Asklemmy

Don't be a reductionist. If that's all your cat was and that's all your relationship was, then fine. If it wasn't, you owe it to that cat to remember all the good times you two had between when it came to life and when it lost its life. Do it for the cat.

Then, when you've finally moved past this point, realize how much joy you gave that cat. Know that you did something beautiful in letting that cat know it was loved from beginning to end. Think about the cat's perspective. Its death may have sucked; they rarely don't. Now think about every moment that cat experienced growing up and being with you. Every sense of relief that cat felt when you came home. Every wave of comfort when you gave it pets. Every moment of safety it felt when you cared for it.

I know how sad you are, and I know this is tough love here, but that's what carried me through losing my dog on Christmas 2022 and her sister December 16th 2023. We did our best. They couldn't have had happier lives. I'm glad we could do that for them. It was worth the weeks of agonizing grief for the 14 and 16 years of happiness they experienced.

ive had to say goodby to a few pet friends now. i dont regret having my pet friends.

we got to enjoy each others company, and honestly the pet gets the better end of this deal if their people are sound.

When my dog died a few months ago, I cried harder than I had in probably 15 years on and off for a solid week. It’s brutal. But I promise it will get a little more bearable as time passes. Doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will. And the best part is that it’s not like they just disappear from your life. It will become more bearable, and the tragedy will give way to wonderful memories that you share over and over.

The point is that he got born and got to live with you for many years.

Don't focus on the end, focus on all the great moments you had together.

I didn't write this, but I reread it every time I lose someone I love, and it has helped me a lot. Hope it can do the same for you.

"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."

Yes. Maybe enjoy things too. The universe is meaningless and we're here by accident.

The only question is what to do about it.

Anyway, sorry about your cat. I'm sure it lived as nice a life as possible.

Yes. Life is a blip of mostly suffering and pain. But, within that whirlwind of time, there are incredibly warming and thought-provoking moments. For your cat, it was probably laying on your lap. Cozying up somewhere warm. Getting pet, and chasing something far too nimble to catch.

Life has genuine joy in it that makes the hard times worth it. It's through the hard times that we can find the most sympathetic and connecting moments.

I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sure your cat loved their time here, with you.

Yeah pretty much. What you do in the meantime is up to you.

Pets are particularly weird because we get them knowing damn well we will outlive them. I view it as giving the little babies as close to a perfect life, and as comfortable a passing as pawssible.

You gave your cat years of love, how can all that be meaningless? It will be a sad day when my 19yr old buddy passes but I'm grateful for his love everyday and happy I can love him back. Death is inevitable but life is what you make of it.

It hurts. I had to put my cat of 18 years down last year and it hurt for a long while. But I wouldn’t trade having her as my friend; the end was sad and rough, but I made sure she had as good of a life as I could give her the entire time she was with me. We can’t do much better than that for our furry friends.

Hang in there friend, it does get better with time.

The point is that the grief you feel from losing your cat is a tiny sliver of the grief in the world, being felt by all the people sustaining the loss of death.

And that’s on the best of days: a world full of suffering.

But we’re also on the brink of world war, and a hundred other disasters that could cause just as much death, and just as much grief and hopelessness from the people who survive.

So, it may sound bleak, but now that you have seen some of the deepest pain, the meaning of this life should be clear: to do everything in your power to protect as many people as possible from the feeling you’re feeling right now.

Take your own suffering as exactly the pill needed to get you up and moving. You’ve been given a glimpse of hell. And, with that, understand your job is to prevent hell on earth.

Still you got to love, didn’t you? Love always leads to heartbreak. But at least there is love and those small moments between the two of you that must have been incredibly precious. That’s all there is to life, I believe.

Edit: trust me, there are worse ways to live. For example, life lived chasing illusions such as money, fame or power.

I haven't read through comments yet so I may be redundant.

Hey... So sorry. Pets are a personal relationship. That loss is a grief just like any other. It's hard because others don't have the relationship to that individual that you have.

Grief is something you carry through life. It isn't linear, but it does get easier. Grief will come in waves. You'll be fine and then it hits you out of the blue.

Do we just live and suffer and die? Well, yeah. But we also love, and get excited, and feel, learn new things, explore. We fall in love; we experienced heartbreak. We have moments when we notice the light coming through the leaves in the forest, or the sound of water on rocks in a creek, an interaction between a grandparent and young child, the smell of a newborn's head, that first time a cat settles in your lap, coffee when no one else is awake, the first sign of success in a new hobby, I could go on and on. So many things. Observations that have a visceral yet intangible emotional reaction. So so many things.

Let grief make you tender. Let grief remind you that everyone will deal with it in different ways. You can connect to others through vulnerability. Don't let it make you hard or resentful; there's so much beauty and love in the world. There's so much love in the personal relationship with a pet. There is love you can't describe.

Engage with the grief. Don't bottle or avoid it. Feel it. You're grieving because of the depth and complexity of the relationship. That's totally okay. That's healthy. It's gonna hurt. It hurts.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this right now. Take your time and feel it. Don't feel like you ever have to let that go. That's life.

Live, suffer, and die? Yeah, you could say that, but it's in the most beautiful way, and there's so much in between.

Do we just live and suffer and die?

Largely, yes. As far as we know, there's no grand purpose nor reason of being. We're all just floundering about, trying to answer the fundamental questions of existence for ourselves. There may be an objective answer, however, which is why I do what I can to push humankind in the direction I believe is most likely to result in that discovery - even though my significance is only comparable to that of an ant.

Regarding your loss, specifically, I was in a very similar boat ~12 years ago. Honestly considered just riding into the sunset in search of Bob Ross, at the time. Today, I'm extremely glad to have stuck around to raise another cat who loves me beyond anything I ever thought comprehensible. In short, when life as a whole sucks, there's respite in the moment. When the moment sucks, take respite in the whole of life's experiences.

I truly believe that events have no meaning until we impose meaning on them. It is our work, as humans, to do so. It is the essence of creativity, of being, and of life itself. Meaning doesn't comes prepackaged, no one can provide meaning for you or me. There isn't "true" meaning out there for us to discover. There are meaningful answers we can provide, after wrestling with the event itself.

Your cat existed for a purpose. Perhaps it was to show you love and companionship for a time during this difficult life. Only you can say. But honor the creature you loved by finding the meaning in its life. It lived for a reason.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to lose a loved one of any species

Well if this isn't the most beautiful thread I have seen on Lemmy.. thank you everyone. I'm not crying!

I'm sorry about your kitty. I had to put mine to sleep last Monday and man the first 3 days were rough. I miss him so much now but I'm getting better every day. You will too. It never goes away but it gets easier. The point of it all is to give your kitties the best possible life and never stop loving them. Here is my old man Stanley.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel, and I'm sorry that I have no words that can help. Nothing can replace them.

We do a little ritual for ours on the Day of the Dead; I don't know if it helps. I guess it makes me feel a little better the rest of the year, setting time aside to remember the good times.

I'm sorry.

Maybe not for you, but for some of us, we would help to look into Buddhism and its Four Noble Truths.

Very simplistic tl;dr is that

1. All life involves suffering.
2. We suffer because we want things to be other than the way they are.
3. We can become free from suffering if we no longer want things to be other than the way they are.
4. The Eightfold Path can lead one to reach 3.

the entire existence of all living things is the struggle. some thrive, some don't.

but we do it all for the good days. if it was all good days, we wouldn't appreciate them like we do. the darkness gives meaning to the light, and the bad days give meaning to the good ones.

i'm sorry about your cat. it can be rough to lose a loved one. but that doesn't mean there won't be more good days.

Yes and no. On one (nihilistic) hand, you live to die. The other hand (the better one) is that you give your own meaning to live. Fill in the spaces between the living, dying, and suffering parts, to make them seem insufficient in comparison. Just like the time you spent with your cat.

Nothing makes either side any less true - it's all up to interpretation. For your mental health, though, it's better to follow the latter.

I think we don't really appreciate time until we know it ends. Unfortunately, we outlive some animals, but we get to enjoy time with them and doing everything possible to make their life better.

I lost my dog last year, it was rough. My family wasn't there, I had to go by myself and the vet couldn't do more to save her, but I was there, she wasn't alone, she never was. I always watched her, played with her, even danced with her because she was very tall. I remember the first time I saw that she couldn't peek at the window anymore, she was getting old and fragile and she couldn't get up, I realized that I could only give her all the love I could, but I distanced myself some days from her because I didn't wanna suffer her loss, I was afraid of what was going to come in the next months.

After some time, I realized I was being very selfish because I would remember all the love I had for her, but she would remember how in her last months I abandoned her, and I couldn't let that happen. My love for her, my time with her; our time together was what make some parts of my life great! She made me feel better a lot of times and I always reciprocated.

I think one of the points of life, at least mine, is to make other lives better, that includes to help all the animals I can, even if I'll have to suffer when they're gone, because they will be happy all the time they lived.

Life is change. It's literally the only thing you can 100% depend on. Once you accept that, not fear it, just accept it, you can move on to the great things that are here and now in the present.

I'm sorry that I dumped my grief upon you people but I'm also glad that I did. You are so kind and amazing for sharing your thoughts which makes this thread a beautify place. Reading the comments does help and I think it turns out to be something helpful to others too.

The grief haven't get better but I'm starting to get a grasp on it. I'm scared for being so alone the first time in many years. I tried to distract myself by watching shows and playing games. After a while I'd go check my cat to see if he's ok, before remembering that I won't find him anywhere. I'm, however, grateful for those sad thoughts and stupid habits as it assures me that my cat will always be with me. And that's way better than forgetting.

I'm sure my cat had at least some good time through out the 19 years (like the time we sleep together in the sunshine). It's sad to think that I can't give him more good things but it's comforting to think that he won't feel pain anymore. I think he doesn't care too much being the little asshole he always was. Fricking cats...

Maybe there doesn't have to be a point. Or maybe the point is to love and to help. I still don't have an answer but I'm glad that I asked. And I'm grateful that many of you who have it figured out cared enough to share your answers. Thank you, kind internet strangers.

Life sucks, no doubt, but you're here and you have to get used to it. The best advice I can provide is slurp up all the good moments you can and savor the taste, so their memories will get you through the hard spots. Repeat until dead.

We live to produce value for the shareholders

Yes, you are correct on broad terms. Life has no objective meaning. It has a lot of subjective meaning, though.

You loved your cat and your cat loved you. You wouldn’t be upset about this if those two things weren’t true. Does that matter in the grand scheme of things? No, but it matters to you and it mattered to your cat.

I understand where you’re coming from. I have lived in despair after friends, family, and pets have “moved on”. It never gets easier, and I am tearing up thinking about the many moments like this that I have experienced, and the many more that I will experience.

It’s probably very hard to hear right now, but you should soldier through this. You don’t have to, but there are a lot of relationships that you will experience that you don’t even know about yet. There are people and pets that you haven’t met yet or that haven’t even been born yet who you will have an impact on, and who will have an impact on you.

And though this kind of loss is not something that a human can ever really leave behind, one day you will understand it, and you’ll leave a comment like this one. And you’ll know that every relationship we have is valuable (in one way or another) and worth sticking around to experience.

Life is meaningless, but only on a grand scale. The pain you’re feeling now only tells you that life is worth experiencing, even if it doesn’t really mean anything in the end.

RIP to your cat. You probably won’t ever really, “get over” the loss, but this relationship has helped you understand how to love.

On the large scale of thing, we're only able to witness time through a small window we call our existence, entirely locked from interacting with what happens before or after. It's a bit sad to know that we won't ever be able to witness some historical events, but that's just how life is.

There's no universal reason in living, it's just a wild ride that we witness and try to make sense of. Consider this: your cat's existence, however long or short, contained mostly your presence and affection, and while he's now gone, remember that you gave him the best life you could, filled with you in it. From your point of view, it's a small time window, but for him it was an entire life.

My condolences, and hope you can find some solace by reminiscing the time spent together with him.

I'm sorry. We just got back from taking a cat we loved to be cremated.

Do we just live and suffer and die?

Yep, that's pretty much it as far as I can tell.

The living part can be good sometimes. There's cheese and purring. But living suffering and dieing pretty much covers it.

If you find comfort in words and ideas, I found the chinese text called the Zhuangzi helped me come to accept the world with less bitterness. It's quite funny and thoughtful, silly and logical.