The bi-cycle is the (involuntary) switch between being attracted to fem people and masc people. Not all bi folks experience it, but it's fairly common. It's called the bi-cycle because it tends to be cyclical.
this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2023
17 points (100.0% liked)
LGBTQ+
6199 readers
1 users here now
All forms of queer news and culture. Nonsectarian and non-exclusionary.
See also this community's sister subs Feminism, Neurodivergence, Disability, and POC
Beehaw currently maintains an LGBTQ+ resource wiki, which is up to date as of July 10, 2023.
This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
It's a real thing and it's also used as a joke. Not everyone experiences it. Attraction to the different genders can change. For some time attraction might even vanish. It often comes in form of cycles.
It can be really challenging for some, as there is already the misconception that bisexuality is just a phase. So if the cycle is very long, like some months, one might start to question if they are really bisexual because they are currently only attracted to a specific gender.
So using the meme of bicycle is a good way to be aware that it can happen and does not mean one is not bisexual. Just a to bond in the community.
In my opinion, trying to put titles and classifications on yourself can usually do more harm than good, and this is a good example why. For a little while I was scared that I wasnt "really bisexual" cause I slightly preferred feminine to masculine people. Then I realized that I shouldnt think about it too much and get stressed over things we all just made up, so now I just do what I want. It sucks that people use that "just a phase" argument, just let people live their lives.
Although titles and classifications can feel restricting and gatekeep-y, I think it's also important to acknowledge their value when it comes to relating and communicating with other people that might be in the same situation. Even in this post, there are people who have mentioned going through the bi-cycle. It can be a lot less scary and confusing for someone dealing with it if they go online, say "is it normal to flip between what genders you're attracted to?" and then getting a veritable chorus of people saying that it's not only normal, but also has a name.
Of course, then you might also wind up stuck wondering if you really are bisexual because you've never had that experience (which I've also seen and tried to help someone through), so it's definitely a double-edged sword... In the end, gender and sexuality are messy and hardly ever as easy as some crowds want to claim, but that's a realization that I think each individual needs to get to themselves. Trying to force it on others just threatens defensiveness and shutting down communication.
Perfectly stated. Having this new list of identities is extremely useful and helped me out a lot, but of course its gonna have problems. Trying to sort and categorize human beings is always a problem.
Definitely! Humans are a bunch of individuals with one of a nigh-infinite combination of thoughts and experiences, so even if people can come to an agreement on what an abstract term means, there's still a high chance that there is some minor aspect where they have a slightly different understanding on the matter. Admittedly, I don't know for sure what it's like for vampires and Barovian nobility, but I have a feeling it's a similar case ;)
Your attraction changes every now and then. Hate it
Why do you hate it? And I dont understand why some people apparently seem to alternate between what they like?
Personally (m), one reason I used to hate it was because it made me feel uncertain about my sexuality. I used to think something along the lines of am I really into guys, or do I just want to be into them for some reason?. But the biggest thing that bothered me was worrying I was being unauthentic with others. I already felt like I was being inauthentic (implicitly lying to since small degree) to straight people. Once I came out as bi, and I felt more strongly attracted to women for a day or two, I started feeling like I was lying to my gay friends, too.
It no longer bothers me. Probably because I've been in a relationship with a guy, or because I'm used to it, or because I just care less about what others would think about how I identify. Or maybe even because I've met more bi folks.
It's just super annoying. I used to be nearly gay nowI have a slight preference for girls, still like guys tho
Excuse my ignorance but what makes it annoying? And why is it bad that you now have a slight preference for girls?
(I assume you're an expert on this subject judging by your username, or you just like riding bicycles)
Not the person you're responding to, but I'm also bi and experience the bi-cycle.
For me it used to annoy me because any person likes at least some consistency in their life. Especially when I was younger as so many things seemed uncertain then, that don't in the same way now. My sexuality also played on my mind more then as I was figuring out who I was, but the bicycle made that difficult, especially because you hear the narrative of bi not being real.
At some point I just figured... This is my consistency. That things change. People change over time anyway, regardless of sexual orientation. So I just lean into it now.
Before reading the comments here, I was going to say that it's a negative stereotype combined with a lame pun that is pushed by straight and gay people to "prove" that bisexuals are not suitable for long-term relationships as they will eventually lose attraction to their partner's gender and cheat on them with the other gender. I don't stop finding men attractive when I find a woman attractive and vice versa so the bicycle stereotype is not relatable to me. For the people here who genuinely experience a bicycle, how does it interfere with relationships?
I mean, straight people will also notice attractive people out and about, even if they're fully committed. That's not what makes someone cheat. Same for pan/bi people.
Both my partner and I are into any/all genders and both experience the "bi-cycle". It does not change my attraction to my partner, as we are bonded so strongly already (and not just because of whatever gender preference we might have had at that time), plus any person can have masc and/or femme (or neither) qualities to their personality and looks anyway.
But we're both also strongly monogamous. I pour my energy into my partner, regardless of who might catch my eye a bit out in public.
What we personally do is lean into it more, whichever way we're leaning, but we also both enjoy playing with gender and sexuality expression.
What I mean by that is: use different toys in bed, experiment with clothes for ourselves/each other, lean harder into one type of expression for a while... Just go with the flow really and enjoy it for what it is.
Most importantly: We can be open with each other about it.
Thanks for the insight. I'm aware that bisexuals aren't more prone to cheating since I'm bisexual and monogamous myself, but the majority of straight and gay people I talk to have this assumption that all bisexuals experience the bicycle and they avoid bisexual partners for that reason. Physical attraction is the most significant part of sexuality to me (if I'm emotionally but not physically attracted, that person would just be a friend) so the bicycle stereotype of switching attraction between masculine and feminine physiques would imply that I will lose attraction to a partner completely on a scheduled basis. Therefore, I try to challenge the stereotype whenever I see it. But I understand now that the bicycle won't cause problems if the person is most attracted to personality or if the partner's appearance is fluid.
But I understand now that the bicycle won't cause problems if the person is most attracted to personality or if the partner's appearance is fluid.
I don't think it's as set in stone as that, but I understand where you're coming from. Even in straight relationships attraction will ebb and flow, I think that's quite natural for any type of relationship as it progresses and you experience various events in life. Illness, new ideas about looks, aging etc.
I think we need to challenge ourselves a bit on attraction and what it means to us and why. I wouldn't lose attraction to my partner as they age either or if they got severely ill. No one is static neither in looks nor insights.
Admitting that sexuality is mostly based on physical attraction tends to get judged as shallow, but it's true for most people, me included. That doesn't mean personality, values and shared experiences don't play a role. I wouldn't abandon someone for something out of their control like aging or illness, but knowingly changing their appearance for the worse with overeating, bad hygiene or ugly cosmetic surgeries would be a dealbreaker. And I wouldn't stick around with a hot person with a shitty personality.
In general it doesn't interfere with my relationships as it tends to happen more when I notice my flirting interests changing (so either harmless flirting while in a relationship or while single, I'll notice that I'm not at all interested in a certain gender for a few months).