So I know I don't need a label but I'm trying to sort out some feelings I think conventional society doesn't give us much room to think about. Pardon the rant. Would love discussion.
I know I'm Pansexual and enby and panromantic. I am in a long term monogamous relationship. But I can fall intensely in love with others, while still being intensely in love with my partner. My partner is monogamous, and I am happy to respect that. I think there is a lot of pressure in media to have to pursue every sexual and romantic desire. They press this message that if you "fall in love" with someone else than you must have also fallen out of love with the other. But I don't find this to be true for myself.
I'm not sure where I'm going exactly why this. Still working through a nebula. Any thoughts?? Ty!
Edit: I just want to thank everyone for their input and advice. I truly appreciate it. I always figured I was poly I guess. But I don't necessarily need to be in that kind of partnership. As I've gotten older, I've been able to be at peace with my "outside" attractions, I'll sit with it and experience while realizing that I'm not compelled to act on it unless it's the right thing to do for me and my partner. My partner is definitely monogamous and needs to be the only sexual partner. I'm ok with it. I respect them and love them and I love our relationship.
Even so, I really would like to know more about this part of myself, so I especially appreciate the book recommendation and hearing other experiences.
I'm sorry I haven't responded to comments, been very busy and will do so tomorrow most likely.
Love you all!
Now to think about, I should probably also put out the warning that triangles are the "extreme" challenge, so to say. Seen it work out once, and only once, and I've seen it fail a few dozen of times, including my own attempts at it.
Tringles should reward an irl achievement ngl
Oh that's definitely true hehe.. it's probably never a good idea to approach polyamory expecting a triangle relationship or even striving for it.. it's already difficult to find people accepting of polyamory that you are compatible with, let alone two people who you are compatible with who are also perfectly compatible with each other.
My partners are pretty happy barely interacting with each other currently, mostly due to lacking common interests. At best, my partners in the past have been good friends who support each other. Only once was the prospect of a triangle relationship even on the table but that didn't end up working out due to people drifting apart before we even gave it a chance. and my one poly friend that was in a 4-person polycule only was for all of a month before two people left the relationship.
Realistically, V style relationships (of varying complexity and "chain length") are much more common and stable in my experience, and I think anyone interested in polyamory should take that into account when setting their expectations.
yeah, you kinda got one side of it
Even if everyone is perfectly compatible, by going for a triangle you're also dealing with the dynamic of drastic change to an already existing relationship, which obviously has a stronger bond. Introducing a new person into this dynamic wreaks havoc, since the new person wants to compete, the other two want to spend a lot of time with that new person, overwhelming them, while also sticking to each other at times, essentially third-wheeling the new person.
It never works out. Too many ripples in the pond.