@Rodeo interestingly, I'm learning a lot from this interaction. Like about how men normalize day to day misery and disconnection. So I'm very glad that this thread exists; thank you for being honest.
ttpphd
joined 2 years ago
The Will to Change made me feel more seen and understood than anything Warren Farrell ever wrote. It's a must read.
I understand what you mean. I highly recommend the book "Language of Emotions" as a way to identifying and respecting one's emotions.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8048177-the-language-of-emotions
And of course, talking out loud about your emotions with people you trust.
"do you feel like your worth as a man is related to your practical utility?"
Where in your post do you talk about worth and how self-value is gendered?
Why are you acting like we are cavemen?
The topic is about being pressured to feel like a "useful man", which is a central concept of patriarchal masculinity. It's great that you are a responsible person. But you are the one missing the point here.
Human. Reducing humanity to usefulness only makes sense in a dominator model. Domination means extraction of utility from others. Maleness is good not for the reason that men are objects to be used. Maleness is good in itself. Patriarchal masculinity tells the lie that manhood is connected to a man's usefulness, to his capacity to do violence, to fight wars, to take from those who are weaker or lesser.
We should reject models of masculinity that demand maleness be connected with performance. "Masculinity must stand for the for the essential core goodness of the self".
Patriarchal masculinity demands that men perform a gender role. True masculinity celebrates the dignity of humanity without condition.
@Wanderer thanks for sharing your thoughts.