Asklemmy

• Almost got abducted by pedo but a cop rolled by
• Mom and I got rear ended by a dump truck that left us hospitalized for weeks
• Renal failure due to something wrong with my kidney (I was too young to understand what) but surgeons were able to fix it without removing kidney
• Almost drowned surfing...at least three times
• Hit and run when on my bicycle. That got me a nice new bike, which was nice.
• Near miss with a car while bombing a hill on my Powell Peralta skateboard. It should count as multiple because, in hindsight, bombing a hill that steep, that fast, on that board, with no gear or helmet, was in itself a near death experience every time.
• Near miss with a territorial tiger shark while surfing.
• Near miss with a territorial moray eel while scuba diving
• Wrecked my motorcycle
• Rode off a cliff while back country snowboarding...alone. Please don't be this stupid. That was very dumb and 100% on me. Always bring a buddy. I should know better.
• Hit a hidden rock while snowboarding that caused me to whip the back of my head into the ground so hard that I almost passed out. When I checked my helmet I saw that my head must have landed on another hidden rock because there was a quarter sized hole where the rock had pierced. It was very likely a fatal hit had I not been wearing a helmet.
• Suffered from chronic and acute insomnia that almost drove me to suicide. Reality gets tilted when you don't sleep at all.
• Felt not good. Went to the ER and was rushed to surgery. Turns out most of the arteries on my heart were blocked 93+%. One was 99% blocked. Ended up getting four stents but at least I dodged a bypass and a heart attack. Close though. Had I waited, maybe even a day, I would have had a massive heart attack. *Got cancer. Beat cancer. Fuck cancer.

EDIT: Reading someone else's comment reminded me of a time when I was very young (5?) where we had an aquarium on top of a tall dresser. I opened the bottom drawer and climbed on the lip so that I can could see the fishies. The whole thing toppled over on me. The dresser landed on my lower body and the aquarium landed on me, shattering. I clearly remember my mom screaming in panic, my neighbors lifting the dresser off me, the terrazzo floor cover in bloody water and me yelling at the top of my lungs for someone to save the fish that was dying next to me. It didn't make it. Oooh boy, there's trauma there. That memory hit a nerve for some reason.