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I had to come out to my father twice because the first time he didn't really seem to get what I meant. I still don't think he gets it, but his attitude towards my gender (came out as trans) is simply "life is short, do what you gotta do". My sister took it very well and was quite excited when I told her.
Coming out is terrifying and can suck real bad sometimes. I wish you the best of luck when you do!
ty for sharing ♥ I hope he eventually understands
Not parents but I just accidentally came out as an NB person (also adult) to my brother yesterday. He had a hard time with me coming out as bi, which confused me, but it's been nearly a decade since then. I told him I wanted to change my name and he was very confused; I mentioned I wanted something gender-neutral, and he asked if I was nonbinary.
I think he was skeptical, and surprised - he'd lived with me since I was a child, surely if I wasn't cis, he would've known, right? But his partner helped him to approach it with an open mind and to be supportive. Overall, it was way easier and more inconsequential than I thought; at the same time, I'm thrilled to be able to talk about my life authentically, with him and around him, and not worry about every word.
If you want my advice on difficult conversations like this? If it's safe, do it during a long car ride. It's a situation where the other person really has to sit with what you're saying and work through it. Obviously it can cut both ways - they're stuck with you, but you're also stuck with them - but in my experience, it's been great.
Coming out to your parents is so challenging, regardless of whether you think they'll be supportive. My folks were both very unsupportive, and I've come out to them twice now (gay, then trans) neither time going well.
Both times I was glad I did it, because at least they knew where I was at. I ended up going no-contact with them for a few years before they had some serious health scares that made me have a relationship again. They're in complete denial about it and misgender me, which i don't enjoy, but I know they know better at least?
I think I may have just trauma dumped instead of actually offering any helpful advice, but my overarching point is that regardless of how it goes you'll probably feel better knowing that the truth is out there. Feeling like you're in two realities is so disorienting.
Trauma dumping is totally fine here. I think you are right about the struggles with living in two realities and just wanting the truth to be out there. I'm sorry that your parents have been completely un-supportive. Believe it or not this was helpful. Thank you for sharing ♥
One cannot chose the family they’re born into. Some folks will be understanding and maybe even helpful, others won’t. Coming out is a very big thing which should be shared with the family, if possible of course. Living two lives is just so draining.
I did live two lives for a while and it got so annoying to not be able to tell friends and family where I went and who I met. My close family members were kinda supporting. In the long run, the ones I thought would act negative were more helpful than the others. So… you never know the outcome. Just remember that you had a lot of time to think about it while they get the news in that moment. They might need time to digest it as well – days, months, maybe years.
Excellent point about them needing time to digest. I am definitely going to do my best to remember that. I would not want to be judged by my most immediate reactions to some things as well.
Yeah, it’s good to remember that. First reactions is one thing, but what counts is the long run.
In my personal experience, the worst thing that could happen is to receive a no from someone you're already expecting to say no. My father was this sort of Mexican stereotype of a macho man and for years I kept my preferences a secret from him, thinking the worse could happen. Everything turned out well. He found out by accident after a sibling tried to assault me (a story for another day I guess), and he just let me know that it was fine for him. He said, and I quote "Son, I've gone through an infinite amount of stuff in life. This won't surprise me nor make me love you less than I already do. You do you, and that's fine to me."
That being said, everything can happen. Give it a chance, and remember that family is the one that has your loyalty. It will be hard at the beginning if things don't turn out right, but there'll always be someone who cares for you and loves you. I presume, that is, what a true family looks like. You're very brave and it takes lots of courage to come out with someone so beloved as parents are. I wish you the best of lucks!
i don’t have any advice, seeing as i’m not out to my parents either, but i just want to say good luck <3 that’s a scary and courageous thing to do friend. i hope all goes well :)
i hope it goes all right for you <3. my parents reacted very harshly both times i came out (first as bi, then as trans.) but im lucky to have 3 very supportive siblings who won't let them talk shit.
I wish you the best of luck coming out to your parents.
I didn't get to come out as gay to my parents on my own terms, as they learned about my sexuality through rumor. They have been nothing but supportive thankfully. However I regret not having the courage to come out to them earlier. I think your parents will appreciate you having this conversation with them now. It is better they hear your version about who you are, than some neighbors version of what they heard about your sexuality.