Asklemmy

Allow yourself to be bored at times.

No social media, no YouTube, no music, no doom scrolling looking for content, don't give yourself a task to complete, don't start cleaning.

Be there, in the moment, with yourself.

Let your mind wander.

And if it wanders to some dark places confront that darkness. Don't run away, don't let it fester. Face those inner demons.

I find a good way to do this at first is to go somewhere surrounded by nature with little to no people.

I have a specific place I go to out in the local wilderness area that is incredibly hard to get to and very isolated.

You don't have to go so far but it needs to be a place free from distractions.

I stopped using social media. Facebook was easy, just deleted it. Instagram was step by step, first I unfollowed all the pages that I don't know personally. Then I only used the "Following" timeline. When I only had a new photo in my feed every other day, I realized that this platform had nothing to offer me. I left Twitter when Mr. X comes around and switched to Mastodon. And I don't think I have to explain to anyone here why I no longer use Reddit...

I dont know if its "for men", but im a man:

Consistent workout schedule - sering progress in strength, stamina and appearance is extremly good for me.

I claimed the kitchen - after work, i shop for dinner, then throw the family out of the kitchen and cook - nice me-time and makes you a better cook.

Talking to a therapist when i feel i need it and 20mg of citalopram per day for my depression.

Most days I have a shower and get dressed. Makes me feel like I’m able to take care of myself.

Weight lifting and bodyweight exercises.

I have a cheap bench press and do a limited amount of exercises once or twice a week. It's boring and repetitive.

But all those little bits add up.

Even though I'm often severely depressed, I have managed to keep going. I stop for a week or two, but then I restart. And I am reminded of that when I look in a mirror or I catch someone 'mirin. Even now when I'm getting older. I'll have a better body at 50 than I did at 20. I don't look like the terminator, but I look better than most guys my age.

I have a couple of degrees, but I'm less proud of those. I sometimes regret going to uni, many people have a degree, being able to study is often a result of luck (parents, money), and it is something young you did. My body is something I have accomplished over years and years of repeated (if small) effort.

As dumb and simple as it sounds, I've been enjoying walking. I walk the dog, even when it's not my turn. I take a longer route sometimes, just to have some peace. Sometimes I listen to a podcast, sometimes music, sometimes nothing. Having space where no one is asking me things, I'm doing something healthy for my body and mind, and my best furry companion is enjoying it, too.

I think self care is best when it's simple, low maintenance/energy, and not negative. Sure, some other responses are "a whiskey, a smoke" or whatever, but those are indulgences/luxuries. I think it's good to have those things occasionally, but that's not truly taking care of yourself. Something unhealthy for the body but pleasurable isn't caring for yourself, in the best way.

As boring as this answer may be, but the one thing that was most helpful for me, is meditation. I’m an atheist and I want to run away when I hear ambient yoga music and „soothing voices“ in guided meditation, so it took a while for me to find a good entry point that was suitable for me, but it improved my daily live significantly. I don’t do it every day (because I’m still human and I can’t call it a habit yet) but I know it would make my life better if I did.

Sidenote: I also tried to create a going to bed ritual with fancy face gels and face wash, but all it spawned was a lot of pimpels and a parfume smelling pillow. So I ditched that and have again no pimpels at all, now that I let my face do it’s thing and just wash it with water and some soap every now and then.

I’d be interested in other „going to bed rituals“ that you guys may have, as I like the idea to have this kind of ritual in general.

Giving a shout-out to communities where this more accurately belongs

!askmen@lemmy.world !lpt@lemmy.ca

A lot of it boils down to mindfulness.

When I realise my mind is wandering into anxiety territory where I make up scenarios that stress me out, take a few deep breats (box breathing is nice for this), focus on where I am right now and what I'm doing. What is actually true right now.

Take time for hygiene. I got long hair so I only wash it about once a week, using a specific soap, that smells and feels nice, condition it with a vinegar solution, rinse thoroughly.
I also brush it every day and tend to wax my beard when I go out and trim it regularly.

I'm still pretty shaggy but in a way that I enjoy personally.

Besides these, I have very active hobbies, that I stick to once or twice a week. I get to physically exhaust myself, interact with people outside my daily routine, work on my skills to get better. I picked up reading again in my late 20s after over a decade of losing that interest. It clears my head in the evening when reading in bed and I'd say that habit improved my sleep.

A few things:

1. Writing down five things I'm grateful for. Actually I was doing this every day earlier this year when I was depressed. Don't just bullshit it. Write down what you're looking forward to that day, or things that you are appreciating. It will encourage you to appreciate more, to slow the fuck down and live a peaceful life.

2. Blogging/Journaling. I have been blogging on a wordpress blog but haven't shared the URL with anyone, not even my spouse. It's so helpful just to organize my thoughts and is helping me get in touch with my emotions instead of suppressing them.

3. Two lists. I keep two lists that I refer to frequently. One is my to-do list, which I have organized in Notion. When I can see that I am getting shit done, and more importantly, I have a system for prioritizing what shit gets done, I feel better about my life. The other and arguably more important list is my anti-productivity list. My just for me list. My shit I like to do list. Take out the feelings of your parents, your partner, your friends. Be selfish for a damn minute. Write down the things that truly make you happy. And make sure you do something on that list at a minimum once a week.

For me some of those things include:

1. Long showers during the spring time with the windows/doors open so a breeze can come in.
2. Smoking a cigar in the bathtub with a glass of scotch.
3. Watching Studio Ghibli movies.
4. Watching my favorite movies in general. "Midnight In Paris", "Lady and the Tramp", "Lloyd's of London", "Jab Tak Hai Jaan".
5. Going home to visit with my relatives.
6. Chinese hot pot
7. Going to the movie theater
8. Creative writing like I did as a kid. No pressure to produce anything great. Just write and tap into that joyful creativity.
9. Going to a craft beer brewery
10. Getting a massage
11. Playing MTG with my cousin and brother
12. Playing Kingdom Hearts
13. Cooking some comfort food
14. A nice road trip with the windows rolled down and no destination in mind.

4. Meditate. Look I'm not a crunchy person. But just focusing on box breathing / basic breath work at the end of every day has helped me tremendously. I think everyone should do it. It is physically proven that deep breathing done in the right way physically calms you down.

Doing regular excersise - I got into running and it really showed me how powerful excersise can be. Always improves my day, even if its going good, running makes it better.

Meditate, go outaide everyday for atleast 2h, take cold showers and be outside once a week with nothing to bother you at all, leave your cellphone at home, use this time to think or not think at all.

!mensliberation@lemmy.ca Promise, it's a healthy community and not some misogynist toxic pit

Spend some money on decent grooming products, get some decent shower gel, a facial cleanser, moisturiser. I didn't touch fragrances/colognes until I was in my 40s and couldn't believe the confidence it gave when I found one I liked.

"For men" feels a little reductive, I don't mind painting my nails on occasion, listening to an audio book.

A nice walk in heavy rain with big droplets does wonders, shoutout for the pluviophiles. Or sitting in a quiet spot of nature and taking in the ambience.

Sometimes it's as simple of having a cold beer and relaxing on the sofa with a good book or playing some couch co-op with my partner.

Going to the barber. Not only do i look nice afterwards, but this hour of simply doing nothing while nice people are around, good music and maybe a glass of whisky or a coffee is quite good.

Visiting a thermal bath/sauna. Afterwards i am pretty relaxed and tired. Sure, you must get used to the "no clothing allowed" policy, but you can use a towel, and everyone around is also naked and as fat and ugly as yourself.

Driving around on my ebike on a summer evening with good music on my airpods, enjoying the weather and spectating other people enjoying the evening outside.

Bath and a beer. These don't really make my life better I just enjoy them at the time.

I have a few. I cycled to work, gets me outside and gives me time to decompress after work. I also listen to a book or podcast which helps. I shower and shave after work. I shave with a safety razor brush and soap. It requires more care and attention than a multi blades razor or electric shaver, nice smelling soaps etc help with this. It's a little ritual that lets me take care of myself. I walk the dog regularly and try to spend time nature when I can. Lastly I keep a journal. I started with Mind Journal which has a whole set of electrodes to ease you into it and help put things in perspective. I highly recommend it for someone who thinks they might benefit from journaling but doesn't know where to start.

I got into skincare and hair care a few months ago. I've been using eczema and psoriasis products to treat my eczema and it's been a game changer, no more flaky skin around my nose and lips. The skin around my nose used to crack and bleed. I've also been using conditioner for my hair, I used to only use shampoo.

get your eyes adjusted first thing in the morning by staring at the bright outside until it no longer burns

Just establishing enough stability in my life to have one day predictably proceed the next while I enjoy all my favorite things and keep my sanity intact.