this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2024
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Sorry this is a bit of a depressing subject but I've been feeling down and I kinda want to interact with ppl online.

Basically I'm feeling down because the girl I liked (I'm not out to her) is very likely into another girl (she's bi).

I never dated in my entire life, mostly because I feel like a freak and don't want to seem like a pervert trying to flirt with a girl. I don't know why I feel like this, but it's really taking a toll on me because if even as a relatively attractive guy I couldn't find anyone, how the hell can I find someone now?

I know T4T exists but there are so few trans women where I live, and the queer community is tiny here. I feel like I'll always be a second option to cis women(genital preference) and it just feels bad. I'm scared I'll end up alone. Moreover the HRT is making me crave intimacy so that adds to the pile...

Anyone feels like this too and found how to deal with it?

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[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Same. I've never felt like dating until I was a few months on e. I just felt like it was wrong to date someone when I wasn't feeling like myself.

Even now though, I'm still not dating even though I want to because I live in a rural area and there's very few other queer people where I am.

I also get very lonely and crave intimacy, and I honestly don't know how to deal with it. I've tried dating apps, but everyone is so far away, and it ends up just not working out.

[–] MicrondeMMMMMMM@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 3 months ago (2 children)

🫂 I don't want to have to use a dating app but to be fair it might be impossible without😮‍💨

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 3 months ago

Without dating app, the usual places people meet partners are where they spend a lot of time with other people: at work, at school, etc. The bar scene is / was a way people used to meet people, though in each environment there is a kind of filter about the kind of people you are likely to meet there.

I'm sure you can find someone without a dating app if you wanted to.

[–] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 3 months ago

It's very possible not to use dating apps, you just need to try to meet more (queer) friends. Eventually, as you meet more people as friends, somebody will come along that you hit it off with. Given enough attempts, it's basically guaranteed (law of big numbers and all that)

So, generally, the best steps towards dating is to not try to actively date, but being open to it, and in the meantime trying to love yourself, become genuinely happy if possible (or go to therapy etc), and to hang out in places where other people are, and meet other people and spend time with them as friends.

All of my partners, past partners and current partners, started out as friends (though, I also do a lot of casual sex)