Asklemmy

Here's something that you can't buy outside of Italy: mozzarella. I tasted proper mozzarella in Tuscany and it's nothing like the shit labeled mozzarella sold in supermarkets around the world, and for a good reason: real mozzarella has a shelf life shorter than Trump's attention span.

A Twinkie weiner sandwich.

1. Cook a hot dog
2. Slice a twinkie halfway through the bottom longwise to get something like a hotdog bun
3. Insert the cooked hotdog into newly created bun
4. Squirt easy cheese along the length of the hot dog
5. Dip in milk
6. Eat

Weird Al invented this in 1989 in his movie UHF and it’s still not available in stores for some reason

Marmite crumpets shouldn't exist!

What other cosmic horrors are you creating in your kitchen‽

Peanut butter toast

trypophobia image

The bed!

Trypophobia, apparently

Vegemite and raspberry jam (“jelly“) on toast. Probably works on crumpets too.

This question is very regional, so I could list a ton of things. For instance since I'm not in the UK, crumpets would be on my list (send me some please).

1. Chip Butty
2. Crisp Sandwich made with Sandwich Spread.

Food that is actually spicy. I know it is available at some locations on earth, but I do not live within 500 miles of any of them. The only place near me that even offers a legit hot sauce is a food truck and that one is still a bit tame.

I’ve never seen sourdough French toast at a restaurant and it is literally the best bread to use. The texture holds up well to the egg dunk and the funky sourness complements the otherwise cloyingly sweet dish. Even better, instead of syrup I use salted irish butter, making it a savory dish with a hint of sweet cinnamon.

Avocado shake, at least in the western world. Unless you come across one at an asian shake/milktea shop, and even then, that menu item is rare.

You've set the bar way too low. You can't buy peanut butter toast in grocery stores, either.

I would have said the same thing about PB&Js, too, except society is so depraved now that that's no longer true.

Maybe most of the food is based in the ideals of what we want it to be, but the reality is the ingredients and the people who cook of your region.

Batmobiles. Lots of companies sell Batmobile toys, no companies sell Batmobiles.

Coffee. I used to be a coffee fiend, I drank up to 12-13 cups a day, and only stopped because it was worsening my anxiety. I live in a coffee producing country and learnt how to make a good cup in an espresso machine, even got all the doodads to make the process standardized and get the exact same cup every time.

I can only drink coffee made by select hands now. Everything else tastes like jet fuel, and it's worse when travelling.

Maple Walnut ice cream seems to be impossible to find in stores outside of New England

Marmite Crumpets don't exist

Yet you brought them into existence. May god have mercy on your soul.

The Cannibal Sandwich, which doesn't actually use human flesh, but is also not a sandwich. Anyway, you take a slice of rye cocktail bread, spread on some raw, ground beef, then top it with some sliced onion, salt, and pepper. You can't get it ready-made, because nobody likes e. coli or salmonella poisoning. In fact, you have to make special arrangements to get the beef ground by a butcher in a clean grinder, and pretty much eat it the same day.

Marmite on Weetbix.

Ingredients:

• 1 Weetbix
• butter (lots)
• Marmite (lots)

Method:
Select a choice looking compressed wheat brick, apply a thick layer of butter, spread the Marmite across the layer of butter.

This was a common school snack when I was growing up.