Asklemmy

In November 1988, I traveled to Yugoslavia and met the Medjugorje visionaries who claim that Mary, the mother of Jesus, appears to them.

Updates: Yugoslavia no longer exists. I am now an atheist.

Ate a whole bar of soap in high school. I was in a military school, and it was an initiation/bet in a certain extracurricular group.

At practice one day, they asked if anyone wanted to earn $300. All the hands shot up.Then they asked if anyone wanted to eat soap. All hands drop. Then, they asked if anyone wanted to eat a bar of soap for $300. Me and one other dude raised our hands again. After practice we went back to the dorm of one of the group leaders where they laid out the rules: entry fee is $25. One bar of soap, cut into six pieces. The four smaller pieces are too be eaten in one bite, chewed minimum of ten times, and swallowed. The two bigger pieces had to be bitten in half, chewed, and swallowed. If you got all the soap down, you had to keep it down for 15 minutes. If you get this far, you keep all the entry fees of everyone that's failed before you.

Guy before me taps out halfway through. I finish, and hold it down for the required 15 minutes, as the leaders get more and more agitated. After i win and they give me my money, I'm informed that I've just ruined the party they hold every year after the last major inspection is completed. Turns out, they've been running this scam for years as a way to grift money from younger members to fund their own shenanigans. I'm told that I'm not to return to practice the following day, as I'm not longer a member of the club.

Joined yearbook instead, and bought a lot of pizza for my friends that semester.

physically mailed requests to opt out of binding arbitration agreements

I watched every minute of Francis Ford Coppola's "Megalopolis" in a movie theater.

As a kid, I once killed a fly by squeezing an empty yogurt bottle, propelling the lid of said bottle and squatting the fly on the wall. I did that on purpose and it took some attempts.

I have flown from the Garden State to the Sunshine State in two different countries.

I fell off a short bridge into a ditch, got up, started walking up out of the ditch. Realised I couldn't breathe (winded) and then fell back into the same ditch, unconscious.

Had the most psychedelic dream I've ever had, and woke up to someone tending to my wounds.

Drank breast milk straight from the source as an adult. I highly recommend it if you get the opportunity though.

Injected LSD

Porn, volunteering for modeling for drawings at universitys nude and none nude, acting on stage, playing in a Philharmonic orchestra

I fell out of an aeroplane with no parachute and lived.

Was sweeping the little Cessna out when i stepped back missed the step and went arse over head into the tarmac.

Waaaaay back in college (this was over a decade ago), I wrote a 16-page paper making the argument that there were only four continents, not five, six, or seven as various countries proclaim:

The Cliff Notes:

• North America and South America can be still considered a single continent due to the fact that the Panama Canal doesn't fully bisect the two landmasses. (The Isthmus of Panama is still very much wild rainforest and lakes, and the canal is essentially two points on each side connected by a boat route across multiple of these lakes).

So, #1: America (alt. the Americas)

• Europe and Asia are not actually bisected into two landmasses, and if anything any physical connection is reinforced by the fact that the boundary is the Ural Mountain range.

So, #2: Eurasia

• Prior to the construction of the Suez Canal in 1869, Europe and Africa were indeed the same landmass, connected by the Isthmus of Suez. However, as the Suez Canal is a sea-level canal, it is created by literally cutting the landmasses apart down to relative sea levels.

So, #3: Africa

• Australia.........Yeah, I didn't see any reason why it should lose its status as the world's biggest island and smallest continent.

So, #4: Australia

• Antarctica I didn't consider a continent because it's mostly ice, and if Australia is considered the minimum bound for how big a "continent" should be, then, well, the portion of Antarctica that is actually ground below all that ice is actually a smaller contiguous size than Australia, ergo it cannot count as a continent.

'Course now I'm older and realize that was all bullshit. Lol. Sure it makes sense from a geological standpoint (but even that is bullshit as geologically there are no "continents", only plates), but a continent is more than its geological structure; it's geological, political, and economic, all three of these rolled into one.

Sources for Images Used:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panama_Canal
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ural_Mountains
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suez_Canal

I used to believe there were a ton of things that the universe decided to fuck me in particular. Turns out, it was autisim.

I used to think that all the times I had to survive drowning were unique, until I met my coworker who almost drowned to death in the same wavepool as me, despite us growing up in two seperate states a few hundred miles apart.

I still hope drowning three times is fairly uncommon, but at least one of those pools is just hella dangerous I guess.

I managed to knock myself unconscious and give myself a pretty nice concussion during a particularly heated pillow fight at a summer camp. Pretty sure that's about as unique a feat as I've managed thus far.

One time I farted on an airplane and wondered if any human had ever farted at those exact global coordinate besides me, does that count?