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If you're keeping the apartment only in your name I think it's fair only you pay the mortgage, she can pay half of everything else that she does benefit from/has to pay for in her current living situation anyways
Either way this is something you need to talk about with her and see what both of you are comfortable with. Se might not agree to whatever some stranger on lemmy thinks
There are a million possibilities and no single right answer. Strangers on the internet are not going to be able to tell you. Strangers on the internet certainly don't know the dynamic between the two of you.
Write down the possibilities (you've mentioned some in your post). Think of what seems fair to you. Show her the possibilities and talk about it and agree something.
My wife came from a family that considered it the man's duty to pay for everything and that women have to protect themselves from exploitation by guarding their own money. Conversations about sharing expenses were very unwelcome and showing love meant spending a lot on luxury gifts. She used to earn a third of what i did and had more disposable income than me since bills left me with little disposable. You could end up with 2 people at different levels of affluence in the same house if you are very defensive and financially isolationist. It's taken a long time to change that to a collaboration to work through life together with shared resources.
The most "scientific" way in a full commitment would be to put an equal % of both salaries into a "bills" account, then put how much you both want to save into a savings account and then divide the leftover disposable equally between yourselves.
Or if you're too early to be fully committed then you can start with continuing to pay for everything or ask her for a flat amount contribution.
Just know that money is one of the biggest sources of friction on a relationship and most people at not on the same page. It takes work and talking to get to the same page (that means talking to her.... Not us).
My advice is not financial but rather about relationships:
A relationship is built on trust. You are not room mates. Invite her to move in with no expectations, and let her decide how she wants to contribute.
Utilities 50/50. Look at what renting a similar place costs, and halve of that.
My partner and I split all costs based on what we are able to commit to (roughly proportional to income)
If I were you I'd split just the bills and groceries.
If you'd break up someday (God forbid), the property is still gonna be yours, so there is no point in making her pay any kind of rent.
Your proposal seems fair to me.
Yeah. The only thing I'd clarify is if she is paying rent or contributing to the mortgage. Paying rent is cleaner and she isn't paying half, but it is important to have an understanding about this in case there is a breakup or death.
Yes that seemed obvious to me but youβre right itβs worth clarifying this is a rent payment, and not a contribution towards the mortgage.
As others have said, there is no right answer but here are my thoughts based on my experience.
The apartment is under your name so I would expect you to pay the mortgage.
One thing you could do is that your girlfriend puts a share of the mortgage cost into a savings account under her name. It could be the equivalent of what she's paying now for her rent of the equivalent of your mortgage minus 30%.
This way if you stay together and decide to buy a new home you can both contribute to it with a nice down payment and if you split up you both get your marbles back.
It also levels your salaries and you are contributing equally to the housing cost so there is no resentment being built on your side.
What I did with my girlfriend (now wife) is that we were doing a pro rata monthly contribution to a bank account that was used for everyday life. In your case you are earning 30% more then you can contribute 30% more to this account. Then everything like electricity, groceries, restaurants together ... Was deducted from this account.
It's quite easy to get a free bank account with two cards so we used that (we used N26 at the time but there are plenty of options, the bank account was technically a single person account with two cards but it did not really matter since we were not keeping a lot of money in it). We started by keeping track of all our expenses on an app like Tricount and regularly balancing our contribution, it's easy to set up but it requires to keep track of all our expenses and was quite annoying to do on the long term.
Stumbled into c/relationshipmath over here
This sounds like a conversation to have with her, not strangers on the Internet
I'm not sure this is fair. I don't think this is in lieu of such a conversation, but about some ideas on how to pitch the conversation. If you don't have any friends in similar circumstances, it's worth finding out what other people do.
That said, the range of suggestions here is so broad that I'm not sure it's going to help!
I agree it wouldn't be right for her to pay off your mortgage. But I think either 50/50 or proportionate to income (i.e. 1.3/1) splitting of bills, groceries, and other costs incurred by the both of you, is reasonable. But you're in relationship, not a contract, so do discuss this with her and see what the both of you would prefer.
This is a discussion you should definitely have with your partner. My wife and I split things proportionally so I earn more and I pay more. We try and split so we each have some fun money every month.
What we did is we added up all expenses. I was making 2x what my SO did. They wanted everything 50/50. I insisted by pay. We ended up meeting half way. Inplay 3/5the of the bill they do 2/5ths.
Without knowing how serious your relationship is, it's hard to say.
I would advise not doing this if the main reason is to save money, especially with one person being the sole owner. The power dynamic is too unbalanced.
But if you're both pretty sure this is a long-term, perhaps lifelong, relationship, then no one here can give you the correct answer. Set aside some time, sit down with your partner, discuss things from both a practical and emotional perspective, do this again in another week or two, and find an arrangement you both feel good about.
Take the total of what both of you earn, see what % each one contributes to that, and replicate this on rent
I would suggest not charging her to live there, as you own the place; that might feel excessively transactional. Perhaps what would be most reasonable is to split bills proportionally after you've paid your mortgage. If, for example, your mortgage alone was 2000 Euro, you earned 6000 Euro a month, and she earned 4700 Euro a month, you would say that your income was 4000 Euro to her 4700 Euro, and that the split should be about 46% (your share) to 54% (her share).
Im in the same situation, we splitted just utilities 50/50 (electric, water, sewer, repairs) and Im sending a little less to shared account for groceries and other food (beacuse I earn less than my partner) but nothing more
You should split groceries/electricity and all that 50/50. The house is yours so she should not pay for it unless you actually both agree she should pay a monthly rent to live in your house. That to me would be correct. I am in a different situation as you as I bought the house with my wife and even tho I spent more because I had more money available I did not ask her extra money. Also keep in mind that wife is different than girlfriend. So since wife>girlfriend I honestly thing you should get to an agreement with your girlfirend and she should actually pay something for the rent and it should not be all on you.
if she helps pay the mortgage or renovations or anything that increases the value of the house she gets to own part of the house otherwise its completely unfair, split utilities according to income and thats it.
Probably best to let her dictate the price though since there is such an imbalance of power at play
If she has to pay for it then she can bring anyone she wishes into her apartment ... with payment come rights.
I am seriously concerned that in your mind, without payment she would have to ask for permission.
In my personal situation, my gf is staying with me regularly for a while (LDR atm). When she stays here she doesn't have to pay for anything. (She wants to pay for some food) The only thing, I have requested in that situation, is that she tells me when she brings a friend to our place and that preferably I would like to know the friend before they appear in my private space. In other words, I just don't want to open the door and see an unexpected stranger sitting on my couch. Please note, I asked her to respect that. I asked.
I personally would feel weird collecting rent money from my girlfriend that provides me equity. Did you ask her what she thinks?
Just get her to cover a few hundred every month. It's true, you so own the equity in the apartment. Or she can cover food or something. If you guys stay together and get a place together someday, then maybe it's 50 50.
My gf and I bought a house. The mortgage is 50/50, as we both own the house. All the other costs are divided according to our pay. I earn a bit more than she does so I take about 60 percent and she about 40.
Of course your situation is a bit different seeing as how you would be paying off your mortgage, so you could do the mortgage according to pay as well or smth. The important bit is you figure out something you are both comfortable with to prevent any resentment in the future.
A few elements you left out is how compatible your housework stuff is and what she was paying before. She should absolutely not be paying more than half in total of what she was before all said and done and going up to that amount is bs as well. Look at it this way. If she had a roommate that is amount she would pay anyway. Maybe your place is better but given you guys are a couple it should be nicer for her than just that. If your place is better thats a bonus. With groceries I think you should just buy independently and a lot depends on who cooks. If one person is cooking more often then the other person should make it a point to get as much of the shared groceries as they can. This is getting to the housework. I remember talking with a friend and he had a thing with his girlfriend because he vacuumed once a month and she did once a week. He felt he should still do once a month as she still ends up doing it less but gets the same effect while he is doing it the same amount as he would on his own. Things get complicated when you live with family or a significant other and you want to make sure its a good deal for them as well as yourself and presumably you have a lifestyle that tends to spend 30% more or at least potentially can. I would make sure you are at least paying 30% more than her every month. Anyway Im more giving you food for thought than a hard and fast answer but tldr is make sure she pays less than 50% of what her expenses were before and further that your monthly costs are 30% higher however that works out. On a personal note I like simplicity so if it worked out to not be to much I would be tempted to just ask her to carry all the utilities and then do the independent grocery thing. Its less work for you if she gets and pays the utilities and you don't have to shuffle money back and forth which can feel a bit weird.