Melbourne

I think the specifics of how you raise your kids is less important than whether or not you respect them as individuals that will change, grow and decide their own direction in life. Toxic relationships between parents and children pretty much all boil down to treating the child as if they are subordinate to your own thoughts and feelings. That might be using a child to try to fill gaps in your life (like having children in the expectation that they will provide you with unconditional love), trying to control what they do for work, who they have relationships with etc.

Being responsive to your child's wants and needs and building a relationship based on that will always work far better than envisaging a relationship you want and trying to fit your child into that vision. The same applies to any relationship really - getting to know each other and working to create a mutually satisfying relationship over time takes both work and openness to knowing each other.