Asklemmy

Doesn’t really matter here. The saying is “the man, the myth, the legend”. If you go changing every part of it you might as well have not said anything at all because it won’t make any sense.

Usually when I make a mistake while trying to act in good faith, I apologize. Posting about the interaction without apology and flashing names of non-mods involved is not the way to correct your mistake, nor to garner sympathy.

I'm probably a bit further to the right than most on the fediverse with this opinion but...

I think, once you have been informed of someone's pronouns, it's flat out rude to not use them. I don't know if it's a banning issue but that's for the moderators on your instance to decide or the instance the community is on. Even if you don't agree with someone's lifestyle, it's just polite to address people the way they'd like to be addressed.

But surely there's a difference between intentional misuse and accidental. I think banning someone for not looking up someone's pronouns before a public interaction seems like pushing things a bit far here. I certainly am not checking such things. But, then in general when online I will use gender neutral wording because frankly, for online interactions someone's rarely information that matters for the interaction. I don't really need to know.

My view is, I think it is almost always clear when someone is being malicious and thus transphobic and when someone makes an honest mistake/did not know better. We, as a whole, really should be differentiating between obviously malicious and non-malicious cases.

Just stop using gender specific pronouns at all. Makes things much simpler

You are supposed to do deep research on the person you're commenting to....

I barely even read usernames, plus Voyager App doesn't show profile bios, so even if I wanted to check their profile I can't and I'm sure as fuck not using the mobile website to get the information.

If somebody corrects you about gender, just say woops, correct yourself, and move on. It's an honest mistake, a simple fix, and nobody should be offended. Especially online. If they are still offended, it's because they want to be.

Girl, you're good. It's all a simulation.

I think you shouldn't assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don't think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn't check her profile which says she's a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I've especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.

I don’t think it’s necessary to check every profile for potential pitfalls when interacting with them. But honestly, in this case there is an obvious transgender flag in the profile name that should make you at least question your first assumption.

I'm not even interested in the username of the person I'm responding to. I tend to ignore it completely unless there's a comment like "lol, username checks out".

There are very few times I will bother to check someones profile. They have to either say something so awesome that I want to see more, or have given a take so hot I want to see if they're trolling or if this is standard behaviour for them.

While it looks like the whole Jerboa/"miscommunication" thing has been sorted out here I want to chime in to say that no, I don't think that checking profiles for anything is a reasonable expectation.

I never check usernames or comments. It is about the conversation at hand.

I assume sone people are sensitive of pronouns if they have transitioned or altered their pronouns, but simple catch phrases should not get you banned--if it was clearly not harrassment.

I try to be cautious of gendering and use they/them when possible, but also i feel individual people need to realize the world does not revolve around just them as an egocentric bubble, and sometime shit happens and you have to deal with your feelings about it, and either A) ask for what you need, or B) move on. Having mods protect your feelings for a perceived slight does not prepare you for the outside world of actual interaction with humans.

Again, anyone please don't take this as condoning purposeful harassment, bullying of those not in the boomer view of gender. I grew up as a cismale that did not follow the normal idea of what a boy or man is. I was the artsy, poetry type that had mostly female friends. This caused toxic males to label me gay. Cuz gay to hang out with women, LOL.

On a funny note my as a bearded man standing at the pharmacy counter, my pharmaciat called me "Sir Or Madame" as one phrase. They clearly had just taken a course on inclusivity, or have something in them that made them respond per the exact script corporate presented. There wasn't even a need to address me with an honorific, they could have just said Next, or I can help you now.

No.

No, if they want to be gendered appropriately, they should have it in their username.

I know that for some people it's quite a struggle. Whether it is their focus, lazyness, energy levels, unwillingness during their toilet time or something else.

So, I'd say no. That's part of why I usually just go for they/them. Just like when you don't know someone's pronouns irl

I generally just use gender neutral language. I would check the person's bio before using a phrase like that tho, especially if they have a trans flag emoji in their name

That being said, getting banned/restricted for that comment alone seems a bit extreme to me tho

Generally I wouldn't take that kind of thing too seriously from hexbears they love conflict and actively seek it out

Just be more careful with gendered language. Also, the trans flag was right there

Nah it can’t be expected

I personally try to avoid gendered language, but if I do use it, I tend to check their profile-bio :)

yes, it takes 2 seconds and minimal effort.

Whatever your thoughts on the original situation, you know her pronouns now, and you've directly reposted the thing that got you banned. This time around, you don't have an excuse. You know that it's an issue, but you didn't anonymise the post, effectively sharing the misgendering with even more people

Uh, yes, but its a mutual misunderstanding from both sides...

That's a pretty reasonable misunderstanding, I don't speak for anyone but myself but generally as long as there's no malice involved I'm not upset by an accidental misgendering.

I'm on jerboa too and didn't even know there were specific pronouns on accounts, I just chucked mine in my bio.

Its an honest mistake and I think if you appealed the ban you'd have a good case for it, however as you now know that's the trans flag you can be more mindful in future :)