For us at least, it just happened naturally. I often talked to myself and felt as though there was definitely more than one of us, until one day our friend told us that we might be plural and we realized that we could really relate with the plural experience.

So, how did you figured it out?

How do you manage your system memories?

If any particular headmate fronts at some point, do you treat/feel the memory of that time as theirs, or does the memory belong to the system as a whole. Do you ever feel, "this isn't me, this memory is of another headmate."

We mostly share our memories and we can recall what is experienced by another headmate. Most of our day to day memories are shared and belong to all of us. Though, we firmly know certain memories or events are done by or linked to a certain headmate.

ALT TEXT:
You can't use they/them for yourself, they/them is plural.

Us, a plural system:
An image of three green anthropomorphic vegetables from veggietales. The one in the middle introducing themselves, saying "Allow us to introduce ourselves,"

Given that different headmates may have different forms (at least in headspace) between each other, these forms may not always align with the physical body. Some headmates may have different forms compared to the physical body; maybe different in height, size, age, gender, or even species.

With that, how do you feel about your physical body in relation to yourself and how do you manage that? How do you handle the mismatch between physical and headspace body?

Note: be careful about mentioning too much personal or identifying informations here. Remember that this forum is public on the internet, so take care and keep everything non-identifying.

For me, I am relatively different but somewhat similar with my physical body. While my headspace form isn't always consistent, it's generally within the same body type as my physical one. The differences are mostly minor, at least for the body.

The biggest differences are with my face and hairstyle, which greatly differs between headspace and physical space. It's hard being reminded by how different I look between headspace and physical space. I don't really identify with my physical body too much, to the point where I don't like to look at mirrors.

And it's hard to be reminded that even though we are all different people with different body in headspace, we share the same exact name and body physically that none of us feel as ourself. None of us are our physical body for some reason.

And I'm kinda lucky. Our other headmates are even more different to our physical body. It's worse for our core/host as she's a trans girl, so she has to deal with gender dysphoria on top of the general disconnect we have. Perhaps that's why many of us feel disconnected.

We mostly deal with this by not thinking about it too much.

• Churchill

Welcome to Plural@lemm.ee

This is a community for those who are never alone. Whether you have DID, OSDD, tulpas, soulbonds, are part of the plurality umbrella, or know that you are never alone, you are more than welcome here! We also encourage those who are curious about plurality and want to learn more about it, as well as those who are questioning.

But before you participate, be sure to follow our community rules.

Rules

01. Follow lemm.ee general rules

As this community is hosted on lemm.ee, you should probably follow its rules. Some of these rules are expanded further for this specific community, but in general, the rules are:

No Abusive Language
This includes slurs and harmful jokes targeted at any particular users or group.
No Bigotry
Such as homophobia, transphobia, sexism, ageism, ableism, and any other forms of bigotry. This also includes jokes and trolls with bigoted content/intent.
No Advertising
No Pornography

02. All plural identities are valid

No single type or source of plurality is any more correct, real, or valid than any other. Soulbonds, tulpas, endogenic systems, non-traumagenic origins, non-dissociative plurality are all valid. We operate on the idea that any good faith self identification are valid-- afterall, you don't know what's inside someone's head better than the person itself.

We will allow discussions about labels and what they mean. But, disputing whether someone or a certain system is valid, calling out someone as trenders or fakers, or any other word which imply someone is invalid may result in disciplinary action, especially if such behavior also breaks lemm.ee no abusive language/bigotry rules.

03. Don't pressure questioning people

Pressuring users on plurality or any other identities are not allowed. Even if you're certain that someone is plural, you shouldn't pressure them into identifying in any particular way. Let people decide themselves whether they're plural or not. This also applies to any other decisions involving identity, such as coming out.

You can still give people advices, informations, or opinions, just don't frame it as definite (i.e: it's fine to tell someone that their experiences may be related/similar to plurality, but it's not fine to tell them directly that they're plural).

04. We are not therapists or professionals

This community is not created, maintained, or participated by a professional in mental health or otherwise. This community is not a substitute for professional help if you need them.

Also, we can not guarantee the quality of any users, posts, comments, or responses made in this community. While we hope and do our best to ensure everything is helpful, there is no guarantee. As with everywhere else on the internet, please excercise caution and skepticism to any advice or information you see here.

05. Be mindful of what you post here

Be mindful when posting content which may trigger, offend, or affect many people negatively. For example: negative experiences, sysmed encounters, etc.

Of course, with so many possible triggers, we can't really disallow possible triggers-- or else there won't be contents to post. Lemmy also lacks support for content warnings, so for now:

If you want to post potentially triggering contents, try to place content warnings within your post title. For example:
[TW: sysmed] Insert your post title.

06. All rules apply regardless of who is using an account

Any rule violations or issues made by an account will be counted towards that account, regardless of who is using it. Yes, even if the trouble was made by your other selves. As with real life, you are responsible for what your other selves may do.

07. Regarding identity terms

Unless you speak in clinical terms, no word belongs to any group exclusively. Though some words may be considered derogatory, people can use whatever words they want for themselves in good faith. If a word offends you, you may ask them not to use it to refer to you, but you may not insist for them not to use it for themself if it's done respectfully.

You also may not insist for someone not to use a term for themself just because you feel it is wrong. Some prefer alter over headmate for their own, respect their choice.

TLDR for the Rules

1. Follow lemm.ee general rules: no abusive language, no bigotry, no advertising, no pornography.
2. All plural identities are valid; do not dispute the validity of anyone.
3. Don't pressure questioning people; let people decide whether they're plural or not.
4. We are not therapist or professionals; this community is not a substitute for professional help.
5. Be mindful of what you post here; put trigger warning in the post title for negative and/or triggering contents.
6. All rules apply regardless of who is using an account; as with real life, you are responsible for what your other selves may do.
7. Do not insist anyone to stop using a term they prefer to refer to themselves.

We will continue to revise the rules as time went by. We hope you have a great time within our community!

What does Plural mean?

"The experience of having more than one person, self, or identity within the body" - Manchester Metropolitan University: Understanding Multiplicity

That's mostly the gist of it. Having more than one person or identity within the same body.

What it means specifically to be plural and to be more than one person varies greatly between everyone, and so do the words used to describe it. Not everyone shares the same idea on what it is or what it feels to be plural.

Think of it this way. We all show different parts of ourselves to different people. We might behave differently around our friends than with our parents. And sometimes we feel conflict within ourselves-- sometimes a part of us wants to buy that cool thing but another thinks it's a money waster. For some of us, the experiences of having different parts or selves is a lot stronger than this.

You may have experienced yourself as a single person, but with a wiser part and an inner child. Or you might have different parts or selves, each having a different name, gender, voice, age, and story. They may even have their own memories or personalities. They may make decisions together, or some parts may be the leaders and make decisions for everyone. And some of you may experience parts or selves as being outside of your body, or friends you can talk to.

Is being plural a mental issue?

Being plural by its own is not a diagnosis. Some of us who are plural may experience issues or worries about mental health, others don't. With how varying the plural experiences can be, there can be many different ways for anyone to experience plurality. Some of us find being plural comfortable or enjoyable, while others may find it distressing.

Some of us who are plural may try to or have received diagnoses like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD). But it is important to keep in mind that these diagnoses are not necessary to be plural.

Why Plural experiences happen?

There are various reasons. For some of us, it's just who we are. For others, it's something that's linked to how we experience and understand our gender(s). For others, it's spiritual. And for others, it might be related to trauma or difficult earlier experiences. When we experience trauma, in order to cope, we dissociate: we switch out of the experience to escape it. It can be a really useful and sometimes live saving survival strategy.

How different can each selves be?

It depends. The differences between each selves can, once again, vary wildly. Some selves may have different names, genders, voices, ages, stories, and even species than another selves or the body.

More Resources

Healthy Multiplicity

Manchester Metropolitan University: Understanding Multiplicity - This is the document that helps us create this post.

More Than One

Multiplicity Links

Is there any more questions about plurality that you wanted to ask? Be sure to let us know!

Please keep in mind that this text isn't meant to be a complete guide or a beacon of truth. Plurality is a very complex and personal subject, and we may make mistakes or miss a detail in this post. Take this post as more of a start and look up for more sources if you're interested in learning more.