Was having this conversation with some new friends earlier and was curious. When did you guys figure out your sexuality/identity or whatever? Was there a person that helped you or a particular moment or event?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] xorels 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Gods I am extremely dumb. I (cis fem) had crushes on girls for over a decade before I realised I had crushes on them.

Age 13 - "No I just like looking at her and think she's really pretty".

Age 16 - "No I just like her aesthetic. It's gorgeous".

Age 20 - "Ok I might kiss a girl a little bit, but I wouldn't do anything else with her. I like boys anyway."

Age 23 - "I just like looking at women naked. They're so pretty and glamorous, who wouldn't want to look at them? It doesn't mean I'm gay or anything."

(Spoiler alert: It totally meant that.)

Eventually figured out (with the help of my partner) I'm bi with a preference towards feminine traits, not necessarily women but anything seen as classically femme - long hair, long eyelashes, makeup, soft body, painted nails, a soft smile. Also kindness, gentleness, etc. There's probably plenty more things I can't think of. (Apparently my attraction is kinda misogynistic).

When I was 19 I started dating a boy with some of those traits and I thought I was winning at life. Then that boy turned out to be a girl and she got the rest of those traits and now I am winning at life. And walking down the street with her and holding her hand and being able to show her off and think "this is my girlfriend" makes me extremely happy - for the both of us. More than it ever did before.

[–] Gaywallet 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Apparently my attraction is kinda misogynistic

Attraction can't be misogynistic just like it can't be racist or hetero or homophobic. It's not a failing or a success to feel sexually attracted to someone (or to not feel this towards anyone at all). Attraction is a feeling. Feeling, like all emotions, are always valid. There is nothing inherently right or wrong about the presence or absence of an emotion or feeling.

It is completely valid to be attracted to whatever you are attracted to and to not be attracted to whatever doesn't fall in that bucket.