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is anyone else tired of heteronormativity? (self.lgbtq_plus)

submitted 1 year ago by sleepybisexual to c/lgbtq_plus

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I kimd of am, why are so many relationships in media strsight? We need more lgbt representation

This is dumb and I'm probably getting offended for no reason but here's a small experience I dealt with recently

So like 30 minutes ago my grandmother wanted me to smile so she told me to think of a pretty girl and while I didn't react at all my first thought was literally "why not pretty boys" Its silly I know.

I'm not out but I literally couldn't be leaving anymore hints that I'm bi. Its funny how nobody noticed yet

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[–] chumbaz@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

In practice, yes. Absolutely.

With your grandmother, no. Unless your grandmother is a raging asshole and doing it on purpose to sleight you - your grandmother likely loves you very very much. She’s not doing it on purpose.

(If your grandmother is intentionally sleighing you, ignore the following completely. Fk her if she is.)

Your grandmother likely has zero frame of reference to contextualize what she is inadvertently doing. She’s been doing and saying the same idioms for 60, 70, 80 years or more. I COMPLETELY understand the frustration but she’s not repeating them to sleight you.

If you have a good relationship I’m sure if she’s doing something that is especially triggering - she would be more than happy to adjust with gentle reminders after you’ve had a discussion about it and a gentle reminder when ever she falls back into old habits.

We all know kids learn language fast and more easily with immersion. Adults are exponentially worse. Can you imagine what it’s like for an Octogenarian, let alone with zero immersion? You are likely their ONLY point of reference. It’s going to take time to unlearn those habits. It’s like they’ve only spoken English their entire life and suddenly everyone around them speaks fluent Spanish and those around them are frustrated with them that they keep speaking English. They haven’t changed or moved - everyone else is changing around them, and although for the better your grandparents are understandably confused at the resentment.

Regardless - If she actually knows certain phrases bother you she will change. It will take practice on her part. But give her some latitude.

If she refuses to change, family is who you choose to surround yourself with, not who’s genetics you share. If you’re young and compelled to acquiesce to the whim of your parents in the meantime to tolerate your grandparents, know you’ll be able to choose for yourself who your family are sooner than to think.

But what I wouldn’t give for even one more day with my grandmother who loved, accepted, and supported me like no other even when she didn’t completely understand. Even when she got it wrong she tried so, so hard to get it right. She’d even correct other people and shoot me a grin afterward - so proud of me and proud of herself for advocating for me and being a better person.

Get mad at others especially ones that don’t care about you - but be patient and love your grandmother unconditionally like she loves you.

And hug her big for my sake. Maybe twice.