).

I feel pretty good despite all that, which is part of why I know the meds are still working; instead of spiraling when I start panicking I’m just going ‘damn this sucks’ and cuddling my cat and/or husband. Annoyingly knowing that doesn’t fix the panic!

I got blood work done and will hopefully get a referral for HRT :3

I joined a dancing class!

How have other transfems come out or explore their femininity more openly when they don't look remotely feminine? I've been on HRT for 7 months or so, and I just don't look feminine. I look a little more feminine than I did, but still not enough to be even close to looking natural or comfortable in feminine expression. It just... doesn't look right. And that makes me feel weird which makes it look even worse.

I don't want to come out to people, telling them that I feel like a woman, when I look and sound like a man. And it's starting to limit me in doing feminine things that I need to do to look more feminine so it's circular, I'm too insecure to book a hair or nail appointment because I look like a man. I hate all of it.