hey beehaw team :) this is partly advice seeking and partly just wanting to share my experience and hopefully hear how others feel about he topic. i’m not sure if this is the right community for this either, but hopefully it is!

i’m a cis woman who’s always been a fair bit interested in both femininity and androgyny for my hair and clothing, but lately i’ve been feeling more of a pull than usual to present in a more masculine/butch leaning way. to the point where i’m even considering trying out binding, which i’ve never really thought about before.

i’m a bit conflicted though about all of this, because i do know i have some internalized misogyny regarding femininity being inferior to masculinity. i’m having difficulty telling if i’d like to present more masc because i think femininity is stupid/not cool, or if it’s something i actually want.

does anyone have any advice/thoughts to share about this? i don’t really have anyone irl i can talk to about this, so any input would be really appreciated <3

to be clear, i am not questioning my gender here. i like and use she/her pronouns and am not interested in any others.

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[–] elfpie 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm trying hard to choose the right words to respect your position on the subject. If I end up offending you let me know.

I just wanted to comment about you saying you're not questioning your gender here. The way I see it, you might be, although not in the way I think you mean.

You are a woman. You define your gender by the way you choose to live your life. When you use terms like masculinity and femininity, the definition comes from the society. I see you questioning the gender by your actions, by trying to deconstruct your conceptions.

I've heard a lot that there isn't only one right way to be trans. There isn't only one right way to be cis either. Question yourself, don't judge yourself too harshly, and find your truth.

I know this wasn't what you wanted, but I thought I should say anyway.

[–] thumbtack 7 points 1 year ago

i appreciate this comment <3 i think i tend to see some GNC erasure in lgbt spaces sometimes, where people will assume that a masc woman or fem man are trans/nb because of their presentation, and i feel really negatively about that. i think that gnc folks are really important, and idk, suggesting they’re probably not cis (which i have seen happen) despite them being happy with their gender simply because they present differently rubs me the wrong way a lot.

part of why i might be pushing back more than i probably should be against the idea of being cis is that idea- if i do come to the conclusion that i’m not cis, i think i’d feel like i’m in a way betraying my fellow women and gnc folks in a way. that’s pretty silly to say out loud, and i’m only kind of just now realizing it, and i know that it’s something to work on, but then i do also just feel like a woman, which is where a lot of the pushback could also be coming from.