I think a lot of the stigma comes from terfs* and attempts from the alt-right to sow division to divide and conquer. Terfs often present themselves as lesbians and are extremely vocal about how only cis women are lesbian, trans women aren't women, etc. Then you have other aspects of the alt-right who talk about how trans women aren't real women and real lesbians will know the difference. The result is that it looks like there are more people with these beliefs than there actually are (the alt-right is very, very good at harnessing social media to make themselves seem louder than they actually are).

I know this isn't the case, I consciously am aware that the vast majority of lesbians are supportive of trans people. I know a number of people who are lesbian and are very much supportive of the trans community. And yet, this belief has been so deeply sown that I still find myself questioning whether someone is a real ally or not. I hate that.

* Fuck letting terfs rebrand as "gender critical". I believe people can be critical towards the concept of gender and believe we should be moving away from associating behavior and personality traits with someone's sex, while still being supportive of trans and non-binary folks.

[–] borzoiteeth@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I 100% believe it's because the terfs feel super empowered right now because they have a popular and rich children's author on their side. Sometimes it doesn't matter how small the group is when they have all the money to tweak the laws as they see fit.

Since very few people are educated in seeing that, it continues this terrible cycle of fear and assumption.

[–] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I agree. As a newly realized member of this community this stuff is very difficult and disheartening for me. It makes me afraid to pursue finding a more authentic self, because, what if I end up more alone? I already have a very lonely life, and can't imagine becoming more unlovable.

[–] Zummy 9 points 1 year ago

Seek out others in the community, we are all here for you!! :)

While I also can't say this as a 100% guarantee, it's a pretty common story for those seeking their more authentic self to become happier and that usually helps them find and maintain some social ties easier! It's amazing how much more comfortable and confident you can be when you're really you, and other people love being around someone like that! (This was the case for myself and like 5 other people I know out of my rather already small friend group)

I hope you find somewhere where you can put those anxieties to rest for a bit <3

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[–] spaduf@slrpnk.net 30 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Lesbians are consistently the demographic most likely to be supportive of trans folks. From the article:

Lesbians are the most likely to say they know a trans person (92%), and also the most likely to say they are “supportive” or “very supportive” of trans people (96%). That’s compared to 89% of LGBTQ+ people overall, and just 69% of non-LGBTQ+ people.

[–] MonsterHighStan@kbin.social 14 points 1 year ago (3 children)

What was the demographic of the study? Honestly that 69% of non LGBTQ+ people is surprisingly high imo

[–] gk99 19 points 1 year ago

The crazy far-right people are a minority, they're just very loud and obnoxious. Normal people don't care about stuff that doesn't affect them or anyone else.

[–] Kwakigra 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I recently went on a trans rights march in a large city in the South through an area heavily trafficked by tourists mainly from the South. We got only demonstrations of support and they were pretty regular. If there were people around who were against us they felt like they didn't want to manifest that objection around the openly supportive people surrounding them. We did get an objection from a very passionate person when it was suggested someone on city council wasn't living up to their promises, but his objection was not against trans rights.

[–] MonsterHighStan@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

That's amazing to hear

[–] idiomaddict@feddit.de 7 points 1 year ago

They only asked people with Swedish stuffed animals

[–] IvyRaven@midwest.social 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Personal experiences will always vary too. I'm sadly a non-passing trans woman who identifies as a lesbian. Saying it's been impossible to find someone who would want to be with me is... putting it nicely. Some of that struggle is not tied into being trans, but my trans-ness is the thing they will interact with first and it has always meant they pass. But again this is just my own experience.

[–] MonsterHighStan@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I know it's incredibly disheartening, I just want to let you know that there's someone out there for you 🧡

[–] IvyRaven@midwest.social 3 points 1 year ago

At this point I've had to give up on love. Sure it'd be great but I'm a realist. At least I'm not an incel lol No one owes me a relationship.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Now, this isn't a "gotcha" or intended to be snarky, I really am curious: Would you date another non-passing trans lesbian?

[–] IvyRaven@midwest.social 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm not really sure. It'd depend on their personality and such since I have no sexual attraction to penis which means sex is a no. Which is the same issue that a cis lesbian is going to have and I am understanding of that. Other elements impact it that have nothing to do with a person trans status or lack of.

I'm not saying all cis lesbians are out there shitting on trans women. It's honestly likely a minority. But they are going to seek out a partner that matches their personal criteria and I'm understanding of that.

[–] delawen@floss.social 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

@IvyRaven @Kolanaki
I have no idea how far you are on the transition and how far you want to/can go. But if you feel inadequate, know that there are plenty of sapphic women out there that won't mind your passing.

If you truly have a hard time, maybe the bisexual community will be more welcoming for you? Not that they will see you as a man, but that they are used to be attracted to more masculine features, no need to be perfect passing (as if that existed) to get our interest.

[–] IvyRaven@midwest.social 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Appreciate that. I should try to get back out there but it's a hurdle I can't get past. My transition has stalled out due to a bunch of physical and mental health issues. And as a jobless shut in it's basically impossible to address those issues where I live. I've got a lot of good qualities but yeah the bad feel like no one could deal with. But that's just my opinion.

[–] apis 1 points 1 year ago

Can't give particularly relevant insight, as a cis-seeming biromantic who was asexual until recently, but in my experience, people aren't nearly as rigid in their sexuality, romanticity or gender as society would have us believe. It seems many use specific terms as shorthand descriptors for themselves, but are surprisingly open to broader ways of being.

Verging on elderly now, so lived through the time when very little of this was stuff most of us could name, still less go into detail about, and I don't mean to suggest that it is anything but hard for anyone who falls outside the bellcurve(s), but there will be people out there for you whom you also find attractive.

Wishing you all the best with your health, and with your return to your transition. Hold on to that sense that you have a lot of good qualities.

[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 24 points 1 year ago

They will always try to put minorities against each other.

[–] indigojasper@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago

So much of a trope it even showed up in Sense8.

[–] sculd 5 points 1 year ago

Can confirm that lesbians are generally friendly to transgender people. I know at least one lesbian friend who dated pre-ops transwoman. Not sure if I can do the same but I have no problem being friends with transwomen.