this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
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I am absolutely alone.
I have not had a friend irl in like 7 years and on top of that a lot of trauma that has made it very difficult to trust people now. In 2020 some bad stuff happened to me at like right at the start of the year just before the pandemic really took off. I just... shut down, pandemic and trauma and everything I just couldn't cope other than withdrawing from everything.
Thats been going on for 3 years now, pretty much live like a hermit now even though I am in the middle of a big city, like hikikomori levels of hermit. No family nearby. I just never leave my apartment anymore, get everything delivered. I can "technically" leave, I am able to go to things like a rare dr appointment or something like that. But I get near panicky if I am out too long, I have thrown up several occasions trying. It's actually been a few years now since I even talked to any one irl except for people in like service roles like shopkeepers or receptionists, things like that. I actually don't know how to unhermit myself at this point. I feel trapped.
If you read this and think of commenting some shit about how I just need to put myself out there please fuck off, it's not that simple.
That sounds like a most extreme version of what I've experienced. Do you hang out with ppl online at all? Down to talk to a rando if you got time this wknd.
Hell no it isn’t simple. It sounds like a constant struggle with no rest.
I got stuck so far up my own ass, emotionally speaking, I couldn’t keep a social engagement for several years. There’s just no reasoning yourself out of it.
I intentionally took an extremely social retail job to force myself to go through the motions of social interaction. Part-time was all I could handle. I needed the job anyway and the benefits were good so I could avail myself of proper mental health care. Eventually I emerged and am still rebuilding a healthy social circle.
It’s hard and I’m sorry you are going through this. Your path will be different than mine, but I want good things to happen for you.