Asklemmy

I am still this way a bit. Really it boils down to perspective.

For me I broke it down like this

1. You get angry about losing because it makes you feel incompetent

2. I am allowed to enjoy things casually, I don't have to excel. I can excel at things that actually matter and have real world consequences, like work

3. There are a million factors that can feed into a loss; luck being one of them

For me it was a shift in perspective. It sounds trite, but basically, I turned "having fun" in to the thing I'm trying to win. So I still optimise and strategise, but sometimes it's to make ridiculous moves that will make people laugh. Sometimes it's to keep the game close, and sometimes it's just to try and win. It all depends on who I'm playing with and the mood at the table

This is a worthwhile struggle. Realizing you want to change your perspective is a great start.

Reframe your goals. Is the game about winning or is it about having fun with your friends? Almost always the real goal is the latter, but our lizard brains don’t always realize this. Sometimes this may mean you choose to play differently because your goal is to maximize fun rather than win rate. And that way if you do lose you don’t feel bad because you still had a good time.

Losing gives you a chance to practice being happy for someone else. Remember board games especially are an excuse for you and a bunch of people you like to sit at a table and do something fun. If you can't find joy in simply playing a game, just take a moment to appreciate the joy and excitement of the people around you.

My partner also doesn't like losing, and so we bought a few cooperative games instead. Now we both have a great time regardless, as we both win or lose together. Aeon's End and Spirit Island are two games which we play which we particularly enjoy!

I just stopped competing. I'm not a good loser or winner haha. I really like cooperative games.

I just lost the game. And now you have.

If it won't bother you in six months, its not worth getting bothered about.

Two approaches. Mixed success with both.

1. Choose games that don't make you feel bad. This can mean playing more cooperative games, or it can mean offering to referee or sit out games you know will just piss you off. For me, the chance of winning isn't appealing enough to outweigh the chance of ruining the game for someone else. It helps to identify what exactly it is about losing that makes you so sour. I have a hard time with games like Cards Against Humanity because the card combinations that are funny to me usually aren't funny to anyone else because they didn't go on the ADHD field trip with me to make those connections. It starts to feel like a popularity contest that I'm losing because my brain is wired wrong, and it's hard not to take that personally.

2. Set different goals in the games you're playing, and define 'winning' for yourself based on those goals. I used to get annoyed every time my friends pulled out settlers of Catan. I would do what made sense to me each turn, but I'd always lose anyway either to random chance or just not having enough RAM in my brain. Even on the rare occasions I won I often wouldn't have fun with it because I spent so much of the game being frustrated. So I decided the only thing I cared about in the game was getting one of the bonus goals, usually 'longest road'. That was much easier to focus on, and it took all the pressure off me to win. After a while it became kind of a running joke.

It's not perfect, and it doesn't happen in a vacuum either. Sore losers often have anger issues they're not dealing with (I know I did!) and figuring that stuff out will help in more areas of your life than just board games.

Your mileage may vary.

Good luck!

• Think of the flip side: if you're always winning, you're never being challenged. You might as well be playing against children, the outcome would be the same. It's only when you're losing that you can learn something and get better.
• I recommend trying new strategies that you're not sure about, probably guarantee yourself to lose, but try to understand why and whether there is anything useful to incorporate into a different strategy.
• Don't let yourself go into "try-hard" mode until you're sure you can handle a loss like an adult, that's the real win. Until then, force yourself to lose repeatedly to get used to it.
• When a game starts, assume you've already either won or lost based on your current skill level and the luck you'll have during the game, and focus instead on learning something new that will help you to win the next match.
• Lastly, be happy for your opponent just like you would be happy for a friend having good fortune.

These are all skills I had to develop to combat ladder anxiety in SC2, or being sunk in SoT. In SC2, there would be stretches where I would win 10 in a row and feel like I wasted my time because I didn't learn anything. What good is winning 10 times just because my opponents blundered? Not like I have anything to be proud of or to use to win future matches.

"I never lose, I either win or learn." - Nelson Mandela

Mainly just emotionally growing up along with developing a general self-awareness that being a sore loser makes you look pathetic.

I used to get way too mad playing online fighting games like Street Fighter 4, but thankfully I got over it by realizing a few things:

1. I wouldn't dream of reacting that way to losing in person, because I know that it's an embarrassing way for a grown ass man or woman to react to losing a game. It's fine to play games competitively and anyone who does knows that it can be frustrating to lose. But you only end up losing twice if you make yourself look like a petty little shithead. I'm guessing you're playing online games, but just ask yourself if you would act the same way in an offline setting--most people wouldn't, so you probably shouldn't.

2. You're probably losing because you're doing a bad job, and lashing out at yourself, your opponent or your teammates robs you of any chance to learn or improve.

I'm mostly a fan of fighting games and solo RTS, but I've played my fair share of CS, Apex and other team-based games. Solo games are simple. If you're playing a fighting game and you're getting hit by stupid annoying shit, it's your fault for hitting buttons at the wrong time, for being on your back foot or not knowing how to block, plain and simple. If you're playing an RTS and you get cheesed with a canon rush or some gimmicky shit, that's also something that you need to be able to deal with.

If you're playing a team game you might be tempted to flame your teammates for losing a match, but you either need to play with people who have the same level of skill and dedication as you, become good enough alone to carry a team of randoms, or simply care less about winning and focus on your own individual performance. Don't waste your time and energy being a dick to your teammates whether you think they're bad or not, if you're not playing on an established team then you don't really have any business taking that game super seriously and it reflects more badly on you than being good at a game. If you're playing with random people, expect random results.

1. If you care about actually being good, then long-time improvement is much more important than short-term wins and losses. Nobody can win every time and just because you lose once doesn't mean you're bad. Conversely, it's just as easy to get a fraudulent win off of a fluke or bad play from your opponent(s). So, if you really want to be good at a game you have to have other, better metrics for how well you're actually playing.

If I'm playing Street Fighter for example, instead of focusing on individual wins and loses in a single play session, I'd much rather focus on improving some aspect of my gameplay that I know is weak. Maybe I don't hit my anti-airs enough, so I want to focus on punishing jumps as much as possible. Maybe I'm not taking advantage of opening my opponent up enough, so I want to focus on consistently hitting bigger combos. I find that setting a goal for myself other than "just win as much as possible", helps me to keep my head in the right place while actually improving as a player.

So, TLDR: If you wouldn't act like a little bitch about losing in person, then you shouldn't do it at home either because it's a bad look and you're making yourself a bigger loser for no reason. If you lash out at your opponent or teammates for losing instead of reflecting on your own performance, then you're just doing yourself a disservice when it comes to getting better. And finally, winning and losing doesn't mean shit compared to actually making sure you're playing well, so change your metrics for success to things that you know are more meaningful.

Ask yourself: what can I learn from this?

Try to stop seeing a loss as a loss. Try to see a loss as lessons, instead

I looked at losses as an opportunity to improve. I'll review the game, find my mistakes, and learn how to avoid them in the future. So when I lost at Crazy 8s I'd study. Just joking! I honestly don't care about Crazy 8s that much to study my losses. What am I trying to go pro??

I eventually realized that this applied to every game. I'm not going to be a pro chess player. I'm not going to be a pro bowler. I don't care that much to put the time and effort into studying and training the intricacies of Counter Strike. I'm just trying to have fun! That's when losing stopped bothering me so much.

Git good, don't loose /s

Stop online multiplayer. They are designed to keep you in the rage loop. After a while you notice how bad they were for your health. Look for good coop games and learn basics about stoicism.

You either win or you learn.

If things don't go your way this time, you have an opportunity to look over what went wrong and what you can fix for next time.

Then come back for round 2.

This works in both serious and casual situations. Even in casual situations, opponents often appreciate a player who can adapt.

Two approaches. Mixed success with both.

1. Choose games that don't make you feel bad. This can mean playing more cooperative games, or it can mean offering to referee or sit out games you know will just piss you off. For me, the chance of winning isn't appealing enough to outweigh the chance of ruining the game for someone else. It helps to identify what exactly it is about losing that makes you so sour. I have a hard time with games like Cards Against Humanity because the card combinations that are funny to me usually aren't funny to anyone else because they didn't go on the ADHD field trip with to make those connections. It starts to feel like a popularity contest that I'm losing because my brain is wired wrong, and it's hard not to take that personally.

2. Set different goals in the games you're playing, and define 'winning' for yourself based on those goals. I used to get annoyed every time my friends pulled out settlers of Catan. I would do what made sense to me each turn, but I'd always lose anyway either to random chance or just not having enough RAM in my brain. Even on the rare occasions I won I often wouldn't have fun with it because I spent so much of the game being frustrated. So I decided the only thing I cared about in the game was getting one of the bonus goals, usually 'longest road'. That was much easier to focus on, and it took all the pressure off me to win. After a while it became kind of a running joke.

It's not perfect, and it doesn't happen in a vacuum either. Sore losers often have anger issues they're not dealing with (I know I did!) and figuring that stuff out will help in more areas of your life than just board games.

Your mileage may vary.

Good luck!

I remembered how I feel about sore losers. I look down on them as immature, lame, and petty. I decided that I didn’t want to be seen that way.

Keep two things at mind:

• If you keep winning, victory will loose meaningless. Achieving a Victory is much more rewarding after a few defeats
• It's a game, focus on having fun more than winning. You mentioned board games, if you see that you won't really stand much of a chance of victory, why not try that weird strategy you saw online? My last chess match ended up in a complete laughing room after I tried the intercontinental ballistic queen I saw on youtube and somehow ended up loosing both my towers in the process

Also, take a defeat as a way to improve. If you lost, something made you loose, take it as a challenge to improve it

At times I am a sore loser, it’s not that I care if I won or lost a game. What used to upset me was getting to a point in a game where you feel losing in inevitable and no decisions you can make will allow you to win. Yet, the game is not over it might have 30 minutes left.

One thing to try is play different games. Monopoly is probably one of the worst games for this you can spend 2 hours slowly losing all your properties, just don’t play it. Personally I like games like ticket to ride, where a large part of the final score is hidden. Because you don’t know exactly where you stand the game it makes it easier to believe you have a path to victory, or at least not last place.

You winning a board game doesn't show your worth.

Cry in agony while doing your best at losing the game, make your partner laugh. Noooooo, buries head in hands!

Shift your frame of reference from caring about losing to caring about improving. If you care about improving, both losing and winning are data points to further help you improve, and then suddenly there's no negative result. It's simple but making that shift was a really healthy change in perspective imo