Yep. Got snipped in my mid 20s. Been a peaceful 25 years. Do not regret it at all.
this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2023
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Got snipped 2 years ago. 10/10, would blow carefree loads again.
Shit, I’ve been really considering it myself and I was made to think it was weird or somehow inappropriate to get it done in my 30s. I don’t want kids. Period.
Who made you think it's weird? I did it at 38 and all I got from doctors was "how many kids do you have? None? I have 2 and your making the right choice". Seriously. Also, why would you care what anyone thinks? Also, no one will know. You don't have to tell anyone.
I got mine done late 20's. They asked how many kids I had, I said zero, they said although sometimes it can be reversed, it should be treated as permanent. I said if I decided i wanted kids later there were plenty of premade kids looking for a home, and off to snippy town we went.
The only surprising thing here is that people are surprised by this. Of course there are no regrets. The only reason people regret this is because popular culture keeps telling us that women is not a real women without kids. Get pass that BS and you'll be fine without kids. You will also have more time, money and less stress.
Probably fewer people who regret not having kids than there are people regretting having them
Any regrets I have evaporate every time I visit friends who have a kid. Something else is broken or ruined, the kid is constantly vying for attention in increasingly loud and destructive ways, and there's always at least one shouting match before the night's out.
That's not even to say that I don't like kids. I just like money, quiet, and a clean house more. Nor do I want to disparage my friends' parenting skills, god knows it can't be easy with both parents working FT+. But their non-working lives revolve around their kids now, and I don't want that for myself. And on top of all that, I can't imagine making someone else go through this shit as everything seems to be deep in the process of going straight to hell.
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This was an interesting inclusion:
Finally, the study also explored interpersonal warmth – how people feel about childfree individuals compared to parents. It was found that parents generally felt warmer towards other parents than towards childfree adults. This finding is indicative of an in-group favoritism that exists among parents.
Maybe it was the placement in the article after the whole “if anything, older parents were slightly more likely to have regrets” part, but it just really felt like the reasoning was the image of child free people in parents’ minds is exactly like this thumbnail lol. The child free lifestyle is just a happy, gracefully-aging person laughing in the sun while parents are like moms in a mop or paper towel commercial before the good mop or paper towel.
This feeling may also be colored by every single friend of mine that is a parent, when asked if I wanted kids and saying no—or even just offered up unprompted—I think they’ve all said to me, “DONT FUCKIN DO IT.”
I've only been married for 28 years...we're not ready for kids! #idiocracy
10/10 recommended.
So what, let people enjoy what they like.
It's not like the planet is running out of people.
They aren't worried about people, they're worried about less workers... the bourgeoisie's only concerned they may have fewer workers they can feed to their machines and, and thus "losing money," which is unacceptable.
Obviously the economic aspect is significant here in terms of the constraints on would be parents.
But I often wonder about how much the “modern” culture of parenting and its beliefs in a fairly full time committed always on parenting approach are worth discussing.
One critique I can imagine is that it’s part of the hyper individualism of modern western culture in which everything is pushed onto the solo responsibilities of individuals rather than emphasising the need and value of cooperative and community based approaches to getting things done.
In the case of parenting, from what I’ve seen, a cooperative approach evolves naturally out of necessity, but leverages extended family members rather than communities. In which case it makes sense that anyone without a functioning extended family just can’t reasonably have children.
Another critique is that do children really benefit from constant supervision from their parents or is this something that’s more about parents assuaging some cultural guilt around being good/bad parents?
In response to the last point, yes. There is a lot of research supporting the importance of close parental bonds.
Asking young children to "self regulate" is literally impossible; children are not developmentally ready to self regulate or "self soothe". Classical parenting ("Boomer parenting") of ignoring kids and letting them figure things out and/or punishing dysregulation are damaging.
Digging into the last example a bit more, punishing dysregulation looks like sending a child for time out when they lose control and hit. Children don't want to hurt others; that behaviour is a symptom of dysregulation, and they need an adult's help to co-regulate, identify the instigating stressors that led to dysregulation, identify what feelings they are experiencing, and practice, practice, practice, practice co-regulation strategies hundreds or thousands of times until they are able to use those strategies independently.
By sending a child for time out, parents are abandoning children when they are most in need of attachment. This teaches children to mask their dysregulation and suppress their emotions.
This is just one example, but the bottom line is that yes, there is a lot of research supporting the value and benefit to being present and attentive to children's needs, and being mindful about parental choices. (Doesn't mean you won't lose your shit as a parent and fuck up all the time, but you need to repair the relationship when it happens.)
If you want the long answer, I highly recommend Dr. Becky Kennedy's book, "The Good Inside". Or follow her on social media for regular "bite size" highlights. Even if you aren't interested in parenting, it's a fantastic book for unpacking your childhood traumas.
Thanks for this!!
I'll probably check out Dr Kennedy.
Though I do feel some skeptical push-back might be warranted, especially at the intersection of my two points.
What proportion of parents can realistically execute something like what you/Kennedy advocate? I have a suspicion that it's probably unsustainable for many, not just because of economic constraints but personal and psychological ones too. Without knowing anything about Kennedy's work, I'd wonder how much their bias is that they're the kind of person that becomes a psychologist with an interest in parenting and how much this bias gives them a blind spot about what many simply aren't capable of or interested in.
In relation to my first point, I'd then begin to wonder how much Kennedy's approach has problems in the way that it leans into the individual responsibilities of parents (which would also suit what looks like, from a quick Google, an approach involving selling books and having a social media presence ... just saying) rather than any wider social and cultural factors worthy of consideration or change. Of course, perhaps Kennedy does address such points.
Which leads to the broader point about what parenting really is what it should be at a social and cultural scale. While I personally buy into what you describe here (and had already done so before I posted in this thread), I would fear that an emphasis on parents being solely responsible for the emotional development and well being of their children is a sure way to consign many children to poor emotional development no matter how clear and accessible the content/materials are for parents simply because of idiosyncrasies in the makeup of parents and the psychological "resonance" they have with their children.
I don't think potential regrets are a good reason to do things like have kids. Have them if you enthusiastically want them, assuming you have the means and an awareness of the workload.
Some things should be a "hell yes or a no," so to speak.