I will say; men are stupid, but a lot of the good ones will try hard to convince themselves a woman is just being nice. I wonder if they're only ever hanging out with these guys one on one, or if they're hanging with creeps to try and be nice.

Mostly jw because while I'm sure gay men would do the same thing, I've anecdotally never had one of them think I was stringing him on. I'm pretty shallow and try hard not to associate with creeps though, and typically make new gay friends at parties/thru friends, so I have way more filters for new people than OP does. I wonder if that's protecting me.

[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 8 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

I definitely think there's a degree of maturity where a person separates potential sex partners and potential friends. Or Maybe it's just me and I assume everyone wants to horndog with everyone. Which is okay, just keep it in your pants.

I've been married for 15 years now and I usually deflect any forms of attraction (men and women). I've had a few times where they confess, and I've always just kind of shrugged and let them know I'm not the person they built up in their heads. if they get creepy, quietly move on. Most don't and we're lifelong friends.

Again, maturity plays a huge part. And if they're not mature enough to see you as a person, whoever you are... That's on them. It may feel lonely on your part, but honestly, the drama with people who have obsessive crushing is way honestly more annoying.

[–] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 hours ago

I've never understood the separation, personally. People are friends first to me, and sex partner if we both want, but if not then we're still friends. I don't understand how people can throw away friendship for sex only.

[–] SingularEye@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 hours ago

she's kinda right though

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 5 points 6 hours ago (3 children)

Wouldn't the easy way out of that issue be to either seek out gay men or men who are in a relationship?

[–] Phantaminum@lemmy.zip 10 points 6 hours ago

As a man I kind of do the opposite, most of the girls I hang with are lesbian. That removes a lot of misunderstandings automatically and we can just vibe!

[–] dragonfucker@lemmy.nz 8 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Wouldn't that be treating single straight men as if they're inherently dangerous? Is that what you recommend?

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 4 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

Where did you get "dangerous" from? She wants to find people who want the same thing as she does, and evidently she didn't have luck trying to find a friend among single hetero/bi men. So why not try a different group of men?

Anyway, feel free to offer alternative strategies.

[–] PatrickYaa@lemmy.one 6 points 6 hours ago

Pretty sure you're missing a "/s" there bud.