Doesnβt really matter here. The saying is βthe man, the myth, the legendβ. If you go changing every part of it you might as well have not said anything at all because it wonβt make any sense.
Asklemmy
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
The Ma'am the myth the legend is right there though :D
Agree. Some expressions become so iconic they get genderless. Just like sometimes it's accept to use "man" and "dude" as a genderless exclamation
Usually when I make a mistake while trying to act in good faith, I apologize. Posting about the interaction without apology and flashing names of non-mods involved is not the way to correct your mistake, nor to garner sympathy.
I did apologize to the mod I emailed. Not looking for sympathy, frankly I was more interested from a technical perspective as to why her pronouns aren't showing on Jerboa, but they were on the browser.
Browsers will collapse white space, line breaks are converted to spaces.
Jerboa does not collapse white space, and instead rendered the display name with the line breaks. But, one possible reason is that, the area for usernames/display names can only display 1 line, so all of the pronouns got cut off.
That wasn't your question though. If a technical jerboa question is what you intended to ask, about 90% of your post didn't need to be included and the question in the title needed to be very different.
As to your edit, I would not recommend PM'ing the user directly; that may be very unwelcome and further breach rules of that community. Personally, I would have asked the mods for a chance to edit my comment and apologize publicly. But with previous history of your self-described "psychosis", if I were the mod I would be skeptical of your motivations.
Ya the admin of Blajah made a solid point that I should have anonymized the post, I rarely post/comment, so not super familiar with the etiquette. Definitely will keep that in mind in the future. & hey my person, there are a lot of severe mental disorders other than gender dysphoria that exist out there :|
I'm probably a bit further to the right than most on the fediverse with this opinion but...
I think, once you have been informed of someone's pronouns, it's flat out rude to not use them. I don't know if it's a banning issue but that's for the moderators on your instance to decide or the instance the community is on. Even if you don't agree with someone's lifestyle, it's just polite to address people the way they'd like to be addressed.
But surely there's a difference between intentional misuse and accidental. I think banning someone for not looking up someone's pronouns before a public interaction seems like pushing things a bit far here. I certainly am not checking such things. But, then in general when online I will use gender neutral wording because frankly, for online interactions someone's rarely information that matters for the interaction. I don't really need to know.
My view is, I think it is almost always clear when someone is being malicious and thus transphobic and when someone makes an honest mistake/did not know better. We, as a whole, really should be differentiating between obviously malicious and non-malicious cases.
Just stop using gender specific pronouns at all. Makes things much simpler
This is what I try to do. This has been made slightly more difficult after βtheyβ became a pronoun in its own right. Iβve only had one person get upset by my using βtheyβ before knowing their preferred pronouns though, and when my intent was clarified it was fine. But like damn what other default pronoun exists? I guess this is what getting old feels like, itβs not like Iwant to be a boomer about this.
I use they/them as a default. I'll catch myself in using them and go "wait, what is this persons pronouns" and check, on platforms like Lemmy that have it, their display name for pronouns, and if there aren't any, then bio. If neither have any pronouns I'll use they/them. If there are pronouns I will not use they/them unless listed.
i find this very easy on lemmy, in english. i'm usually talking to folks more than about them. if i do want to talk about someone, i'll check their profile, or default to 'they' if data is lacking, but it's a rare enough thing so as to be little burden.
You are supposed to do deep research on the person you're commenting to....
I barely even read usernames, plus Voyager App doesn't show profile bios, so even if I wanted to check their profile I can't and I'm sure as fuck not using the mobile website to get the information.
If somebody corrects you about gender, just say woops, correct yourself, and move on. It's an honest mistake, a simple fix, and nobody should be offended. Especially online. If they are still offended, it's because they want to be.
I think the issue here is that it wasn't a case of "somebody corrects you about their gender". It was "a third unrelated person comes in and rudely yells at you that you should have already known not to use a turn of phrase".
Girl, you're good. It's all a simulation.
Always has been
I think you shouldn't assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don't think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn't check her profile which says she's a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I've especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.
I donβt think itβs necessary to check every profile for potential pitfalls when interacting with them. But honestly, in this case there is an obvious transgender flag in the profile name that should make you at least question your first assumption.
What percentage of the populace do you think knows what the transgender flag looks like? :|
The online percentage.
I'm not even interested in the username of the person I'm responding to. I tend to ignore it completely unless there's a comment like "lol, username checks out".
There are very few times I will bother to check someones profile. They have to either say something so awesome that I want to see more, or have given a take so hot I want to see if they're trolling or if this is standard behaviour for them.
While it looks like the whole Jerboa/"miscommunication" thing has been sorted out here I want to chime in to say that no, I don't think that checking profiles for anything is a reasonable expectation.
I never check usernames or comments. It is about the conversation at hand.
I assume sone people are sensitive of pronouns if they have transitioned or altered their pronouns, but simple catch phrases should not get you banned--if it was clearly not harrassment.
I try to be cautious of gendering and use they/them when possible, but also i feel individual people need to realize the world does not revolve around just them as an egocentric bubble, and sometime shit happens and you have to deal with your feelings about it, and either A) ask for what you need, or B) move on. Having mods protect your feelings for a perceived slight does not prepare you for the outside world of actual interaction with humans.
Again, anyone please don't take this as condoning purposeful harassment, bullying of those not in the boomer view of gender. I grew up as a cismale that did not follow the normal idea of what a boy or man is. I was the artsy, poetry type that had mostly female friends. This caused toxic males to label me gay. Cuz gay to hang out with women, LOL.
On a funny note my as a bearded man standing at the pharmacy counter, my pharmaciat called me "Sir Or Madame" as one phrase. They clearly had just taken a course on inclusivity, or have something in them that made them respond per the exact script corporate presented. There wasn't even a need to address me with an honorific, they could have just said Next, or I can help you now.
No.
No, if they want to be gendered appropriately, they should have it in their username.
It did. OP's client doesn't display it. It's pure miscommunication.
I do! And they isn't one of them...
Besides that, I do accept that OP couldn't see my pronouns, it isn't their fault that I deliberately tried to fuck with my display name, and that their app then honours the newlines I put in there but truncates it to one line.
Apologies! I couldn't see any pronouns from the image so defaulted to gender nonspecific they. Edited.
I know that for some people it's quite a struggle. Whether it is their focus, lazyness, energy levels, unwillingness during their toilet time or something else.
So, I'd say no. That's part of why I usually just go for they/them. Just like when you don't know someone's pronouns irl
I generally just use gender neutral language. I would check the person's bio before using a phrase like that tho, especially if they have a trans flag emoji in their name
That being said, getting banned/restricted for that comment alone seems a bit extreme to me tho
Generally I wouldn't take that kind of thing too seriously from hexbears they love conflict and actively seek it out
Just be more careful with gendered language. Also, the trans flag was right there
I did not know that was the trans flag. Appreciate ya letting me know >_<
βThe them, the mythβ¦ the Xβ. Forsure, that does seem more meme anyways.
Maybe a stupid question, but how do I tell from the flag whether that's a trans fem or trans masc?
You don't but you'll know that it probably matter that you get it right
Nah it canβt be expected
I personally try to avoid gendered language, but if I do use it, I tend to check their profile-bio :)
yes, it takes 2 seconds and minimal effort.
Whatever your thoughts on the original situation, you know her pronouns now, and you've directly reposted the thing that got you banned. This time around, you don't have an excuse. You know that it's an issue, but you didn't anonymise the post, effectively sharing the misgendering with even more people
The misgendering, and the fact that it was accidental, is the point of the post. If anything OP is sharing her correct gender with "even more people", and creating a discussion where we can think about how to stop this happening in future both to this individual, and on Lemmy in general. Why would you want to shut that down?
It could easily have been anonymised. The conversation can happen without misgendering someone a second time around.
Literally just edit the person's name out of the image, and boom, same discussion, but this time without repeating the same mistake
You are correct I should have anonymized the post, will keep that in mind in the future.
I don't necessarily agree with your previous message, but I do agree it's a bit unfair to include the identity of the person who was misgendered in this post. It isn't even a guarantee that they were the person who took serious issue with what OP said. They may not have even reported OP. So it seems unfair to call them out, even if the intent was to provide context.
That's a pretty reasonable misunderstanding, I don't speak for anyone but myself but generally as long as there's no malice involved I'm not upset by an accidental misgendering.
I'm on jerboa too and didn't even know there were specific pronouns on accounts, I just chucked mine in my bio.
Uh, yes, but its a mutual misunderstanding from both sides...
Its an honest mistake and I think if you appealed the ban you'd have a good case for it, however as you now know that's the trans flag you can be more mindful in future :)