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I 'adopted' a cute femboy fox who came to SF at the beginning of pride month to experience a new city and life and cheer up from their depression. This is the fifth person I've ended up giving a spot to live for an undefined period of time and currently the third person at my house who isn't paying rent. It's weird to be in enough of a place of privilege to be able to give back in little ways like this.

Reflecting on this, in my early twenties I used to hate living with other people- I found them mostly inconsiderate and I tolerated their presence only because they shared the rent. Over time I've realized it's just that I wasn't picky enough with who I wanted to live with. As I've given space away for free to people I care about, I've also realized just how extroverted I truly am and how much happier I am to be in a big loving household.

Which is all a long preamble to just say I'm in a really good place right now and it seems like spending more of my life trying to chase happiness in the moment has lead to much more sustainable happiness in the long term too. Sacrificing happiness today for something in the future mostly just ends up making me not as happy overall.

Well, dealt with a Lemmy fire last night/this morning and then immediately fell out of that frying pan into some work-related IT fires....and it's only Monday.

It's now after 5:00, so...

spoiler

I have a new internet connection that is vastly better than my old one. I live in a rural area that was still on dial up until 2012, then got DSL. It was archaic, to say the least. Mostly it was more reliable to use my phone's LTE hotspot than to use the house internet. Starlink had a waiting list when I looked into them (not that I really wanted to give Elon any money), a local internet provider required us to install an 80 foot tower to get line of sight to them, and so far up until now all the cell phone companies that offer home internet plans have always had "not available in your area" when I put in my address.

On a whim, I checked one of our cell phone providers' websites last week because they recently installed a new tower nearby and 5G home internet was finally available! The speed varies wildly, sometimes it is 20 Mbps and others it's 100 Mbps, but the DSL varied from less than 1 Mbps up to 4 Mbps download speed. We can download games in minutes instead of hours now, it's so exciting. It also costs $50 per month instead of $160, the old internet was a total rip off!

Better now that I got the upgrade to 0.18.1 to run correctly. Blew up the VM twice last night, restored it again this morning, manually shut down docker and run the playbook again and it just worked this time. Got around to imaging the other parts of the network, broke a non-important router on upgrade. Fix that mess later, brain is fry.

But I have been given freeze dried strawberries and cheesy crackers from Big Dwagon, so all is good I suppose.

What inspired you to eat so much? Where I am, portion sizes are absolutely out of control, and it’s reflected in the obesity rate. I literally get an average of full 3 meals out of anything I buy from any restaurant. A chipotle burrito is an entire days worth of calories nearly, and I just don’t understand how anyone over 18 can eat a full one. Kids, I get. I remember being a teenager and ravenous, but that goes away as you get older, so how do people keep eating so much??

My week is going well, all things considered. I'm in the New England area and all the surrounding areas are suffering from flooding, but my town is unscathed at the moment. The ducks are pretty happy with all of the rain, the chickens not so much, and I'm annoyed that the shipping container our friends gave us for a duck coop can't be painted to protect it from the moisture, but I'm overall thankful that the government response has been pretty quick and everyone we know is safe and sound so far.

Not quite a disaster but a credit card got hacked, my Microsoft account was locked for suspicious activity, and I received a very targeted phishing attempt for my banking credentials. I'm now a paid subscriber of Bitwarden, set up a shared vault with my partner, and have 2 yubikeys arriving later this week.

This week is the first week I've felt halfway close to being a human being in a really long time. My rTMS treatment for depression is finally starting to kick in. This is my 3rd round now and each time I see significant improvements, but they only last 4ish months and I relapse horrifically after.

My most recent relapse lasted 3ish months while I was scrambling to get treatment (and an unsuccessful Ketamine trial). I finally found a hospital willing to treat me, and also give me maintenance treatments so hopefully I don't relapse again.

It's just been hell for a while. Last weekend I finally felt the gears in my brain "click". I am capable of experiencing positive emotions again. I still feel emotionally dead a lot of the time, but at least I don't want to die anymore (for now).

It feels good to not be in excruciating pain. It feels good to have less disordered thinking. I look back and it feels like I was a different person, I don't even understand or recognize that person.

Anyways, I'm just... Trying to take a breather. Trying to fully experience the moment. I don't know how things will go in the long term, but I know the next couple of months will continue to be livable. Trying to be grateful for that, and not think too much about what comes next.

I thought it was going okay: I got 6 hours of sleep (unheard of!), I woke up on time, and work was moving along smoothly. But then... my cat got sick and a not-beloved coworker decided to be annoying, so I hit a snag for a while there. I'm back at it again, having survived the issue with my cat AND the co-irker, and the day is starting to look up again. Here's hoping that the trend continues up tomorrow...

One of my big life stressors was time limited, and that time expired today with everything getting done that needed to for said stressor to go away, so the week is starting our pretty well.

I'm wishing you excellent digestion, effortless prioritization, energy, ease, and efficiency. ❤️

My Buff Orpington, Welsummer, and guinea chicks are all 2 weeks old today, and they are legitimately trying to fly around their enclosure even though none of them are fully fledged! It's crazy, they are like little peeping popcorn, hopping and popping around. And they're so funny! Somebody will occasionally find an extra long piece of pine shaving to carry around, and it starts a mad scramble as everybody else tries to catch them to steal it. 😂 I'm trying to figure out how to set up a livestream so my parents can watch them from their home. I'm also scrambling myself, trying to finish the coop and run before they outgrow the indoor enclosure.

My golden retriever is a perfect angel with them and loves to sit and watch them play. It's hard to believe he's only a year old, we just can't get over how unbelievably good he is for his age. Idk if all goldens are magic angels or if we just got crazy lucky.

My 16yo is still not interested in taking the permit test or driving. He's got my sense of caution, so I'm not really surprised. I can't believe he'll be a junior this year! And he's dating, he and his partner have been together for a few months, and they're so very good to each other. It's so lovely to see him in love, cherishing someone and being cherished.

And my husband is almost fully recovered from Lyme! We might have social plans this weekend for the first time in a while. 🎉

So far it's been stressful. I have stupid deadlines this week and the person who would usually help left last week. Worked over the weekend and already know I'm having to work over my hours for the rest of the week to make sure I get everything done in time.

The worst part is that the main paper I'm killing myself writing is something that I know people won't read all of, but if I don't write it then the exec will be pissed off. Wish they realised just how much work goes into these things.

Have a migraine, took my second to last "good" meds that insurance wont pay for. Have to pick up the meds they will payfor that make me loopy tomorrow.

I really should go to bed but I want to finish watching this medicore movie with my spouse when they finish changing into comfy clothes. I enjoy our quiet comfortable companionship.

ive been pretty hungry, another one of those "do i buy food or toilet paper?" weeks. i am gonna make the nastiest stoner food when that paycheck comes in ^_^

Metaphorically grinding my teeth, dealing with an agonizing amount of mental anguish. Gender dysphoria is hitting me like a freight train, and I’m having a hell of a time trying to focus on anything else. Planning on phoning my GP this week if I don’t hear from the specialist they were supposed to refer me to. Failing that, I may have to look at my DiY options, potential health risks be damned.

could be better. I had a panic attack about 2 weeks ago, been feeling on edge ever since. I have moments here and there where it feels like another panic attack is brewing, but luckily it hasn't spiraled out of control like that initial attack.

Eh. Been trying to get more writing done, its going okay, but could be better. Trying not to constantly overthink about evil bastards in political power in my state further attacking trans people like me. Just trying to survive.

I hope OP feels better and that everyone has a nice day for a change.

Mostly ok. Between teetering on flooding the house with a broken water heater, wife being out of town for a few days, and work being short staffed, I feel like I'm mostly handling it well. I'm just so tired. Also stressed about finances with the water heater thing.

I'm just all sorts of wound up--my boyfriend and I are moving in together at a new place on Friday, and I'm just itching to get this process started. Moving sucks as we all know, and I swear I'm just tired of it.

To top it off I'm having to cover for my boss at work until I leave for my move, since they pulled him to another location to help install new equipment that we were a test location for, so work is a chaotic nightmare on top of packing all my stuff up.

Luckily I had enough PTO saved up to take off a full week to do this, so I don't have to panic about getting it all done in one or two days like I have in the past.

It feels like I’m the rope in tug-of-war between my current career and my ambitions to become a physician.

There’s the long term decision and the current reality of trying to passably perform in both work and my organic chemistry class.

Is increasing trans representation in healthcare really a worthwhile personal pursuit with climate calamity on the horizon? Would it be better to channel my energy into mutual aid, community organizing, and foster care?

I wish I had an academic mentor (or any mentor) to talk to about it. Yeah, I’m a real adult now and therapy is a thing but 🤷‍♂️

I've been trying to ditch my shitty cafe job for a less shitty cafe job somewhere else. And my current job wants to promote me to shift lead (even though they know I'm applying to various places). But in any case, I live in an at-will state, so I really don't have any requirement to stay on if they promote me, and if I do get a better job I still intend on giving a notice to my current one.

Outside of that I think I'm doing just okay.

I'm feelin' like I'm getting back into the groove of things 🤠.

My semester before last was dreadful for Reasons™, and my previous semester in college was really bumpy for its own: another thorough round of self-exploration on my own and with my psychologist, trying to secure accommodations in college from here on out, and a full load for me academically. I have no regrets with my self-exploration, and I know both that and pursuing accommodations are things I'll appreciate in the long term. Prioritizing those things, however, rocked the boat that was my grades for the semester. Dropped out of one class and flunked another.

But when I reviewed my transcripts and the degree requirements, it looks like I really didn't need that class I dropped, nor the class branch it preceded. I skirted by with a passing grade in another class that also appears to cover my bases for the class I failed. That's all to say that academically speaking, I'm pretty sure things will work out.

I basically ended up being a gremlin for like a month after all of that to mentally reset. Took a vacation to LA and San Diego for a week after that. 'Still planning to take it easy this Summer relatively speaking, but I'm feeling mighty refreshed after taking that time.