this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2023
27 points (100.0% liked)

Asklemmy

1454 readers
58 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Pretty much the title - I met a girl on Hinge, we decided to go grab a drink, then one thing left to another and we ended up sleeping together.

Now, the girl mentioned that she would have to see the doc if I went down on her. But I was drunk and didn't pay much attention.

When I mentioned it was also something she wanted, she agreed to take half, but also, that I have to pay her cab expenses home.

Would you or would you not feel like this person is an escort? It feels so strange being asked to pay after having sex. Or am i the only one?

top 16 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] MrBubbles96@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Paying for the sex? If she isn't an escort or if money wasn't discussed at all, she's not getting paid jack.

Paying for the taxi ride home is another story and is probably not gonna break the bank.

[–] AttackBunny@kbin.social 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm genuinely curious, and I'm not trying to start an argument, but why do you think that OP should pay for the cab ride home? I'm going to assume the woman was not an escort, that she went to OP's place of her own accord, and was a willing participant. So my questions is why is it seen as the "right thing to do" to give her money to get home?

I ask this as a woman, who would never assume that I didn't need to figure my own shit out, after a night of partying, because it's my responsibility. I get it is probably the nice thing to do, maybe, but even then, she theoretically had fun too.

@MrBubbles96

@Kujo_D2407

[–] MrBubbles96@lemmy.ml 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh, no, I didn't mean it as it's something that has to be done, tho rereading my comment i can see where that's implied, I meant it more as:

Paying for the cab fare does not suddenly make the person you slept with a prostitute (that's what i got from OP's comment. That as soon as money was added into the equation, he's suddenly with an escort), hence "that's another story".

It isn't a must on your part to cough up cash for the other person at all, but I dunno, I feel like the least you can do is offer to pitch in if it's not gonna inconvenience you and she's not being rude about shit (in this case, it's hard to tell for me if she was); but that's a me thing. When you're raised to offer your help when you can and you lived in the not-so-nice parts of town most of your life...yeah, I tend to ask anyone that's with me if they can make it home alright and offer to help somehow if I'm able to. I understand if people can't or don't wanna do the same, tho admittedly, I sometimes forget that it's not like, the standard response, you get me?

[–] AttackBunny@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago

Fair. Thank you for the answer.

[–] Metaright@kbin.social 21 points 1 year ago

Paying for her cab fare home sounds reasonably polite.

[–] AttackBunny@kbin.social 21 points 1 year ago

Paying for sex is negotiated ahead of time. Always.

If I had some fun with a random dude, and he asked me for money after (without any discussion beforehand), I'd laugh in his face. Largely because, um what, but also because that's not my thing.

[–] Jacksachatter@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 1 year ago

Paying for cab expense sounds reasonable. Is there more to this story op?

[–] lonke@feddit.nu 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Yeah, pay her. After you pay me for leaving this comment.

Or just charge her for a bunch of stuff you did that night and say you've already payed.

Or say you charge the same fee. Or a greater one and she needs to pay up.

[–] ninjan@lemmy.mildgrim.com 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If you went down on her? And see the doc? Was she in the porn industry perhaps and thus required to get tested after unprotected sex (which technically getting head from someone is and it can transmit stuff like herpes)? That's the only explanation I can come up with and if so then you could've asked if she'd need to see the doc if you had sex without going down on her, or used a "condom blanket". Still I'd see that as a business expense on her side and not something you should pay.

[–] deathbird@mander.xyz 3 points 1 year ago

Also gonorrhea, syphilis, or chlamydia (and other NGUs).

I'd be praying he doesn't alter the deal any further.

[–] deathbird@mander.xyz 7 points 1 year ago

I wouldn't assume it's a solicitation for payment for sex, but it's strange to ask someone you just met to cover your medical expenses. I mean, presumably you'll need the same testing she will. I assume anyone who actually sells sex will try to frankly negotiate payment up front.

My guess is...it was maybe an indirect way of asking you to slow down. Or she's could be on a tight budget and also horny AND knows she's going to have to get down to Planned Parenthood to get tested for the clap after letting some stranger off Hinge eat her out.

People make all kinds of bad decisions when they're horny, and sometimes try to mitigate them in weird ways in the moment. You neve known a guy who started having sex without a condom, then paused to put one on?

Besides that your Post reads very weird and i try to Fully understand it:

If somebody would ask me for money after Sex, i would just laugh and Show them the door...

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago
[–] FinallyDebunked@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I would laugh at her face

She probably doesn't have anyone to turn to, so she’ll put up with whatever you dish out

I'd be like no and GTFO.