Amelia_

joined 1 year ago
[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 month ago

I have, more or less, lost all hope for my transition. I am the same place now as I was ten months ago. I don't sound right, I don't look right, I don't feel right. Everyone else is moving on further and faster, and seems to be getting more results from less work.

I just want to go in to hiding and let everyone forget I exist.

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 4 months ago

can't worry about old photos if you never let anyone take photos of you

hecc you, past me >:3

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 months ago

I don't understand, this is literally what I've seen a bunch of other training guides say, working on raising your larynx, being aware of the sounds your mouth and throat make, and slowly raising your vocal range. What's the difference between this and the other guides?

I swear I'm about to have a breakdown, this is literally the only guide that's straightforward and tells you what to do instead of giving you 15000 word essays on resonance and how pitch isn't that important without actually telling you how to change your voice.

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I strongly recommend the below for pure practical instructions, exercises, and demonstrations from beginner to expert

https://buymeacoffee.com/alyssavt/no-explanations-instructions-feminizing

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 4 months ago

gosh yes! Mint plus the upgrades to Proton are what finally got me to move from Windows.

Ubuntu just had a bunch of tiny annoying problems that wouldn't go away, that Mint either solves out of the box or offers simple GUI options to pick a preferred behaviour.

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

12/10 very cute bean with a very cute setup

^w^^h^^a^^t^^'^^s^ ^w^^r^^o^^n^^g^ ^w^^i^^t^^h^ ^m^^i^^n^^t^^?^ ^:^^<^

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Yesterday was the first time in my life I came close to self-harm. I bought some bralettes and gaffs to, I don't even know, try to look more feminine I guess? But I tried them on and I looked, for lack of a better description, breathtakingly revolting. So bad I think I must have disassociated for about fifteen minutes, no thoughts no emotions, just pulling them off me like live snakes. Then I had a breakdown.

I had to fight the urge all day yesterday and today to delete this account, and my matrix account, and discord, and any other account I could remember, fight the urge to isolate myself from everyone and everything so I would never have to be perceived by anyone ever again.

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 months ago

Thank you for this, your support really helped.

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 months ago (4 children)

How have other transfems come out or explore their femininity more openly when they don't look remotely feminine? I've been on HRT for 7 months or so, and I just don't look feminine. I look a little more feminine than I did, but still not enough to be even close to looking natural or comfortable in feminine expression. It just... doesn't look right. And that makes me feel weird which makes it look even worse.

I don't want to come out to people, telling them that I feel like a woman, when I look and sound like a man. And it's starting to limit me in doing feminine things that I need to do to look more feminine so it's circular, I'm too insecure to book a hair or nail appointment because I look like a man. I hate all of it.

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

It feels like my partner wants to be supportive because it's the right thing to do, but at an instinctive level she is unhappy and resentful as she was raised in an exceptionally conservative, highly-religious, eastern european family.

Which results in saying the right things, but pulling back short of any real support with passive aggression, apathy, and feigned ignorance. I'm not sure whether I'd prefer that to completely unsupportive.

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Not so great. 6 months HRT.

I don't look good in any feminine clothing. I'm too insecure to practice voice or makeup around my partner. Because I don't look remotely femme I'm too insecure to look for a hairdresser.

My partner keeps pressuring me because I don't like enough traditionally cis woman things, or don't like them as much as I should, or that I still like some things that are not necessarily targeted towards cis women, and its ruining my self-confidence. I need local transfem friends I can reach out to and hang out with and go shopping with but its not easy being older and non-US.

Once step forward, three steps back.

[–] Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

America is even worse than I thought if so! I pay a third of that for estrogen, finasteride, and progesterone! And that's in the UK, which is its own special hellhole...

42
Coming out stories? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 

Hiya ladies,

With my hair growing, nails manicured, and eyebrows shaped, it's going to become harder and harder to boymode inconspicuously around family or friends (only my partner knows). On the other side of that, I'm nowhere near passing or even presenting femme in public, which makes the idea of coming out quite scary as they're seeing masculinity when I'm declaring femininity.

Part of me wants to wait like two years and then one day suddenly appear as my new completely feminine (hopefully beautiful!) self without any warning or advance notice! So people see the best version of myself, rather than seeing the mid-transition mess I am right now (or pre-transition mess I was!). But realistically I know that's not gonna work!

So I'd love to hear some coming out stories and when in your transition you decided it was right for you! And how those you came out to responded, if you're comfortable sharing that!

 

Hiya ladies,

Today I'm trying to understand how to let go of the mean, unhappy boy I never wanted to be, and embrace the passionate, loving girlie I dream of becoming.

Before I was brave enough to accept myself I was self-isolating, over eating, and indulging in various other coping mechanisms for short term, unsustainable dopamine hits. I was also mean, anti-social, and very standoffish because I thought that's who people expected me to be.

Now I want to be, need to be, someone completely different, letting out the parts of myself that I suppressed for so long I forgot they were even there. How did you do it? How did you unlearn those almost instinctive behaviours and defence mechanisms that keep people away and keep your real self buried and suffocating?

Thank you in advance <3

 

Hiya girlies!

Today I'd love for us to share the little tips and tricks that you're proud of, things that help you feel like the best version of you! It could be about anything, makeup, hair, hair removal, voice, mannerisms, diet, exercise, fashion, whatever you learned that had a positive impact on your life that could help another girlie learning who she wants to be!

Something I've been particularly enjoying recently is finding ladies I particularly admire in media and copying the things they say, trying to match their intonation and expression. I know it's not an original idea but it can be super fun and very satisfying when you get it right! :3

 
 

Recently I have been struggling a little trying to accept and prepare for the consequences of coming out and exposing this very sensitive part of myself to the world. With the increase in hate crimes and anti-trans sentiment it is a very scary idea.

This was made even worse by a comment I found on Reddit today:

People ask why I bailed on transitioning. It’s not fun having your entire right to exist as a human being used as a political tool. It’s exhausting. I don’t want to have to spend my life justifying who I am to people who frankly don’t give a shit either way. They just want to hate me. 15 years ago nobody gave a toss which toilet I used in public. Today I’ll get spat on while waiting for a bus because I dared wear a dress. Not once in my life in this country till about 5 or 6 year ago did I ever feel scared for my safety for being who I am. I may be miserable now, but at least nobody is spitting on me anymore.

So I'd love to hear other's perspectives on what they've actually experienced and how they have dealt with it. I am sorry for raising such a painful topic but hopefully it can help people.

 

Hiya girlies!

From tomorrow I am visiting my partner's highly Catholic, Eastern European parents, so I will have to pretend to be a boy for like two weeks straight.

I already know I'm gonna feel disgusting when I get back.

So what things do you do to feel cute and feminine? I'd love to have some nice things to try when I am safe again.

Thank you <3

7
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by Amelia_@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 

Hiya, I hope everyone is having a comfy weekend (:

Today I'd love to read people's perspective on their vocal training. I'm barely a day in, finding numerous exercises and opinions and coaches from various backgrounds. And of course practicing for myself.

My question right now is per the title, how important are the technical aspects of finding the right voice, versus simply practicing and re-training your vocal muscles? My femme voice is too breathy and it sounds forced and I have to stop myself elongating words to hold the higher pitch.

I'm wondering how you find the difference between actually doing something wrong (or falling in to beginner's traps), and just needing to speak that way more frequently and for longer periods.

I'd really appreciate any tips, on this or in general, or even questions from other people! As I don't see a vocal related thread posted here recently.

 

So this was me, a couple of weeks ago.

Up until last night I was still struggling, until I watched a trans affirmation video, the part where the woman filming it instructs you to repeat your feminine name aloud to yourself.

This is something I had never actually done before, and the power of the right name, one that is really yours, is truly astonishing. It only took saying it a couple of times for the euphoria to hit so hard I couldn't stop crying. And that was kind of it for me, really.

What's the point of having an easy life and money in your savings account if you want to throw yourself off a building every day?

I don't really have a choice anymore, even though it would maybe be easier and safer if I could reject her. Amelia is just who I am.

So what should your newest girl buy herself to celebrate falling to the radical trans agenda? (:

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