I had a teacher tell me to drop out then be forced to write an apology letter for it.
She wrote "I'm sorry you thought I told you to drop out."
So I'm gonna say "I'm sorry you thought" is high up there. Straight up gaslighting.
this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2023
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I’m sorry, but …
🚫 Conditional apologies:
- "I'm sorry if..."
- "I'm sorry but..."
- "I'm sorry for [not the main thing you should be apologizing for]..."
🚫 Apologizing on behalf of the recipient:
- "I'm sorry you feel that way"
- "I'm sorry you came to that conclusion"
🚫 Insulting the intelligence of the recipient by way of apology:
- "I'm sorry for not being more clear"
- "I'm sorry about being so misleading"
🚫 Non-apologies:
- "I apologize for..."
- "It's regrettable that..."
- "It was terrible to..."
When in doubt, keep it simple. Get the main apology out ASAP, then carefully start saying your piece afterward. Focus on yourself if the situation demands explaining yourself (many don't). Be extremely careful to speak only constructively about other individuals during the apology (if you can't say something nice...).
For example: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
🚫 Insulting the intelligence of the recipient by way of apology:
- "I'm sorry for not being more clear"
- "I'm sorry about being so misleading"
How are those insulting? Saying that I should have been more clear means I am the one who messed up by not communicating properly. Something like "sorry that you misunderstood" would be insulting since it places the blame on the recipient's intelligence.
They're not inherently insulting - there are ways to use those phrases appropriately, but they can be (and often are) used sarcastically, when the speaker had been clear in the first place.
The main issue is that it partially reassigns blame onto the recipient of the apology. As if you're saying "I could have done better, but if you were someone else it might not have been an issue in the first place".
Keep in mind that most apologies are being given unto hurt people and hurt people are less likely to give you the benefit of the doubt. That's why rule #1 is to keep it simple and spare the details.
EDIT: A good example of this in context: "I'm sorry for this mixup. It should've been written better."
Making the object of the sentence explicit ("this mixup") removes the implied presence of the recipient ("I'm sorry for not being more clear (with you)").
I think what I've learned from most of your examples is that people just don't like apologies.
People like the benefits of apologizing but don't want to pay the ego tax. It's one of the singlemost powerful social rituals we have as a species but you wouldn't know it based on how tightfisted so many apologies get.
Sure, but I think you misinterpreted my comment. Most of these examples feel completely irrelevant to whether an apology is good or not, and are perfectly fine in the majority of apologies which are not given in a shithead way.
That's cool. At the end of the day I'm just generalizing my own lived experience and to tell you the truth I am not a particularly wise person. Normally I wouldn't lecture on about this sort of thing at all -- it just so happened to be topical today.
"The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment"
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My husband's favourite is "I'm sorry you got upset."
Companies love that one too. "we are sorry our customers felt upset"
"We're sorry we got caught"
NASA too: “We’re sorry space got upset”
“I’m sorry that you were upset about it”
“I feel like I shouldn’t have to keep apologizing but I will anyways”
“I’m sorry if what I did was misinterpreted”
Or my favorite
“It’s not something that I need to apologize for but if it makes you happy”
"Ew do I really have to apologise to it? Fine..."
I am 100% right, but since saying "sorry" is the only way you might shut up...
Look...
"Even though you .."
To whom it may concern
As already addressed in my last e-mail: some of you ...
“IF I’ve offended you, I’m sorry.”
It’s not an apology if you don’t start by agreeing with the other person’s viewpoint.
Instead say: “I can understand why you’re offended. What I didn’t wasn’t acceptable and here’s why: …”
If you don't understand why someone is offended you can't possibly explain why what you did wasn't acceptable.
I'm with you. But may I suggest you shouldn't really be making excuses for something you don't understand.
“You’re still upset about that?”
Ya know, I'm not actually sorry, but I'm being forced to apologize. Next time just don't get upset, you cowardly snowflake and I won't have to apologize. Sorry, not actually sorry.
I was just [insert action here].
Waiting until it's "water under the bridge" and then apologizing because no amends have to be made and it still makes them look better. I'm no expert on apologies as a Reddit post of mine gives away, but one thing I'm sure of is an apology is supposed to be diplomatic.
Side note, I have decided this is the best way to apologize to me. Nothing else is necessary.
I'm not sure I understand. Can you give an example of this happening?
anything with the word but in it
I'm sorry that this halibut was good enough for Jehovah
I'm not sure what I've done wrong but..
I'm sorry, but
Fire somebody to safe face and take years to realize that you should have apologized.
If you think you deserve it...
You remember the dress your mom was wearing…
Sorry not sorry for what I said
It’s not me, it’s you
Personally, the worst way is to never start in the first place.
throwing shit at a baby while saying yeet
in an apology video