In regards to OP's comment about ghosting, I just want to ask, are you a man? Because women all-too-often have to deal with men who can't take no for an answer, and some of those men go from mad to violent very quickly. You might say "well, no man should act that way, they should be able to hear 'I don't want to see you anymore' and just accept it and move on" but the fact is they are not all able to do that. So should women do the respectful thing and stop ghosting, even though some of them definitely WILL end up being yelled at/attacked/killed?

(I know my example doesn't cover all situations involving ghosting, like for instance if the ghoster is a man. If you want to modify your claim to be 'ghosting is unacceptable, except in cases where having a face-to-face conversation could put someone in danger' then I guess I'd agree with that statement. It's just that it's really hard to know which person will be dangerous when they are turned down.)

[–] tchotchony@mander.xyz 15 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Yeah, at the very least scratch the "face to face". I'd be more inclined to agree if a message or a call is acceptable, but some guys you really, really don't want to see in person a second time.

[–] raccoon@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'll offer the other side of the coin just to give more food for thoughts, but I will also add that unlike OP I believe a phone call or a polite text would be enough: Should someone ghost in the name of safety, when a dangerous person would still look for you in person anyway or should they consider the feelings of someone they don't like just because they don't know they are a decent human being?

I understand where you're coming from, but a phone call or a message will keep you safe from a beating or being yelled at, homeboy starts yelling? Block the number. If you ghost someone they might still get really angry and look for you in person, maybe I'm ignorant and stupid but I don't see a lot of extra safety in ghosting unless we assume that to tell someone you're not interested you have to do it in person.

If you ghost someone there is a chance you avoid their anger, a chance. But there's also 100% certainty that you're going to hurt someone's feelings. Not to mention I do believe that's not the only cause, there's definitely people that ghost because they just don't care about the other person.

[–] Nollij@lemmy.fmhy.ml 4 points 1 year ago

There's a wide spectrum of responses people can have to a breakup. Anger to the point of violence is naturally low in most modern societies, but it does exist.

When you have that breakup moment in person, you force a lot of emotions to flood them all at once. Often, they thought things were going well. This creates a strong sense of rejection, hurts their self-esteem, and puts them immediately on the defensive. It can also trigger a fight-or-flight response, and manifest as anger.

Ghosting flattens the curve. Over the course of days or weeks, the ghostee more gradually recognizes and comes to terms with the fact that the ghoster is no longer interested in them. This often happens without there being a flashpoint moment to set them off.

It's still rude, but I absolutely see the value in it

[–] stappern@lemmy.one 10 points 1 year ago

honestly everytime i hear talking about ghosting i justimagine incels

[–] Nollij@lemmy.fmhy.ml 9 points 1 year ago

Face to face is not only unnecessary, but often counter-productive. You aren't likely to just already be at the same place, so one or both of you must travel to the agreed upon meeting place, just to deliver the bad news. It also often forces an unwanted and pointless conversation, and draws out what may be a painful subject for both people. And this assumes that it goes well- others have mentioned the risk of violence, extreme emotional distress, etc.

I (generally) oppose ghosting, but it can be done remotely.

[–] lumi 2 points 1 year ago

There's also the fact that you can communicate (therefore not ghost) in ways other than face-to-face. If someone is dangerous or makes me uncomfortable, I'm not putting myself in that situation, but sending a message is courteous.

I also wonder if there's an expectation of time investment in OP's face-to-face comment. If I've been chatting with someone on an app, or had one date but didn't hit it off, I think a text is perfectly acceptable and doesn't count as "ghosting" either.