the_itsb

Sure! Undiagnosed and unaddressed, I struggled my whole life with emotional instability (huge, overwhelming feelings, very reactive), chaos in my head (songs, phrases, conversations, scenarios, etc, all jumbled up on shuffle-repeat while I'm trying to steer a train of thought through), difficulty with relationships (chaotic brain makes conversations tangential & interrupt-y, makes it easy to forget people exist, etc), difficulty starting tasks and finishing projects, and I spent almost 40 years thinking that all of this was the result of various character flaws that someday I would finally be a good enough person to fix:

Someday I won't be reactive and my brain will be quiet if I just meditate enough! (Meditation does help but definitely wasn't enough.)

Someday people will like me better if I learn to be quiet during conversations! (I try, I really do. 😂🤦🤷 I literally make lists for and take notes during big conversations.)

Someday I will be successful and have an always-tidy house! (Routines and lists help but weren't enough.)

Then my 14yo was really struggling in school and with friends and asked to be assessed for ADHD and was diagnosed, so I started reading up on it so I could parent better and in everything I was reading, I recognized myself as much as my kid. All of these problem areas are the result of my brain functioning differently from others', and no amount of pounding their strategies into it is going to make it act like theirs. There are modified and alternate strategies that work better for neurodivergent brains.

Super half-ass early morning analogy - it's like trying to drive a manual transmission vehicle when all you know is an automatic. I spent my entire life thinking that my car would start but just wouldn't go anywhere, but actually I just needed to push the clutch down to get it into gear. 😂 Why didn't anybody tell me I had a clutch?!?! They don't have clutches, they don't know any better. Now that I found my clutch, I can see that my car isn't a jalopy piece of shit, it's just different, and it is totally capable of driving!

Life-changing.

Please feel free to ask anything else! I'm happy to discuss, I want to make sure everybody knows to check their floor for a clutch before they give up on their car.

Like the subreddits on indefinite blackout, I have no intention of going back until Reddit deals more equitably with mods and third-party app devs, which means I might never go back. That's sad but okay.

My relationship with it has irrevocably changed. It was foolish of me to let myself become dependent on any community administered by capitalists, because their goals and values are going to inherently be different than mine. Once their focus shifts from "make this community popular" to "make this community profitable," our goals are never going to realign, so it's better to start over in a place where simply building community is the goal.

All these things you're bringing up are very common ADHD symptoms! PTSD and extreme stress and fatigue can cause these things too, but if you're not under particular pressure or recovering from trauma, or if it's been like this as long as you can remember, you might want to look into ADHD.

Getting diagnosed was life-changing for me and has radically reshaped my conception of myself.

These are both very common ADHD symptoms. Not trying to diagnose you, just putting it out there as something you might want to consider researching further if these things cause you difficulties or problems.

Diagnosed combined type checking in - I also do this. I came to the comments to upvote whoever was here to tell OP that if this is a constant struggle, they might have ADHD.

I'll try to keep this more positive spin on it in mind. Thank you for helping me see that there could be a silver lining. ❤️

I did the "too much for people" thing this weekend and just feel awful about it. I met a friend of a friend who I had been told was a little quirky, and we instantly clicked and started chattering in the way that neurodivergent people have, and after a while talking I asked if they were neurodivergent... And that was a terrible mistake, I think I really offended them though they were super nice about it, and I can't stop kicking myself over it. Really cool person with a very interesting job, our dogs got along, lives nearby - I was stoked to have made a new friend, but I think I ruined it by getting way too personal.

Oh well.