Any chance you are autistic? I ask because, along with confusion about social constructs, we also tend to show confusion about gender constructs.
this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
33 points (100.0% liked)
LGBTQ+
6199 readers
1 users here now
All forms of queer news and culture. Nonsectarian and non-exclusionary.
See also this community's sister subs Feminism, Neurodivergence, Disability, and POC
Beehaw currently maintains an LGBTQ+ resource wiki, which is up to date as of July 10, 2023.
This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Yes I am!
High five.
Figuring out gender is hard. Picking a specific label isn't the most important thing, it's fine to use umbrella terms like "questioning", "queer", "gender nonconforming", or "non-binary" while you figure it out (or even as a permanent label if you don't feel a need to describe your gender specifically).
I would recommend the book My Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein, I found the exercises in it to be very helpful for examining how I felt about my gender.
I'll try check it out. Can you resend the image tho? I think I'll stick with demiboy for now
This should work
Thank you!, wait nb people are trans?
@sleepybisexual @the_artic_one Some are, some aren't. It honestly varies from person to person and how they conceptualize being NB (since it's a fairly large category that often intersects with other gender/sexuality concepts and identities).
That's more of a semantic disagreement with how you define "trans". If you use the definition "anyone who identifies with a gender other than the one assigned at birth" then all non-binary people are trans.
Not all nonbinary people identify as a gender other than the one they were assigned, though. Some identify with their AGAB, but in a way that's outside the binary.
IMO that's not the gender they were assigned at birth which is strictly binary in Western society but people use all kinds of different definitions for words.
No, I mean it depends on how each nonbinary person see it.
For some people the base gender is the same, or their gender is related/derived from the binary gender they were assigned. These people may not consider themselves trans, but rather cis or any other gender modality.
There's no "IMO that's not the gender they were assigned at birth" when many non-binary people do, in fact, feel they still relate to their AGAB or that their gender and their AGAB are the same or similar.
Just because you define a label one way does not mean that other people have to accept or adopt your label. If a non-binary person doesn't want to identify as trans, do not force that label on them.
Also this statement is coming from a very western perspective. There are more than two genders in the world and there are civilizations which recognize and support genders outside the binary. Some people are not assigned gender at birth in the society they were born in, and in some civilizations their gender does match what was assigned to them by society and that identity is neither male nor female, but something else.
Just because you define a label one way does not mean that other people have to accept or adopt your label. If a non-binary person doesn’t want to identify as trans, do not force that label on them.
Yes, that's why I said "**if ** you use the definition...".
Also this statement is coming from a very western perspective
Yes it is, that's why I clarified the definition the chart was using.
so like presentation does not equal gender or whatevs, but like trying new stuff out can help you understand yourself and what you really want! trying new clothes or makeup, different pronouns. see what sticks. being trans/nb is a pretty wide range of experiences, and its ok if yrs don't match up to others
It feles like I'm faking it like I don't feel nonbinary enough
I don't think I've ever met a single non-binary or trans individual who didn't have impostor syndrome about themselves at some point in their life. If at any point you do not feel binary, you are completely valid to be nonbinary. We don't give out membership cards and we don't test to make sure you're 'nonbinary enough'.
like looking at some of yr other responses in this thread it seems like yr feeling dysphoric? like thats not something that cis people really do.
His am I being dysphoric? I believe you but how?
oh, elsewhere in this thread you said "Not a fan of my body it feels too manly". like thats just describing dysphoria. like gender dysphoria could be described as a sense of discomfort with how, for example, your body looks or is percieved or gendered by others.
So I really am nonbinary? This feeling started a few months after leaving the toxic masculinity cult
I felt like this issue would better be discussed between you and your psychiatrist.
Sometimes there is only so much information you can pass on the internet, it would be very difficult for internet strangers to find out what is really going on.
And yes, it is possible you are non-binary.
one thing that helped me (and still does) is ignoring labels and thinking about what you want to do. like, what pronouns do you want, how do you want to dress, what do you want to be called. i found it easier to think about that and instead using that as a guide to finding a label that fits (or skipping the label entirely)
Sometimes folks benefit from getting down to basics. How is your physical form working for you? Are you at odds with treatment by others re perceived gender?
Not a fan of my body it feels too manly
If you had to assign adjectives to your gender, which would those be?
They do not have to be gender qualities (masculine, feminine, etc)
Demiboy, other part is either nb or girl
No, I don't mean which labels you use, but rather what adjectives do you associate with your gender.
You say you're confused about your gender, what part confuses you?
I know I'm part not but idk what the other part is
You don't need to label the other part if you aren't sure what is it.
But if you really want to, do you think the second part of your gender could be both girl and NB? Something in-between the two? A girl in a non-binary way? An enby in a girl way?
Have you taken a look at labels like nymgirl, juxera, quella, etc that express a nonbinaryness that is also (in) directly related to girlness?
Haven't seen this other label. The other part is a mix of envy and girl I think
Then, I'll suggest taking a look at labels like xirl or girlby/engirl, that express all possible intersections between been a girl and been non binary. Maybe they could work for the other part of your gender.
Thank you, I'll look into them :3
i am agender but still have gender and i don't know either hope ya figure things out
Thank you uwu
I think the confusion is a feature and not a bug 😅 I'm some flavor of enby or trans but I'll be damned if I can figure out what, and I'm in my 40's so I've had time to think about this stuff. Doesn't really bother me though; I am what I am even if I'm not sure what that is, heh.
My running joke is that my gender is three raccoons in a trench coat
Do you want to conform to any gender? If so, why?
What do you think makes one non-binary?
I mean I don't really want to conform to any gender. I mostly present masc but ifmd rather be more androgynous idk what makes people nb