I worry about money.
this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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Asklemmy
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My cancer returning.
My lovely anxiety keeps it ever changing.
Ending up in a labor camp within the next 4 years
Have you considered moving to some civilized place?
Not the person you replied to, but:
My Options are:
-
Remain in US
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Go back to China, an actual dictatorship. Hopefully Xi doesn't find all the anti-CCP stuff I said while in the US? China tends to label people who have moved oveeseas as "ๆฑๅฅธ" (Han Traitor). I could potentially end up in prison. Also job market has like 10 times more people competing than the US. Also ๆทๅฃ (Hukou) issues, my Hukou was in some rural village, very shitty place. If I go to a city (where the actual jobs are), I'm essentially treated as a foreigner in my own country. (Also, China revoked my Chinese citizenship already. So I'd technically be an actual foreigner lmao)
-
Become... stateless and get stuck in an airport?
Or secret option number 4:
4. Hope an advanced alien civilization abducts me? ๐ /jk, but that's be fun tho
- French foreign legion
The Internet or the power grid just shuts down one day when I wake up.
Like, yes I know there are the typical fear of nuclear war, or plague and stuff.
But those things, you typically just die.
But imagine you are alive, but have zero access to the internet. Zero entertainment.
I'll be so bored to death, while also not have the courage to end it (because of survival instincts would probably overrule my desire to die). Its just torture.
If the entire Internet/power grid just shut down permanently, it probably wouldn't take very long until you (and everyone around you) died. It's not just your entertainment anymore.
Electricity obviously keeps your electric appliances going, including HVAC. Even if it's gas, it probably needs electricity to work (e.g. fans on the furnace).
Electricity at a grid level keeps the natural gas flowing. Any backup options would quickly deplete.
It's also necessary for gasoline, since it all stops flowing if it can't be billed. Remember the gas shortage because of a ransomware attack? Those systems won't have power very long.
You won't have tap water, nor would there be clean/treated water at the source.
Now, what if you had electricity, but there was no longer any Internet? Well, that's a little better. It's possible that emergency operations could be implemented (using the military) to keep you barely alive, until things could be fixed. But let's just assume the Internet is completely gone. Then what happens?
Remember when I mentioned the ransomware attack? Those systems probably don't have an offline mode. If they can't bill for it, the gas stops flowing.
No credit cards, no bank transfers, no phones. The public Internet is now the medium for nearly all communication outside of an org.
You can't buy food at the grocery store, but it won't matter for long because they can't order anything more, and the trucks can't deliver it.
Most people would be dead in about a week, maybe 2.
Fascism & climate collapse.
Climate change and all of the bullshit it will bring before it kills enough humans to start fixing the issue.
Not finding anyone to replace my ex in my heart. Someone not finding her and giving her the life we dreamed about.
She can't be replaced
I know, I'm just unsure how to move on lifewise guiltwise lovewise
Have you grieved?
Yes, for about a year. I'm grieving still.
Do you have a lot of unresolved feelings? Did you get some sort of closure?
Feelings: I can't shake away the thought that I've hurt her deeply. I mourn for the children we wanted to have. The house and the garden I promised. The stolen fertile years of her life. I hurt someone whose only crime was not quite being able to share the same headspace as me. I felt lonely in the relationship due to the language and the alien culture, but since I've been alone and moved back to my home country I've realised that I tend to just generally live in my head, regardless of language or company.
I feel that my loneliness problem wasn't coming from her somewhat difficulty in hearing me, but in my difficulty sharing aspects of myself with others. I feel that I've ruined my life, and that's okay, completely self-inflicted... but I can't live with the idea that I've ruined hers too. The thought and the guilt buries me every night.
Closure: we've said goodbye a thousand times, and have talked about the above themes, but I can't shake away the memories I have with her.
Sounds like a many incomplete closures? So you keep talking with each other or where are you now?
Broke up in February. Said a final goodbye in August. Haven't talked since.
For what it's worth I think that's still quite recent and I think grieving is going to be a longer process. Like if you've moved on a year from now then that would be amazing, so I wouldn't focus so much on that right now.
How are you holding up?
I'm mostly okay during the day (I can distract myself with work or hobbies), but at night is when it all hits me. I'll be okay though, I've just started reading book after book after book in bed until sleep comes.
I also know plenty of people who've been through much much worse, and they all tell me that time really does tend to heal everything. So I've got to be patient I guess.
Another thought that helps is something she herself said, in that she did not wish to be pitied by me. Someone also told me that it's not my job to "rescue" her, so I can maybe try to free myself of the guilt by pursuing that line of thought, and trying to focus on my own happiness.
Btw, thanks for carrying on through this comment chain with me, it's really helped me process some things - it sounds like you yourself have experience in this topic
Yes my experience tells me that time does heal it, but it requires emotional work.
She's her own woman and you should listen to her and your friends. We are all just human and none of us are perfect. You don't sound like the kind of person who would hurt people they love on purpose.
What helps me is to take time away from work and hobbies and the dopamine hits. I go out the door and follow my intuition, not my mind. Then I find a place to stand or to sit and I stay there for as long as I am able to be patient. It has never failed to help me.
Sometimes you just have to wake up and look at the ceiling for a while. And to be brave enough to face your feelings, by directly experiencing them. The only way I can make it go away is by respecting it and giving it the space it asks for within me. That is, I allow myself to feel guilt, or shame, or fear. That's when it melts away and I can find what I've been looking for.
That's interesting. I definitely do not like to be alone with my thoughts at the moment and actively seek distraction, but maybe I should just find a quiet space and see what's going on inside. Thanks for this
๐ฏ
money
- Economic collapse
- Being too anxious to work
- Fascism
- Unexpected death
- Singularity
Rent is due in 27 days.
Climate change, and the generations after me who will have nothing left.
I often get stuck in a frustrating loop of thought when I ponder the point of all of this.
Job, lack of relationship/connection, climate, existing in a semi burnout state.
Im really mad and worried about the world my kids are inheriting.
Overpopulation and regression of social advances.