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Making close friends as an adult (self.chat)

submitted 1 year ago by emeraldheart to c/chat

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Hi everyone! I'm in my late 20s and I've been reminiscing on my young adult life and what I like/don't like. One point that has been coming up for me is close, vulnerable friendships. I used to have a few friends who I was very close to a few years ago, who I could talk to about deep life stuff, big emotions, vulnerable feelings and worries, and also just enjoy time together discussing silly/serious media or the world.

I have since lost these friends, one way or another. Some simply drifted, some left in a flurry of drama and hurt feelings. I thankfully kept some friends, but a lot of them have been lost.

Despite the volatility of those friendships, there was something I was getting from them that I really needed and still need. I think that need is simply the human desire for close companionship. I have a partner, and he's wonderful; he's not particularly feel-y however, and my friends aren't either. I think I need more emotionally-vulnerable people.

My question is this... How does one make these friends as an adult? In fact, how does one make any friends as an adult? I'm finding myself not knowing how to proceed and find other emotional folk. Any advice would be appreciated. <3

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[–] janus2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I would say start with hobby-based circles. Look for local events and meetups (concerts, games, hobby shop events, etc.) as a way to meet people.

If you happen to like TTRPGs, in my experience that's a fast track to very close friendships that tend to have the deeper level of connection you're describing. My guess is because TTRPGs require good communication, the comeraderie tends to come naturally faster than any other given group of people. It's never a guarantee, but it's certainly worth a try if you're already into tabletop games or are curious to get into them

I hope you find excellent homies ASAP, wherever you find them :]

[–] ScrumblesPAbernathy@readit.buzz 9 points 1 year ago

I've got to second TTRPGs. You have to be somewhat vulnerable to play. You're basically playing make believe, you have to be unselfconscious. It forces you to be somewhat open and accepting.

If you're more analytically minded look for board game cafes or groups. Playing a cooperative board game is almost as good of a friend finding hack as TTRPGs.

If your hobbies are more solitary then look for or create groups. Crocheting or knitting? Find a group where everyone is doing it together. It's like parallel play. This could also work for neurodivergent folks.

One thing to keep in mind is that adults are more discerning about friendships. We know what we want now so it might have to be a bit of a numbers game. But one you have a core group the momentum seems to build. Best of luck and don't give up! Everyone deserves solid homies.

[–] emeraldheart 4 points 1 year ago

I appreciate this feedback! Strangely, my D&D group has not yielded these kinds of friends. I still really value these friendships, though! We just aren't particularly vulnerable with each other. Maybe I'll make a second, separate group.