I'm basically an orchestra with no conductor. The different sections are just doing whatever the hell they want. I need a conductor.
this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2024
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And they all stopped playing music at like 19 or 20 so like…they’re fine at their instruments, can read music, even have moments where they sound pretty good. But they ain’t winning a competition lol
Why does this comment hurt in my soul?
Because we mostly understand the issue but not well enough to fix it! Weeeeeeeeeee!
I wouldn't mind if societies also made some compromises for me too. Currently it feels like I'm making all the compromises to fit in but made to feel like it's never enough.
Feels like I'm trying to fix an awful relationship by doing all the hard work myself. I'm tired.
Definitely fair. I was more just continuing the bit above
I felt that in my soul and it made me immediately think “Fuck You” and laugh loud enough everyone looked at me.
I aim to displease
I'm seriously considering starting a financial management business for people with adhd like me who are in debt simply because they forget to pay the damn bill.
I wouldn't be managing anyone's finances, though, I'd hire people who aren't like me.
Auto pay saves me $1,000’s a year, that and getting a loan to consolidate all my credit cards so i would only have one late payment max a month, and it’s on autopay.
I have saved so much money with that damn loan and the All Mighty Autopay
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I feel like this tells a lot about the state of the society we have where most people can't be what they want to be if they want to also make a living
ADHD is not a personal problem, it's a socioeconomic problem.
I mean it's both. Not being able to do your chores is bad no matter the society.
And it's bad because they're "chores" who "need to be done". In a different structure which recognised the needs of ADHD people those chores would never have been assigned to you in the first place.
Would I hate an ideal world where people with bad ADHD have people to cook and clean for them? No, but it's not social injustice; just life. It's a personal problem in the same way losing an arm is a personal problem; to an extent society has a responsibility to help you cope with it, but it still sucks to lose an arm.
"doing your chores" is a sedentary live problem where people stay at the same place long enough that their traces are not erased naturally.
ADHD is the perfect mindset for a nomadic society. Stay to long at the same place (and risk ravaging its ressources)? No problem, you'll get bored before that happens and seek a new place!
Sedantarity and land owning is a problem to nomadic people everywhere 😁 Of course this is no longer valid in an overcrowded world like ours.
No. You don't get to deny the very real PERSONAL harm done by this condition. No amount of socioeconomic changes could ever stop the personal problems.
Nobody denies ADHD causes personal harm. But the cause of that harm is the rigid society not being facilitating to people with ADHD.
Societies are inherently rigid. Getting one person to change takes a hell of a lot less time and effort than getting 200 million of them to change.
Yes which is why millions of neurodivergent people mask to fit in and suffer as a result. What's your point?
I think it's a personal problem too, because the human condition itself demands certain tasks that we might struggle with, but I absolutely understand what you're saying.
Despite my positives with ADHD, like being able to flip between constant emergencies all day, and getting constant praise for my work, my last job was threatening to fire me because they noticed I was 1 minute (literally 60 seconds) late a few times.
Good riddance to 'em, they had no idea how much effort it took to get within that margin with traffic patterns that change literally every day. They were also okay with getting there ridiculously early and jusy idling their SUVs in the heat until they could go in. Clown world.
I find that's somewhat of a norm systematically. Society will think it's "fair" to hold everyone to a standard of constant ridiculous feats of executive function that have no tangible effect on outcomes, measured by raw numbers at face value, and use this "data" to determine your worth as a person.
Despite my positives with ADHD, like being able to flip between constant emergencies all day, and getting constant praise for my work, my last job was threatening to fire me because they noticed I was 1 minute (literally 60 seconds) late a few times.
yes, but this a very clear example of what exactly I'm saying, no? This is not a requirement of human nature or something. It's just an idiot boss.
Absolutely! I guess I wasn't arguing against you so much as saying "Well it's a bit of both."
ADHD makes society's ridiculous mandated coercion much more difficult, but it also gets in my own personal way when there's things I want/need to do and it purposely sabotages me, y'know?
It definitely creates a negative feedback loop. Socioeconomic pressures on ADHD brains make the personal tasks worse, which in turn make the socioeconomic ones more difficult, and round and round we go...
I'm glad we can agree mutually on something with absolute certainty though: my boss was indeed, an idiot. 😉
I wish I could figure out if I have it. I asked my doctor how to get diagnosed, he said I’d need to talk to a psychiatrist. I got a referral and tried to setup and appointment but they said I couldn’t be tested since I have no history of it. They instead want to put me on antidepressants but I’ve gone through enough of them to know that ain’t what my issue is.
Mental health care in this country is a fucking joke.
If you really think you need to be medicated, try different doctors until you find someone who specializes in ADHD. The rest have no clue what they're doing and regularly try to treat the symptoms of ADHD (such as depression about how much your life is coming apart due to ADHD) instead of the cause.
I honestly don’t want to be medicated, but I’d like a diagnosis to help me find strategies. I’m middle aged so have figured out how to live with the brain I have but it would be nice to not have to struggle against my nature so much.
I’m probably just lazy or easily distracted, or disorganized, etc. and am looking for excuses.
If you don't need medication, then a diagnosis doesn't has much more to offer honestly. The same stategies you can discover without a diagnosis as well. Look for ADHD meetups in your area perhaps, or ask around here or in !adhd@lemmy.world
Good advice, thanks. I am not ruling out medication, but I would hesitate to put one of my kids on it if they were diagnosed and so I am hesitant for the same reasons. The reason I’d like a diagnosis though is that I am pathologically unable to act without data. I’d feel like a complete imposter at an ADHD event unless I was sure I was one of the ranks.
Perish such thoughts. None of us cares to ensure your "adhd purity". If you feel you find value from adhd coping mechanisms, then you are welcome to the knowledge
thanks, I do appreciate it. it's a me problem though that I'm working on.
part of it is I suffered a brain injury last year and I'm still unsure if my faculties are fully intact.
Have you tried contacting a Behavioral Health Clinic? They mainly treat addicts or chronic mental illness, but they're qualified and a distinctly separate profession from psychotherapists.
Guessing you're writing about the US? Unless you're a user on a clearly country-specific server, a large chunk of users do not know what this country is.
Yes, the US. You are right and I should have been more specific. My apologies.
Nah, I'm being nitpicky. All good.
Well, I’m grateful for the callout anyway :).
Oh well, at least I can rotate between behavioral addictions for constant distraction
Joke's on me I guess; I'm also dogshit at things I want to do!
Try “we enjoy things we dont suck at”
Regardless of how few things i believe this is true for most people.
I feel personally attacked.
If you don't care about it then you shouldn't be investing your (valuable, finite) attention in it.
So all that weak stuff, be slackful about it. Squeak by on the halfassed minimum.
And the stuff that matters, do it perfectly.
That's what every great artist/inventor/scientist/philosopher/etc has done since forever.
Some of that "weak stuff" includes things like:
- Basic Hygine.
- Maintain relationships you care about but struggle with.
- Focusing on a conversation that is interesting or has valuable information you need but drift off after 30 seconds because you notice something in the background, a misplaced hair on their face, or your brain over corrects and you get stuck in the "must focus" internal mantra.
- Remembering to eat instead of hyper focusing on a project and time blindness kicks in and it 14 hours later.
- So-man-other-things.
ADHD is a fucking struggle mate. And your advice is oblivious to the realities of the struggles and life.
The greats are often famously slovenly, antisocial etc.
And here you are, pushing mere shame.
Your shame seems small, comparatively .
This is some serious r/iamverysmart over simplicity. Nothing I said was shame mate.
I like living without stinking to high hell, having teeth that aren't rotting and infected, and not being covered in rashes and fungal growth because I am maintaining personal hygiene.
I love having friends. They bring me so much joy, happiness, shared interests, and introducing me to activities I enjoy.
Listening and not being constantly stuck in my mind allows me to build my knowledge and wisdom instead of some neckbeard elitist iamverysmart intern hellion.
I don't mask anymore, but I'm also not going to be some shitstain that believes they're the next "great" just because I am not nerutypical and have a false belief that the greats are-just-like-me because I'm neurodivergent.
Ah, "shitstain". No shame here.
It sounds to me like you care very much about fitting in etc. Well more power to you.
But some of us don't.
So you do you. And don't pretend that you know how to do us.
Practice a little humility.
Yeah, because clearly everyone without an ADHD diagnosis is a calm competent person with their life together. /s