this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2024
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The fact I'll die alone without ever feeling the love of a woman besides my mother and without a child saddens me. So, as kind of a consolation, I want to know... How does it feel? Being in love and being together, the sex part, just living together and all that...

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[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Have you spoken to a therapist about these feelings? Things like depression can make negative thoughts seem much more real and reasonable than they actually are.

I mean, if you’re terminally ill and dying next week I guess it’s possible those are realistic thoughts. But if that’s not the case then that sounds much more like doom spiraling to me.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 0 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I will never go to those places. And therapy is for the not poor

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Assuming you’re in the US since you mention cost. I know therapy can be really hard to access, especially if you don’t have good insurance and/or aren’t close to an urban area. Your city or county may have mental health services like low cost therapy, or be able to give you referrals for it.

You do seem like you want to talk about it, I’m assuming anyway since you made this post. A good therapist that you vibe with is going to be someone you want to talk to just as much (if not more) than anyone on this post, and they’ll be able to bring up perspectives on your thoughts you hadn’t considered before.

You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to obviously, and if you live in a place with really terrible mental health services there’s not really anything you can do about that. But if the feelings you’re describing in your OP are something that’s upsetting you that you want to change, I’d encourage you to do what you can to try to access therapy.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 0 points 5 months ago

I don't live there. I'm not American and English is my third language

[–] Vitaly@feddit.uk 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Why do you think you will be alone?

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 0 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I'm invisible and don't have the qualities women want.

[–] DivergentHarmonics@sopuli.xyz 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

This sounds more like you not really being aware of your qualities, and/or you looking at females who would not be a match for you (meaning neither of you would be satisfied if you tried). While there do exist qualities which make people truely unattractive (disorders such as uncontrolled rage for example), you don't say that.
It's true that mating choice in humans is foremost the female's choice, yet you might be surprised by what they see as qualities to appreciate. If you are an introvert, despair not, because 30-ish percent of all people could be classified as such, and that specifically could be seen as an appreciable quality by a woman who also sees herself as such ...

You are only invisible if you literally hide away. -- You do not give us much information as to why you think this way, or about your cultural background. You might be truely physically impaired or clinically depressive, or part of a culture where men and women are mostly kept separated, and that would actually make it more difficult but not impossible at all to find a match. Not having such information, i will refrain myself from just telling you to "go out of your hole more, man" and such. --

May we perhaps get a hint at your age? Because answers could get more helpful if we knew. (Don't ever think you are too old)

Yet, in whatever way you are set up, think of it like this: there are likely, literally, millions of people in your area and half of them are women, and a good percentage of those are in your age range (the older you get the wider this range gets). You can be certain that there is a sizeable number of women who have the same kind of thoghts and feelings as you do right now, and perhaps more important even, Your emotional and mental state can and will change.
In other words, you are certainly not unworthy in the eyes of the one you would not have expected to find you attractive. Of course, you need to actually show up in places where you likely meet people who share your interests (iow. "find you attractive") ...

My own experience: considered myself an "introvert" (until more recently i learned it's likely "more than just that"). Had great difficulties finding the right approach toward women in general, until i was 25 ... when it happened for the first time that a woman approached me, in a very assuring way (like, "want to come home with me, we make food and then I'd like to show you around my bedroom"). I took the chance and although i was "easy prey" for her it was the right thing to do because she was treating my inexperience in a sensitive way. Nevertheless, she was not a good match interest-wise, so that lasted only a couple of monts (and broke in anger).
A year later, a similar thing happened again ... at a seminar after-party, a student colleague who i wouldn't have thought of just so asked if she could stay the night with me. She didn't appear the most attractive to me but neither did i seem to be particularly attractive to others. Somehow i was wrong. That time it turned out quickly that it was me who was the more experienced one. ... And that woman was an "introvert" match (whom i now think of as being "more than just introvert", too) -- we've been a couple for seven years. ...
After that, both our paths in life changed considerably so we broke up in mutual agreement that we both needed to experience new things in life (i found a more spiritual-leaning path and learned what "love" is really about; she went with another man and discovered that she wanted to have children after all). ...

The relevant part here is that despite me thinking of myself not being particularly attractive, it kept happening that women just approached me, asking quite explicitly. -- And it almost always happened when i had gone into the company of like-minded people, but without the specific intent to seek out a woman. I can only remember one time when i did make an explicit move myself (even at that occasion i knew that i wouldn't get turned down because of the way she went all so lovely excited both times we had met before).
All in all, i wasn't together with very many and now that i'm older i still miss finding my true partner, but i can say that any of the experiences i got the chance to have, had its distinct flavour of enjoyability (well, perhaps minus the one time she later admitted she had abused me). Many of the women i love, i did never even get close to. A couple of times it was me who had to leave them behind because our paths just couldn't go together. A number of times it was sexual enjoyment for a number of days.

If you are asking, how does it feel ... well that's asking for poetry. Every experience is different though, and so will be yours (yes i say it will). It can be very satisfying, very lacking, questionable, exciting, soothing, mind-melting, enchanting, hurting, teaching. Pick yours. :-)

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 0 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Dude I'm a poor immigrant in my 30s living with my family and unemployed without education. And I live in a small town in Italy. Millions my ass. And nobody would want someone like me.

[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Bet there are women in your town with prospects just as bad who consider themselves undateable.

You have to learn to stop hating yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Please seek help for your depression.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yet you keep posting how sad you are, almost as if you're trying to ask for help.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago

I didn't asked for help. And the sad part is so minimal I'm not even asking for help.

[–] Vitaly@feddit.uk 0 points 5 months ago

idk maybe try to be gay

[–] retrieval4558@mander.xyz 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You've certainly managed to get a lot of nice people to waste a lot of time trying to be positive and give good advice here. I'm betting a decent amount that you're a troll pretending to be an incel.

If not- you've spent so much time explaining why you're a miserable sack of shit that I'm just going to believe you. No one can help you but you. If you don't want help, fine, just stop spreading your misery around.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Is not my fault if nobody wants to answer me. They're all just trying to be a 4 dollar psychiatrist to feel better about themselves. Notice how I didn't said anything towards the few who actually answered the question.

I NEVER ASKED FOR ADVICE.

[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Wow. What a douchebag. Here people are trying to tell you that hope doesn’t have to be lost. But fuck them, right? Write off the rest of your life if you want. No skin off our noses.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

People here either lying to me or avoiding the answer. And I'm the douche? Not only that, you're not insulting me, jackass.

[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yes. You. You can’t honestly have zero self awareness. Or maybe here we’re figuring out your problem.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago
[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I was not in love but i can talk about being in a relationship. Its nice. You have someone to talk to when you want. You have someone to help you when you need help and someone to help when you need to be helpful. You can share your victories without judgement.

Its nice to not get into an empty bed. In winter when it's cold you get into bed and warm each other up. Sex is good but it kinda becomes a step by step routine when you know what each other like.

In regards to your attitude. Women don't actually want that much. Even ugly and outshape poor guys can find people. But if you are convinced that you are a person no body wants you need to take steps to improve yourself. In 6 months of hard work you can completely reinvent yourself. Jump on steroids start going to the gym 5 days a week. Do cardio, get a dog and pick a generic hobby like watching Netflix then start trawling tinder. Once on tinder you should accept every date opportunity even the fat ugly girls just to get practice and confidence. Give tinder at least 6 months before you give up.

That probably won't get you a good relationship but it will get you experience with women and you'll realize they're humans with flaws and you'll stop putting then on a pedestal. You could also try an escort just to get rid of the virgin nerves.

If you want to get steroids go to a trt clinic and make sure you have crashed your t levels before going.

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 0 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That steroid stuff is dangerous and also doesn't exist here

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 0 points 5 months ago

Its not dangerous and it exists everywhere. Your body produces test naturally so it's fine.

[–] red_pigeon@lemm.ee 0 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

In the dance of life's sweet song, Do what makes your heart beat strong. Chase the moments, find your glee, Let your spirit wander free.

Smile more often, bright and wide, In the little joys, confide. Love yourself just as you are, You’re a shining, splendid star.

Confidence in self you'll find, Brings a peace of heart and mind. Then one day, when least you see, Love will come, a sweet surprise to be.

With your mate, those joys will grow, Every smile, a brighter glow. Tiny treasures, once so small, Now with them, you cherish all.

Hand in hand, your hearts will soar, Love yourself and them even more. Life’s a tale of joy and cheer, Happily ever after, year by year.

Credits to chat gpt ☝️

As an answer to your question OP - Once I met my mate, I felt bad for treating myself so badly all those years before it.

[–] inconspicuouscolon@lemy.lol 0 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Being in a relationship gives me a sense confidence in myself.

If you do not hear these people out, you are denying yourself the chance for a better life. By refusing to believe you are capable of what you want, you are making it impossible for you to achieve your goals. Because you won't try.

Good luck ❤️

[–] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 0 points 5 months ago

I don't think so.

[–] kowcop@aussie.zone 0 points 5 months ago

Love can hurt too.. I am going through a rough patch at the moment and I sometimes wish I never knew love because the pain of losing it is the worst pain in the world.. I don’t think that helps you much, but it is another side