this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2023
117 points (100.0% liked)

Asklemmy

1459 readers
81 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 25 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I have simultaneously merged with my desk. My bowels have been displaced and are now bisected with bamboo. I feel simultaneously ripped apart and yet stuck and solid. Every point of my being is as though it has been engulfed in flames. My existence and identity has now become insufferable pain. I feel an impending sense of doom at a foreign body now lodged inside of me.

There are no wounds for me to bleed from and I cannot gasp for air to scream. My spinal cord has been severed and I feel hot prickles on my cheeks and my ears feel as though they are being stuffed with cotton. An internal white hot pressure feeling erupts up my now-fractured spine until it reaches the back of my head and radiates towards my forehead. My peripheral vision looks like static and everything appears to shake. I am unable to make sense of anything and everything goes dark and still.

U killed me op wow

[–] fracture 4 points 1 year ago

me too, thanks for writing this so i didn't have to

I'm now having an uncomfortable moment with the airline passenger in seat 26A.

[–] DarkFox@pawb.social 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I've now telefragged my colleague.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MangoKangaroo 15 points 1 year ago

I am now sitting in the chair next to me. This is mildly inconvenient.

[–] Sidyctism@feddit.de 14 points 1 year ago

I telefrag the guy sitting next to me on the train

[–] SuiXi3D@kbin.social 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’m now in the lap of the guy in the stall next to me.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

"Well hello there, come here often? Let me get that for you..."

[–] KuraiWolfGaming@pawb.social 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm shitting in the shower.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Jaywarbs@kbin.social 12 points 1 year ago

I'm standing in a box. I am now a cat.

[–] venji10@feddit.de 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Don't know, I don't know how much two feet is.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ramble81@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

Fall out of my chair, but otherwise unaffected as I end up on the floor.

[–] Cyv_@kbin.social 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Does the cat on my tummy come with me? If not Cheddar says that this expirement violates the cat sitting treaty of 1669

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

We only made that damn treaty because they promised to chase off the rats during the last bout of the Plague. We've had it twice more since then, lazy furballs.

[–] marco 11 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Thanks, I'm now pooping in the shower ...

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] lakemalcom10@lemm.ee 11 points 1 year ago

Well now I'm sitting in a different chair. And I don't like that chair as much. 😑

[–] ghashul@feddit.dk 11 points 1 year ago

I'm suddenly on the outside of a bus on the motorway. Probably dead or at least badly injured.

[–] Pat_Riot@lemmy.today 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] rothaine 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Right side couch gang rise up

load more comments (2 replies)

Hmm, well the railing of my bed would well... be railing me.

[–] Hare@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] hddsx@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have been bisected by a table

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] locuester@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 year ago

I’ll have a window seat at 30k feet and the person seated to my left will be free fallin’ for a while.

[–] Nemo@midwest.social 8 points 1 year ago

I'm sitting on top of the bin of laundry I need to fold.

[–] CharlesReed@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

I live in the wall now.

[–] Turious@leaf.dance 7 points 1 year ago

Yay, I'm in bed now! Good thing, I was getting eepy.

[–] EponymousBosh 7 points 1 year ago

I'm on the bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles

[–] knittedmushroom 7 points 1 year ago

I'm taking a shit in my bathroom cabinet now.

[–] NOOBMASTER@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

I'm european, so it doesn't affect me at all.

Not much, I'm just lying on the other side of the bed. Although my pillow has been replaced with a garbage bag.

[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

Woah, lemmy is for shiters.

[–] sibloure 6 points 1 year ago

15 stories high in the air over a concrete street.

[–] celeste@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

Inside a decorated Christmas tree. Maybe I can blame the cat for all the glass bulbs I'd break?

My cat Ralph is not gonna be happy about that.

[–] simple@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

I've merged into my bed and finally have an excuse to not get off of it.

I am now sitting in a different chair at the same table. I continue browsing Lemmy on my phone.

[–] GreyShuck@feddit.uk 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If this involves some kind of adjustment of orientation, then I will be doing an early Father Christmas act and coming down from where I have appeared halfway up the chimney (being generous about how wide that chimney is). If it doesn't, then I am going to be part of the brickwork - except for my guts and arse, which will rot in place in the chimney over the next few weeks.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Pantherina@feddit.de 6 points 1 year ago

Fusioning with the atoms of the wall next to me. So parts would stay me, others would just transform into very high density stone or something. The meat may fall off or needs to be cut off, luckily my head would be completely inside the wall.

[–] mp3@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 year ago

I instantly swapped chair in the dining room.

[–] FoundTheVegan@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'm laying on my side in bed, so.... I guess I jump two feet in the air, fall, make a big sound, probally bounce off and break some stuff and then have back problems all day.

[–] snooggums@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

My left arm is now part of the wall, so at least I didn't die outright.

[–] athos77@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago

I have either bisected the wall, or the wall has bisected me.

[–] JWBananas@startrek.website 5 points 1 year ago

I am now sitting on the laptop my company gave for work, most likely breaking it. Which is unfortunate, but I can probably just request another.

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i just fell off the bed ouch

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] AngryHumanoid@reddthat.com 5 points 1 year ago

I have a bag of Skippy Peanut Butter Balls lodged in my ass. If I move they won't be there any more ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

[–] ParsnipWitch@feddit.de 4 points 1 year ago

Stuck in concrete wall / window T_T

[–] ____@infosec.pub 4 points 1 year ago

Two very pissed off cats.

[–] Menagerie@pawb.social 4 points 1 year ago

My head is now clipping through a cardboard box full of stuff. I assume that wouldn't be very survivable.

[–] Dirk@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago

I guess I’ll be sitting on the ground now.

load more comments
view more: next β€Ί