this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2024
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RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola (chaser.com.au)
submitted 5 days ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[–] jjagaimo@lemmy.ca 64 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Holy shit I was almost excited there might be one thing to make the coming cycle less shitty until I saw the community

[–] Telorand@reddthat.com 40 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Here's one that's real: he's promised to ban high-fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most other developed countries. It should have been banned in the US decades ago.

He might be a wakadoodle, but he might still get a few things right by accident

[–] HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

This implies the US is a developed country.

[–] Telorand@reddthat.com 2 points 3 days ago

I mean, it is by most definitions that I'm aware of. It might be run by fascists, oligarchs, and ultracapitalists, but it's definitely developed.

I'm not sure what standard you are applying that would place it in a "developing" or other category.

[–] finderscult@lemmy.ml 11 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Hell try and then we'll be reading a news story about how his brain worms finally kennedy'd him the next hour after the attempt. HFCS and the multitude of corporations producing and using it aren't some pushover industry like oil and natural gas, they have actual power.

There's a reason corn is in everything processed in the US.

[–] Schmoo@slrpnk.net 2 points 4 days ago

How tf is the oil and natural gas industry a pushover? They're literally destroying the earth and getting away with it.

[–] ipkpjersi@lemmy.ml 4 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I don't think Canada has it banned either lol

[–] Telorand@reddthat.com 5 points 5 days ago

Just gotta elect a guy with a brain worm, I guess...?

[–] Didros 1 points 4 days ago

America Hat is part of America I thought?

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I think the best we can hope for is that Trump seems unlikely to fuck with state laws regarding marijuana. That’s fine with me.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t try the Coke, though.

[–] steal_your_face@lemmy.ml 1 points 4 days ago

I’d def try coke-aine

[–] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 27 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I actually can't tell what's a parody any more

[–] Wisely@lemm.ee 9 points 5 days ago

Yeah I thought this was real news at first.

[–] Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Given that RFK jr was a heroin addict for decades, I was once again fooled by this and I thought it was real.

Satire has been dead for years anyway.

[–] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)

the onion actually doesn't do satire any longer.

they do prophesy now.

[–] EarthShipTechIntern@lemm.ee 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

One can dream...

I do wish this were prophecy

[–] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 days ago

I've wanted this for years. I hope he sees this article and decides to do it.

[–] Infynis@midwest.social 6 points 5 days ago

Damn, they almost got me lol

[–] friendly_ghost 6 points 5 days ago

Coke in a can: mid Coke in a bottle: okay Coke in a bag: LET'S FUCKING GO