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What’s the most disruptive/derailing thing you’ve experienced in a relationship? (self.askbeehaw)

submitted 1 week ago by MonkeyTown to c/askbeehaw

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I have some issues. I ignore most of them and cry when I want to. Is it healthy? Fuck no. But it keeps me going!

Today I’m soliciting feelings because I’m ultra disappointed that the person I thought wanted to shape their life to be with me, to match the shaping I’ve done to accomodate them, really only wants compromise when it’s mine! Super fun! We were looking at building a life and now I get to figure out how to do the big life goal things I want on my own! Super!

So, beehaw, what’s the most painful relationship thing you’ve been through? Bonus points if it totally upended your life plans. Extra bonus if they said they were “doing it for you”.

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[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My wife of 9 years recently left me to move back to her home country after I suggested we purchase a house together. Single and alone at 30 but could be much worse.

[–] MonkeyTown 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I am super sorry to hear that friend. I’m almost 40 and in largely the same boat other than the whole different country thing, so I feel that quite heavily.

At least you have more than enough time to come back from it and whatever.. not that it helps right now of course, nothing does.

-hugs from a stranger-

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thanks. I'm not totally in pain anymore though and looking to buy a condo and enjoy my own company for a while. It's pretty refreshing not dealing with the bullshit that comes along with a relationship and just focus on myself for once.

[–] MonkeyTown 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That’s a super healthy way to look at it, so I’m genuinely happy for you, even if it’s not a totally ideal situation :) Learn how to just exist as yourself, learn what works for you and doesn’t, and approach new things in the future with that refreshed understanding of who you are today

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My grandpa's advice: don't let any lady bring a toothbrush into your house, going forwards lol

[–] MonkeyTown 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Alternate advice given by my farmer grandmother: form as many connections as you like regardless how deep they run, because your social connections are important. But know that everything probably has an expiry date, no matter how well you keep it, like dairy. Give your love freely, take the love given to you freely and without question, and understand that everything is temporary. Even dairy.

Maybe it was just commentary on dairy. Idk.

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago

He was also a farmer haha. Thanks for sharing