Btw, bigotry does not need to be conscious or intentional or malicious to be real and cause harm, and you can be transphobic even when you're not trying to or believe you're are not
this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2023
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It really depends on context.
If it really wasn't intentional, is it fault of the person speaking? Or is more of an issue of the environment it is living in?
Transphobia is transphobia. Malicious transphobia is obviously worse, but unintentional one, created by biases that person internalized by living in transphobic society, is still transphobia. Doesn't make you a bad person automatically, but being called out should act as an encouragement to reflect on these biases, not double down and go "I'm actually not transphobic, and it's you ~~trann~~ trans people who are too sensitive"
Absolutely, but the call out or response must be done appropriately without putting the other person in the defensive. This is true for any type of discussion.
I am cis an not know anyone that isn't. This means that everything I know about the community is via internet or television, and you know that can escalate, how information can start conflicting or just downright provide false dangerous information.
Writing this response, I actually found out I have a sensitivity bias due to all those Twitter posts screenshots about people getting very mad at others for something written. This is not good, because I do always think about what I write online but in this argument I am thinking more than I do usually. Thanks for making me notice it, I don't want this. I probably just need to talk more about this topic.
That's the thing, you recognize that it's not nice being addressed the way you don't want to. You don't want to be called out the way you don't want to, use this feeling to understand how it's not nice to be referred to in transphobic manner.
Of course, I do not put a single gram of doubt into that.
I wanted to come out with something I noticed I did wrong, despite me not having to because I want to always get to a better version of myself and it being on topic.
Yeah, some of the best allies I've ever had also had their unintentionally transphobic moments. When I first came out, there was an old woman I worked with who referred to me as "The queer". She'd also ask if I needed to go to the restroom anytime she went because she knew I was terrified to go in the women's bathroom alone. She'd chew people out on my behalf for being even slightly disrespectful. Even if I had the courage to do it (I didn't) I wouldn't have been able to advocate for myself like I needed to because I'm a trans woman. It's like how sometimes you gotta find a man to say something to another man so that they'll actually listen.
I spoke to her about it, she said she understood the discomfort and she'd just been using it as a term for so long that she didn't see it as an insult. She never stopped calling me that although the frequency did go down. She never said "Well I do all this for you as a friend, why are you even mentioning this?". She saw that she was unintentionally making her friend uncomfortable and wanted to do better. She still slipped up sometimes afterwards, and that was perfectly fine with me.
That's the difference between an ally that isn't perfect and someone who uses allyship to boost their ego