Writing

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A specific community for original shortform and longform writing, stories, worldbuilding, and other stuff of that nature.

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Short Story -- From the Heart (self.writing)

submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by branflakes1413 to c/writing

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Hello,

As the title says this is a short story that I have been slowly working on for a few years. I've stopped and come back to it many, many times. But I think it's time for it to be shared again or else it won't (and I won't!) get any better.

So, please, I invite you to tear it apart. Any feedback would be welcome. I'm not sure how it works, since I'm still new here, but if you'd prefer to send a DM instead of leaving a comment you may do so!

Edit: Sorry for the formatting. It was too big for a single post or comment so I had to split it into 4 parts. It should all be chained together within the first comment. (Sort comments by Old)

Synopsis:

{This is a standalone piece.}

A mysterious love letter leads a man on a road to self-discovery.

#writing #shortstory #fiction

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[–] DemBones@vlemmy.net 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Eh. The story is fine, but it kinda takes too long to get to the point and doesn't describe it efficiently. It could have gone more in depth in much less space.
Also, years you say!? Not to sound harsh, but that's way too long for such a short story, even if writing it on the side. You should focus on one thing at a time and finish it quick.

[–] branflakes1413 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Could you go into a bit more detail about what specifically doesn’t work? I want to take notes and see what I can do to make it better.

Haha, yes years. As in it started as a micro-story assignment in college. It sat on my google drive for 4 years so I decided to flesh it out. It’s not necessarily something I normally like to write. But for some reason I just can’t stop nudging it, come back to it to edit or add/remove every so often. It’s not a constant 4 years of working on one small short story! That’s nuts lol.